Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

You're still expecting higher emotional quotient behaviour from the 16yo child than from the mother that's just assaulted her.. and I know you've already stated your distate for this, but if a male reported history of mh, then stated he'd assaulted his teen daughter, because 'she made him do it' would you still blame her?

So they were willing to help you when you were physically abused, but 'no action' when it comes to your daughter being attacked?

That's far from intelligent behaviour from your daughter's POV.

No one has called the daughter a villain, but she has behaved badly and it sounds as though she goads OP - who has been explicit that she goes beyond normal teenage behaviour. Perhaps if her useless DH had disciplined DD and made sure she understood OP’s vulnerability, instead of playing ‘fun dad’ things may not have got to this stage. I think OP and her children are all victims in different ways. OP has updated that social services aren’t taking any further action, so for whatever reason, they don’t perceive her as an ongoing threat.

Thankfully the Gardai are intelligent and know when somebody has been reached their breaking point and been provoked.

@Awfulmother1 so you agree with pp your child deserves to be assaulted? She provoked you into it and its all her fault?

They're basically saying committing ABH against a child is ok, if the parent was provoked.

That's not ok but at least you're pleased with the outcome.

Answered this upthread. And at no point did l say DD made her do it.

No. The OP has explained in detail why they are not taking any further action - you’re just ignoring the bits that don’t fit your narrative.

I'll continue to defend children who are victims and abused. At no point have I defend the OPs DH or his abuse or treatment of the OP.

So no I'm certainly no ashamed of myself for defending the OPs daughters who I'll say it again, louder for those in the back, VICTIMS

I admit I was wrong. It was the first time I ever laid my hands on anyone. I've recognised this and freely admitted myself for help.

The OP said herself...

Thankfully the Gardai are intelligent and know when somebody has been reached their breaking point and been provoked.

So the Gardai feel ABH against a child is ok and needs no further action because the adult was provoked.

It's there in black and white.

You're the one having trouble digesting it.

Yes, you have the authorities helping you the way they do it in your country. To the people who want with glee seeing your daughter taken where???? - to a young woman's homeless shelter ( she still has a father) - hm?

What your husband is going to do? He seems is scared of losing you due to laziness ( ah, I cannot bring the almost grown teenagers to their hobbies, because I work).

get well amazing mother and when you get really well, you leave them all, for good. Just take your son.

Equally so a 16 year old girl can be physically strong as a mature older woman and punch her mother in the stomach.

Provoked by who though? If your daughter is an unpleasant human being, you have to see that you as well as your husband bear responsibility. If you cannot control yourself then how can you expect her to? If you see yourself as a victim and your choice of words suggests that, then you should also see that your daughter is a product of her awful home environment.

I’d say the OP is a victim too. She’s had zero support from her family throughout a breakdown and years of mental illness. She’s been the target of psychological abuse from her own daughter and her DH - who has clearly checked out of the relationship. It’s absolutely o excuse for the assault, but it’s no surprise she’s reached breaking point.

get well amazing mother and when you get really well, you leave them all, for good. Just take your son.

In your earlier posts, you were adamant she's not mentally ill, despite having been diagnosed by professionals with two mental illnesses.

So what are you saying she needs to get well from?

Yes, so the awful home environment means it's absolutely understandable that the OP assaulted her child, because shes so upset, but also that this horrible environment the child's grown up in is no excuse for the behaviour that results in the child being assaulted.

You realise OP is now under inpatient psychiatric care ? You also realise that she has been at the receiving end of shit from her family for years ? To the point where she has been unable to access psychiatric treatment because she has no support. Her DH takes DDs side and encourages her abusive behaviour towards OP and yet you think OP is to blame ?

What help, is your DD getting? The one who was attacked by her own mother?

I generally try to remain objective n these emotive threads. But I was physically abused by my SM. Grew up in a home filled with fear. My life has been permanently affected.

I'm so angry that the 16yo girl is being sidelined as a bit part.

Did you explain to the Gardaí that you attacked your daughter? Did they speak to her? Or just accept you were provoked?

I’m also thinking this. Surely they would also get the child’s side of the story before just deciding that they don’t need to take action re the ABH because OP feels she was provoked. I really hope your daughter is ok OP. Have you checked in with your husband about her? I hope you get the help you need at hospital.

@Awfulmother1 well done for reaching out for help, you should be proud of yourself. I’ve read through a lot of your responses and just to say.

I work within social care. A one off occasion does not warrant a social worker. Especially when the perpetrator is in OPs position and has reached out for help. It warrants a team of support which I pray you receive now.

Dont listen to the people on here who are tearing you down. It’s easy to judge behind a screen, they don’t know you. What you did was so so wrong and you know that. But you’re getting help.

From experience working within the sector I think leaving your husband will make your life so so much better. You’ll be okay. It’s scary but you’re not alone. There’s services out there to help and people on here who genuinely want what’s right for you and your daughter.

your children will also need support and hopefully this will be sorted for them. You’re not an awful mother or person. You got through broken beds and smashed mirrors before you snapped. You’ll be okay as will they.

I am so pleased about this.

I really feel for you OP.

Some of the people on here are absolute witches. I don't know how they live with themselves.

Talk about kicking someone when they are down.

I really hope you get the help you need and that your excuse of a husband gets everything thing he deserves.

Unfortunately because of stretched services they won’t always speak to a child because they didn’t raise it. Not saying it’s right; ive worked with children who are repeatedly hit by their caregivers without social care becoming involved.