Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

We have no clue whether any other family member has been contacted - OP didn’t say. And we also have no clue who it was that involved social services, so a lot of assumptions.

OP posted upthread that they hadn’t yet found her a bed, so possibly not formally admitted yet. She may be under psychiatric care, but she hasn’t been sectioned (as far as we know) so why people would think they would confiscate her phone is baffling. She’s free to leave any time she likes unless her care team think otherwise.

How is OP any different than any other poster ? This is MN - you only ever get one side of the story !! All we can do is take OP’s at face value otherwise what’s the point ?

No-one has demonised or blamed the child. And I’ve seen several other threads on MN - particularly to do with the recent unrest, where there has been unanimous consensus that a17 year old boy reportedly arrested and jailed was perfectly capable of understanding what he’d done and should face the consequences.

Most of the support here has been for DD. Anyone who has dared to even suggest that she contributed to the incident by her actions has been met with angry replies. But as one poster very succinctly put it upthread, there is more than one victim here. The OP has described some appalling, totally unacceptable behaviour directed at her by DD - some of it deliberate and psychologically abusive by repeating triggering phrases over and over again. At 16 she’s old enough to know better.

There is absolutely no justification for what OP did in attacking her DD, but actions have consequences and her snapping under the pressure was inevitable. What did DD think would be the outcome ?

I doubt social services would do anything at the weekend, we don't know if husband or daughter rang the police, we weren't there so don't really know what happened or what's true or not.

i should imagine the dc schools will be informed

Well done OP. Your strength from now and going forward has to be on doing something you’re never done - focussing on you. Do nothing else but this because you’re children need it and they need you well.

Well done. Keep going. You’re doing great.

Because its 💩 I'd bet my house on it.
She thought she'd get sympathy and when she didn't she tried to blame her husband and when that didn't get sympathy she invented the psych ward story.

Sorry but if anyone actually buys ANY of the subsequent stories, you must also believe thw word gullible isnt in the dictionary. On every other thread (of this nature normally its to get help for teen and young adult MH) we get real stories of how stretched A&E, Social Services, The police and MH services are (yes in Ireland too) but this woman has allegedly had top notch treatment from all the services? Including 2 assessments from 2 psychiatrists on a Sunday, in a FIVE hour time span. Really?

Exactly. It’s a classic move that many of this thread have seen - when someone is in the wrong and has displayed abusive behaviour, rather than accepting responsibility, they defend themselves any way they can and then are suddenly unwell - fainting, needing an ambulance, claiming they’re having a heart attack, or in this case claiming they’ve been admitted for psychiatric care. That way, the attention shifts from their behaviour and instead is focused on their well being.

Despite initially posting about her awful she feels, OP then started to blame her daughter, her husband, the menopause and now it’s moved on to mental health. She’s not really owned up to her behaviour and accepted she started the altercation.

Because even with voluntary admissions where people can leave if they want, they usually restrict phone access as part of the admission. It’s part of the deal, so to speak, of being treated.

You seem to have missed that the OP has private health insurance. And let’s face it, the whole thing could have been made up. But if we take that attitude to every thread and assume the OP is lying, what’s the point of MN ? I think most posters here have tried to engage with the situation as described by the OP, taking things at face value. If she really did post for support, then we have to look at the situation as a whole. And it all sounds toxic, but the OP isn’t the only one contributing to that. They all are - aided and abetted by a useless piece of shit husband who stands by and lets it all play out.

Well OP posted that she hadn’t yet been found a bed, so hadn’t been formally admitted, and her last post was around 10pm last night, so lets’ hope she’s now getting the help she needs. If her phone access has now been restricted she won’t be updating any time soon, so hopefully we can put what has been one of the most unpleasant threads I’ve seen on MN to bed.

I agree it’s unpleasant. Someone has been abusive yet posters have found any reason they can to defend her and blame it on her husband and daughter. It’s really very sad and displays the double standard regularly on display on MN.

And I suspect after seeing the posts about her phone being taken away, there is a high chance she now won’t be back after several days so she can continue with her defensive story rather than try and rectify the situation that she caused.

💯 Not buying a word of it either. Amazed so many have fallen for it hook, line and sinker and not only that but actually made excuses for OP, including telling her she’s a brilliant mum! Fucking hell.

Stop attacking the OP. She has been through enough.

No I didn't miss it because she replied to me directly to say it was private insurance. Im sorry but even private insurance doesn't get you what she described in the time span she claims. You really are gullible.

No, I just want people like you to stop attacking the OP. She has been through enough trauma for many years. She does not need to be interrogated by you. She said that she had been to the police. You are not the police.

Despite initially posting about her awful she feels, OP then started to blame her daughter, her husband, the menopause and now it’s moved on to mental health. She’s not really owned up to her behaviour and accepted she started the altercation.

OP stated quite clearly at the start that she had accessed help for herself and her family, and right from her first post she accepted that she was wrong to physically attack DD. I don’t think explaining what happened in the lead up to the attack, or what’s gone before is actually blaming the DD, rather giving context to what happened. She also posted right from the start that her DH wasn’t supportive and had been abusive. And unless I’m very much mistaken it wasn’t OP who blamed the menopause - it was another poster who suggested it could be part of the problem. Similarly with the MH issues - OP was going to access her GP for help this morning until a MH nurse posted because they recognised OP was in a dark place and suggested immediate help from A&E. Disagree with the OP all you like, but don’t make things up to support your narrative.

Having read all of the OP’s posts, it reads like a catalogue of psychological abuse from her family over a period of years, and if the assault on her DD hadn’t been the result, I suspect she would have had much more support here. Many posters allowing that to colour their responses and disregard the fact that op herself is also a victim, and completely sidestepping the issue of the part DD herself played in the abuse. Attacking your own 16 year old daughter is absolutely indefensible. But that doesn’t mean it’s not understandable. I think I’m at odds with many posters because if what the OP says about her daughter is true I don’t believe for a second that, given the OP’s mental health history, she didn’t know exactly what she was doing, and the possible outcome.

Agree, this thread should really be closed as it has outlived it's use.

I’m not making up anything to suit my narrative. My “narrative” still stands and is based on OP’s own posts.

Her behaviour on this thread is no different to an abusive or cheating husband who after being called out or caught, claims they’re suicidal. The only difference is OP is a woman and has a husband herself. OP has had a difficult past, that can’t be denied, but she’s very obviously posted in a way to get as much sympathy as possible but fortunately, many of us can see her textbook behaviour.

She should be focusing on making things right with her daughter, not making herself the victim. I haven’t seen that happen in her posts.

Psychological abuse from her husband maybe, no way are children capable of “psychological abuse” , being a bratty teenager or a naughty child does not make a child an abuser. The OP is the adult, the children are never to blame. When did this catalogue of abuse start? When they were born? 2 years old? 3? 10? Just nonsense that toxic personality disordered parents use to excuse their hideous behaviour, “everyone is mean to me and it’s not my fault!”
.

https://whosincharge.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/WIC-Addressing-Child-to-Parent-Violence-and-Abuse-Information-to-help-parents-V1-2020-3.pdf

What the OP describes goes far beyond bratty teen or naughty child.

Probably because the child has been in such a dysfunctional family her whole life.

her mum threw a remote at her, she threw it back and her mum full on attacked her. This is NEVER acceptable. Please stop trying to put blame on the child in this situation, it really isn’t fair.

The OP is the adult, the children are never to blame. When did this catalogue of abuse start

So for example , if a 17 year old, 6'4" boy punches his mother, because he's technically a child, he's not at fault?

Firstly that’s not what happened here , the mother started the altercation by throwing an object at a 16 year old girl who retaliated by throwing it back then the mother attacked her.
secondly, if your child is abusive to you they are most likely mirroring your own behaviour right back at you.
if the father had been a 6ft 4 man who punched his daughter then checked himself into a psych ward for ptsd would he not be at fault then? It’s never the child’s fault. Parents need to take responsibility. Children are products of their environment.