Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

Sounds like a backhanded compliment.

As you were under the care of the community mental health team previously I would suspect you'll be discharged into their care.

After things have settled you need to move out and look to building your confidence and resilience so you can have a relationship with your dc even if you are the nrp. Will your dh have contacted social services to ask for advice?

No not at all, I think its an excellent system when you can access treatment so fast, so maybe due to the lack of resources in MH in the UK, more private facilities covered by insurance would massively help a lot of families.

@Awfulmother1 good luck. You've been very brave. I hope you can fix things for yourself and your kids. Your husband can do one.

None of us have the full, objective picture - obviously.

OP, well done on seeking intervention. I'm sorry your husband didn't respond constructively. Relations are bound to be very strained right now.

Focus on your treatment. He's aware of where you are, so it's on him to make the necessary adaptations for the kids. Let him do that, you focus on what you need to do right now.

Nows the time to think of only yourself. Do not think about the kids or your husband. They will live without you for a while. Get well, I wish you all the very best.

Your youngest is 12. They can use public transport and your H needs to get a grip.

Stay where you are, OP, and get the help you need.

Not strange at all especially for someone in MH crisis. What is strange is you thinking it's strange.
If @Awfulmother1 had an accident or was in lots of pain she would take herself to A&E. Plenty of people in MH crisis do just that or it's done for them.

Would you recommend a male domestic abuse perpetrator take themselves to A&E or the police? In any case the medical professionals will have to inform the relevant authorities if a child is in danger.

I think this post should be removed. If the OP is on her way to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital she could have posted this when not sound of mind and I don't think the post is actually productive now that she is getting help from professionals.

Definitely.

You can report this thread if you want it removed, maybe op wants to keep it open.

If they were having a mental health crisis then A&E would indeed be a better place for them to go to than the local police station, regardless of their gender.

If the professionals dealing with OP believe the police need to be informed then I'm sure they'll take the appropriate steps but in the UK we do not condemn people to suffer with ill health because they might be guilty of a crime.

Would you recommend a male domestic abuse perpetrator take themselves to A&E or the police?

If my DH snapped and struck my teenager and had never ever done something like that before I'd definitely consider mental health intervention to be the appropriate first step.

Yes if they were suicidal

Why does OP need to move out ? And why would DH have contacted social services - he’s part of the problem. He’s stood by while all of this has happened.

Yes, I would. If this was the first time something like this had happened, and in light of the mental health problems OP has suffered previously, I would think this an entirely appropriate step.

@Awfulmother1 You just focus on getting better. He needs to find a way to make it work. They aren't small babies. You've struggled for years. He can find a way while you get better.

Or she recognises that her mental health is in crisis and is seeking appropriate care. She has said previously that her GP advised she should be admitted to hospital but she couldn’t because she had no family support. Surprising how many posters are dead set against a woman who seems to have suffered long term mental health problems, unsupported by family and largely ignored by her DH, until the situation has escalated and she’s assaulted her own daughter. People seem to be far too busy trying to project their own experiences onto OP in an effort to paint her as the bad guy. I think OP and her children are the victims here. Her DH doesn’t seem able to provide any support and actively seems to have encouraged the situation between OP and DD16.

If a child has been assaulted, they shouldn't have to live with the perpetrator. And the DH and/or the DD should contact social services because a child has been assaulted by a member of their household. Social services can then risk assess the situation, including relevant factors which may have contributed to the situation.

The op needs to move out at least temporarily because she assaulted a dc and regardless of the back story the dh could well have contacted outside organisations for support and advice.

I'm not blaming the op for what has led her to behave like this, this is clearly a dysfunctional household but the priority must be safeguarding the dc and the op may need to remove herself from the situation while she addresses her mh.

And as a result, a woman who has suffered from long term mental health problems with no family support, until she is broken, will have to be the one to move out and start again.

What? So would you say that to to the wife of a man who assaulted their child even if it was due to a suspected mental health breakdown?
'You stood by and watched it happen' ?!

I completely agree.

There’s no way I would be supportive of my DH right now if he had just physically attacked my child.

I would be thankful that he’s left the home and is seeking help but I would not be sympathetic.

He may never forgive you for this.
I would never forgive my DH.
But right now you shouldn’t be thinking about anything other than getting help for your anger and then finding somewhere to live/sorting your benefits out etc but the professionals should help you with all of this.

You did the wrong thing by attacking your child and then trying to pass the blame.

You are now doing the right thing by getting help for yourself, which will help your children.

You are breaking the cycle of abuse.

Hopefully this means that neither your DDs or DS will grow up to be abusive to their partners/kids or become victims of DA themselves (and will have the strength to leave if they ever are).

Safeguarding the dc must be the priority. I've every sympathy for what the op has endured. She has been under the mh team before, a temporary removal from her current situation whilst she focuses on her mh may be all that is required rather than a permanent arrangement.