Does anal sex need explicit consent?

[TellingFriends]

2 month relationship.

Man and woman have consensual PIV sex. Is it acceptable for him to have anal sex with her without asking first?

Woman would not have consented if asked beforehand but did not stop him.

Is it fair for him to assume the woman will say no if she doesn't want it?

Woman had never had anal sex before. Woman is also a CSA survivor but he didn't know this.

Yes, people who disagree with those who are "sketchy" on consent for sex acts, are in a cult.

A really powerful one that sets UK law.

Why don't you listen to what she is saying instead of cross-examining her?
She has said how she feels, pointed out the possibility of a different point of view, but it's not good enough for you, is it? No, you have to cross-examine her in an attempt to force her to agree with you. What a load of unreconstructed anti-feminist bollocks.

HEAR HEAR.

Because that is what they are.
I cannot understand how people are not seeing this. It was rape!

Let's just clarify exactly what those two possibilities actually are, shall we?

a) Consent is obtained for a sex act

b) Consent is not obtained for a sex act

One of those possibilities is legal.

But yes, you're absolutely right. We're all in the Cult of Treating The People You're Fucking With Basic Human Dignity And Respect. It's a bit of a mouthful, admittedly, but it gets the point across.

Honestly. I’ve explained.

Up until I was told, repeatedly, for hours, that consent is given and not assumed - I genuinely didn’t know that to be the case.

Had I posted this exact same thing, I’d have been surprised to be told it was rape. I’m not saying it isn’t, or that the law has somehow changed, I’m saying not everyone knows it and in practice, not everyone is using it in that way.

I "listened" very carefully and then I clarified what she was saying.

About both anal sex without explicit consent, and about other acts like choking without explicit consent.

And she hung herself as effectively as anyone could with her "can't say whether assumed consent would be reasonable or not".

She'll clearly be covering it up with makeup and shrugging her shoulders if a man punches her in the face during sex - because his last partner didn't object to it - and she couldn't say if his assumption that she wouldn't either is reasonable or not. Or maybe that'll salve any neck or brain injuries if a man chokes her without explicit consent, because again, she couldn't say if his assumption that she'd enjoy it because a previous partner did; is reasonable or not.
Maybe it'll soften the blow of any sex act done without consent to her female relatives.
After all, the man's previous partner may have enjoyed it, and it's imposed to say whether his assumption their daughter or niece would too, is reasonable or not.

Anyway, why are you debating with someone who's in a "cult"?

The cult of consent, I presume.

Whole legal system of the UK in on it too - everyone's crazy but you, eh.

Must be disconcerting to be surrounded by so many crazies, underpinned by the legal system of your state.

At least you can reassure yourself you're the only sane ones.

which was rape according to UK law

Also rape by the standards of anyone with any decency or empathy or respect for other people.

I must say you are absolutely right. Some people don't understand consent Perhaps at first you didn't fully understand the law, but you are now acknowledging it. I think you should be thanked for that.
And certainly not shamed for living your own life differently.

And I think it is better for men, and even more for their victims, to teach them about consent than to punish them when they misunderstand it.

The problem is that most rapists fully understand the law and deliberately ignore it. But fair enough to acknowledge the minority who don't understand. Because not understanding the law is no excuse, and they need to learn.

Whether or not the accused genuinely and reasonably believed consent was given IS a matter of opinion. It's a subjective matter. And it is a key component in whether or not he is guilty of rape.
What victim blaming? I have never ever blamed the poor OP for anything.
Low reporting and conviction rates are not relevant to this particular case.

but now you do……. You still seem to be arguing?

You have not been restrained in your comments towards her. You have shown yourself to be narrow minded, incapable of considering a different, well-expressed and intelligent point of view. And you have been extremely abusive and insulting towards her. You are a bit of a bully.

You have not been restrained in your comments towards her

I assure you, I have.

I know this because I haven't been banned, yet.

intelligent point of view

Excuse me but I need to take a break - because I think I injured my diaphragm laughing.

I didn’t hang myself, or anyone else. If I’m operating on assumed consent, and you’re not, outside of the legality of that it’s not my place to say who’s right or wrong.

Also, had you spent a single second actually reading my responses you’d know that I’ve already said I have been a victim of DV, in response to someone saying I’d never needed to fear men, and if you HAVE read that then your comment about covering bruises with makeup is absolutely disgusting.

I could just assume you have and spend the next however long calling you an advocate of abuse, but I won’t.

For those of you wondering why I’m still “arguing,” this is why. Because there are people on this thread talking about, and to, other women like they’re somehow beneath them for not understanding and/or following things in the same way they do.

Right. Because those two scenarios are the only possibilities. Idiotic.

Why do you think there is so much case law about consent? They should have just asked you to outline your two possibilities and saved themselves years of time.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Because the conversation has turned to the issue of consent and she is drawing on her own experiences to contribute to that discussion.

she is drawing on her own experiences to contribute to that discussion

A woman who "couldn't say" whether a man anally penetrating or choking or punching a woman during sex without explicit consent is reasonable or not in assuming consent (due to his previous sexual partners" acceptance) should not be posting on a thread like this.

It is beyond irresponsible.

It's immoral.

(There is also her feeling that anal sex and vaginal sex are exactly the same, underpinning her views. Again, not something that is in any way mainstream or common but it's informing her views on this thread).

I do not assume women are making up rape and assault claims and your attempt to say I do is deeply dishonest.

I do say that people who are accused of rape are innocent until proven guilty. This is entirely different.

I also say that anyone who claims rape or assault should be treated as if they are telling the truth in the absence of evidence to the contrary.
No one has said the accused man "would have made a mistake or assumed consent". People have said it's a possibility.
If you wish your arguments to be taken seriously, then perhaps don't begin with dishonesty, insults and straw men.

I'm absolutely bored to tears with you and have no idea why you're on the thread. Have a great evening.

Yeah both of them are mind numbing.

Maybe time to stop feeding them.

The poor op, with these people on her thread.

When did you become the decision maker on how others view their own body parts?

Opinions don’t have to be mainstream to be valid to the people that hold them.

Just leave it now. The OP has hopefully read the posts showing compassion and giving advice. She is hopefully clearer about what's happened.

Like you said, bully.