Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

Would you think the same if it had been the father rather than the mother who had ended up engaging in physical violence?

Professional support is available for the OP and her family, and it is positive that the OP seems to have already taken steps to access some. Her daughter also needs to be able to access support and to be safe.

This is the frustration with mental health. Would he reply like this if you’d been admitted with a serious asthma attack, diabetic episode or heart attack? Or would he be both worried sick about you and keen to reassure you he’ll take good care of the kids?

Is there no one who can help with the kids? Their friends’ parents? Or can your DDs not get to hobbies by bus or cab? Could neighbours help out? I’m sure you are, and don’t want to sound patronising, but do keep in contact with all your DCs individually and reassure them how much you love them, how sorry you are for your behaviour and how you’ll soon be feeling better and everything will be OK. They must all be v worried and confused.

Also, as PPs have said, do consider if your aggression, lack of confidence and struggle to cope might be linked to the menopause. They’re all symptoms. The perimenopause can play havoc with your mood and tends to start early to mid 40s. In Britain, certainly, doctors often brush it aside and focus on mental health on its own. Women in the perimenopause need a lot of understanding and TLC. And it can be a nightmare when it clashes with teenage behaviour. Your DH should consider this too and be extra supportive to you.

I wasn’t referring to him watching OP assault the child. I was talking about him standing by and watching OP suffer a breakdown and struggle with mental health issues for what appears to be years. She talks about having no support from family and her DH allowing her DD’s behaviour.

There also appears to have been no support for OP to be admitted to hospital by her GP, when it was deemed necessary. Maybe if her DH had offered more in the way of support for his clearly vulnerable wife, and hadn’t contributed to the toxic environment they all seem to be embroiled int, things wouldn’t have got to this point. This doesn’t sound like systematic abuse of the child. It feels more like someone with poor mental health being goaded to breaking point and spiralling out of control as a result. It’s not acceptable - a child was assaulted, but at the very least it’s understandable, and OP has taken steps to refer herself and her family for help.

How can her DH be extra supportive, when up to this point it appears he hasn’t been in the least bit supportive of anything ?

The child, who punched OP in the stomach, is not the only one in danger here.

Sorry, I wasn’t clear. I meant extra to what he should be doing anyway.

Yes, I would, if the circumstances were the same as with the OP now. The OP assaulted her daughter, but it doesn’t sound as though it’s something that’s happened before - she’s reached breaking point, and as you rightly say, she’s been proactive in recognising that and seeking help for herself and her family. I think this is about getting to the bottom of what sounds like an utterly toxic family set up and I hope that the professionals involved can concentrate on supporting everyone, rather than apportioning blame onto someone who sounds incredibly vulnerable and at the end of their tether after years of struggle.

Apologies - I misunderstood. But if what the OP has posted recently about his reaction to her being admitted to hospital I don’t hold out much hope of him stepping up.

Social Services won't care what the child did. And a 16 year old is a child even though they might not look like one.

You mean because OP attacked her and was defending herself??

Nice way to completely gloss over the fact that twice OP attacked her first.

I saw red and jumped up and attacked her.

Some people freeze when they are getting attacked, some run away and some will try and fight back.

Fight, flight or freeze.

You cannot judge someone for a fight response (especially if that’s what they’ve been taught), anymore than a flight or freeze response.

@Awfulmother1, I'm glad you have been admitted.

Your h is just going to have to step up for once and sort the kids out.
It's not the end of the world if they don't get to their hobbies. Ignore him.

You stay in hospital and focus on yourself.

No, I mean that OP is in a fragile mental state and has been pushed to her limits. She has behaved out of character. This is the first time she's done this. Her family repeatedly tell her everyone hates her. This thread has reinforced that bullying.

This, it sounds like this didn't even stop the assault, only stopped when the ds came in.

I completely disagree with you, @Choochoo21.

From what the op has written, her h bears a huge responsibility for the mess she finds herself in: complete lack of support of op and alienating the dc against op.

OP's MH might be a lot better if she was by herself or with another partner.

OP's partner sounds like an unsupportive cunt.

I think this is what a lot of posters are overlooking. It’s absolutely unacceptable that the OP assaulted her daughter - it’s shocking in fact, but if what OP has posted about her DD is true she sounds unpleasant and appears to regularly goad the OP. DD is 16 - old enough to appreciate that her mother’s MH problems make her vulnerable, so you have to ask what did she expect by pushing her to breaking point ? Utterly toxic environment all round and so many pushing all of the blame onto OP without absorbing what’s actually been disclosed over her many posts.

OP you have a lot on right now.
So many jealous people on here - jealous of your country's healthcare!
But leave him, divorce him, make sure you get more than 50 per cent then go and live a nice life with your son.

And sod the daughters?

Did you miss the part where op was violently attacking her at the time? Of course she fought back. Your mission to make a woman who by her own admission flew into a rage and assaulted her daughter to the point she ripped her earrings out and made her bleed a victim is astounding

OP DH could be the worst person in the world.

It may explain her behaviour if this was towards him (explain never justify as there’s never any justification for physical abuse)

But it absolutely does not justify or explain her behaviour towards her DD.
(Or her other DD or DS of whom she has an unhealthy relationship with all 3).

Its actually really insulting to the thousands of women who are in abusive relationships but don’t attack their kids or whose kids have been harmed or killed by their dads, to imply that it is somehow the mothers fault.

When Social Services get involved it will be very much their job to examine the circumstances leading up to the assault, including DD’s part in it, given the fact that OP has a history of vulnerability due to mental health and has now been admitted into hospital under psychiatric care. A full investigation will be central to how this is handled.

@Rosscameasdoody so you're clearly stating its the daughters fault she was assaulted. That the 'look what you made me do' defence is valid?
So many violent men will be so grateful to you!

I can guarantee you social services won't care about the OPs mental health. And they will be all over this like a rash as soon as they find out. Which will probably be tomorrow.

You should be ashamed of yourself that you even typed that out. The daughter who is a child BTW, didn't deserve to be attacked or abused by her mother.

They don't deserve the mum, they deserve one that doesn't attack or abuse them or let's them live in a toxic environment

I hope for your sake you are a troll.

If not, you are a very lonely, miserable woman who probably has no friends or anyone to care about you.

Every thread you’re on you try and find a way to be nasty to the OP or poster or find some way to try and be as controversial as you can.
Its pathetic.

I pity you that your life is so dull that the only excitement you get is by trying to shit stir on an anonymous forum.