Does anal sex need explicit consent?

[TellingFriends]

2 month relationship.

Man and woman have consensual PIV sex. Is it acceptable for him to have anal sex with her without asking first?

Woman would not have consented if asked beforehand but did not stop him.

Is it fair for him to assume the woman will say no if she doesn't want it?

Woman had never had anal sex before. Woman is also a CSA survivor but he didn't know this.

Sorry to disappoint you but I for one am female
and married with children. As Mumsnet could attest from my previous posts/usernames. I find it ‘devastating’ that there are women like you willing to accuse a man of rape who at worst has executed very poor judgment/is a lousy partner in every sense of the word. Dare I say it, I feel very sorry for many men now navigating the hellscape that must be dating and sex with women who think like you around.

@Divasaurus

You really are more stupid than I thought, the words you attributed my response to were not from Wife2b’s post and I never replied to them. I wouldn’t as I don’t agree with them.

You literally responded directly to her initial post and said she was speaking 'common sense'. It's all there in black and white so very odd to deny it.

She said, among other things, "You can’t initiate sex (in whatever form may be), go along with it silently and then say you felt uncomfortable so were raped"

And you said "you speak common sense",

So do you believe that statement is "common sense"? Or not, after all?

It doesn't need to be as formal as you're implying. I posted a bit further up about how I've always gone about it as a man, but to specifically address the formality...

Usually its pretty clear non verbally what I want to do. If I'm making out with someone and I start kissing down their chest and stomach towards their nether regions then it's obvious what I'm planning. But I'll take my time about it, and if it's a new partner then I'd ask "Can I....?" or "Do you want me to...?" With a brand new partner I want to actually hear that "Yes", at least for the first few times until I've learnt what a non-verbal "Yes" and more importantly a "No" sounds like.

And even if you don't actually ask you can try to make sure you're on the same page. As a teenager in a club if I was dancing with a girl and was reasonably sure she wanted me to kiss her I'd still take my time about it, slowly move my lips closer to her, make sure I'm not holding her in such a way she can't back away if she wants to, and then once we're finally kissing I'm making sure I'm not so into it that I can't tell if she's not any more.

It's about removal of doubt. I can never know what's in my partners mind. I'm not psychic. But I can make as bloody sure as I'm able that they're into it. It's a no brainer for me. Sex is only fun if the person you're with is enjoying it. If they don't want to be doing it, then I don't want to be doing it.

Are you that American politician who claimed that women who were raped couldn't get pregnant because "their bodies shut everything down" ....?

Because you sound like him, and your knowledge of human anatomy is on a similar level.

Sure. I used to think it sounded weird and creepy too. Then I started having sex with a nice experienced man who got off on the fact that I wanted it as much as he did and since then I have enjoyed being vocal about wanting it. It's hot. I want to hear what they want to do. I want to say I want it too. I want my abject desire for sex to be part of the dynamic. I'm a grown woman. I like sex and that's great.

Read the law I posted. Penetrating a woman without her consent IS RAPE! Whether you like it or not. THAT IS WHAT THE LAW SAYS!

Honestly, you need to learn to read. I DID say that yes and in response to Wife2b’s original post - but SHE didn’t say the words you have quoted,
someone else did. How dense can you be. Go and read the thread again instead of doing a bad cut and paste job of words that suit your narrative.

That's ironic because who I feel sorry for is women who have (undoubtedly porn sick) men sticking their dicks in their anuses - an orifice not evolved for sex - without asking their consent.

You are one of the most misguided, disturbing individuals I've come across in these boards.

And that is saying something.

@Divasaurus

I find it ‘devastating’ that there are women like you willing to accuse a man of rape who at worst has executed very poor judgment/is a lousy partner in every sense of the word. Dare I say it, I feel very sorry for many men now navigating the hellscape that must be dating and sex with women who think like you around.

The last sentence there is ever so Andrew Tate, next you'll be telling us he speaks sense?

You'll be pleased to know that rape conviction rates for rate are incredibly low. So your earlier concerns about them ruining lives are disproportionate.

In fact, a man is more likely to be raped than to be falsely accused of rape.

Here's the data, in depth:

www.channel4.com/news/factcheck/factcheck-men-are-more-likely-to-be-raped-than-be-falsely-accused-of-rape

According to the most reliable data we have, the average adult man in England and Wales aged 16 to 59 has a 0.03 per cent chance of being raped over the course of a year (based on 2016-17 figures).
The best data we have — the number of people prosecuted for making false allegations — suggests that the average adult man in England and Wales has a 0.00021281 per cent chance of being falsely accused of rape in a year. (That’s based on 35 prosecutions for false rape allegations in 2011 compared to 16.5 million men aged 16 to 59 living in England and Wales at the time).
By this measure, a man is 230 times more likely to be raped than to be falsely accused of rape.
And let’s put the stats through an even stronger test.
Imagine for a second that you believe that every single one of the men prosecuted for rape in England and Wales in 2016-17 was falsely accused.
Even if that unlikely scenario were true, there would still have been more adult male victims of rape (8,000) than men prosecuted for those rapes they “didn’t commit” (5,190).

I didn't quote her, I quoted YOU. You can't even read your own words! YOU need to learn to read. You've made a spectacular fool of yourself on here, in addition to not understanding the law around rape.

Another one who can’t read! I agreed and responded to Wife2b’s original post, yes, including the paragraph you have quoted above. However, she didn’t say the words that the other poster who keeps attacking me quoted. Which I don’t agree with. I very clearly originally responded to Wife2b and the content in her first post.

*the fact is that this man had no reason to think that OP DID consent.

You don't start off with the presumption that anal sex is consented to. You start off with the presumption that it's NOT consented to*.

This.

X 1000.

@Divasaurus

I've made some pretty good replies to you, and you're absolutely not responding to them.

@username44416
Reread the OP and stop making up lies. You shouldn't comment on things you don't understand when there's a vulnerable person reading it.

You and others need to stop making assumptions about OP to fit your agenda. I am a CSA victim as well, it does not necessarily make women a silent victim.

You can keep bleating on about rape however it would have been far more helpful to talk about why she felt unable to stop or even say anything at the time to the man she was having consensual sex with.

That all makes sense, and I’m sure you’re a decent guy.

But in the interest of transparency, I think it’s a real shame you have to remove doubt.

In my view - I’m as responsible for “using my words” when I’m not into something as men are. I don’t have some god given right to being begged for sex or to be reassured that my intentions are understood.

If I’ve arrived in someone’s house, bed, or in some kind of sexual situation- it can be assumed that I’m into it, without doubt - and if I change my mind, I’ll say/make it known.

Honestly it’s great you’re so curteous. But in my personal view, it wouldn’t be necessary for someone to offer me that.

So @Divasaurus you agree with the following statement?

You can’t initiate sex (in whatever form may be), go along with it silently and then say you felt uncomfortable so were raped"

That if someone is silent while a sex act is happening, even if they didn't consent to the sex act, you can't say you were raped?

If a woman is performing oral sex on a man and he holds her head down and very roughly pushes it up and down, without warning, and she freezes rather than resisting or shouting, would you think he could be described as sexually assaulting her? After all, she didn't say anything? She didn't say no? Does her not saying know once it was already happening mean that he didn't sexually assault her? That he could reasonably expect she would consent to rough oral sex without warning? Genuinely interested in your thoughts on that.

I didn't quote ANYTHING she said.

I only quoted you! You are either a practiced liar, or you cannot read or follow a thread.

You really are embarrassing yourself here.

You are hilarious! I actually went back and checked the words you quoted against what Wife2b wrote in her first post and - guess what! She didn’t write them! You plucked them from some other post and then attributed my response to Wife2b to them
instead of what Wife2b actually wrote. You are the one making a fool of yourself and clearly need to educate yourself in more ways than one 🤭

Your posts are disturbing. We are accusing a man of rape who anally raped someone. It’s really not difficult to navigate the concept that you need consent to penetrate someone. Most men manage to navigate that fine.

If you’ve never had consensual anal sex before, the only possible reason not to ask is because you expect the answer to be a no and don’t want to get that answer.

You can call it “poor judgement” but UK law says it’s rape.

You are entitled to your personal view. But the law says there must be evidence of consent. It doesn't have to be verbal, but there has to be positive cooperation, not just a failure to say no.

If you read the OP she's a sexual abuse victim and froze when being raped. It's common for people experiencing assault to freeze; it's a normal reaction. It's even more usual for survivors to freeze as it's part of the powerlessness of child abuse.

You don't interrogate people on their reactions to rape.

@ontheroll

Using the phrase "bleating on about rape" in any context is so unbelievably vile.

Not in my experience and observation.

(And if they do candid surveys, a significant portion of men admit it too.

Like the disturbing US university one).

Wtf? Wife2b said and I quote: "go along with it silently and then say you felt uncomfortable so were raped."

That is what she said. That being silent means it's not rape.

So you've lied. You've demonstrated you cannot follow a thread and, you are uneducated on the LAW when it comes to rape. You are making a fool of yourself. And you know it and we all know it.

@TellingFriends

That is what happened. It wasn't painful but not enjoyable and felt degrading.

Thank you for sharing. That's exactly what I have always felt with anal too, even with men with whom I had a very loving and caring relationship. So I am not a fan at all and have not had it for a long, long time.

What are you going to do?