Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

I hope you get the care and support you need OP.

I also hope for the same for your DD. She hasn't had an ideal upbringing and it'd be shocking if she doesn't also have issues to do with feeling loved and valued. I hope that she has someone to reach out to who will give her balanced advice after what must have been a traumatic experience.

OP deserves sympathy and compassion. The DD deserves to be acknowledged as the victim of yesterday's incident.

OP can tell someone at the hospital what’s happening and hopefully they have someone there from safeguarding and they can help.

You are casting the daughters in the roles of abusers. Because Op says their behaviour is poor. The woman who attacked her child says her behaviour is bad.

Blaming a victim of assault is a common tactic of abusers. And the daughters are a product of their environment.

Even if you believe everything the Op says, the children are victims here. Op is an adult, if she can not control herself she shouldn’t be around them at all.

The likely situation is that the entire household is dysfunctional. The children are victims of abuse. One has been assaulted and yet they are to blame for the situation. Not the adult? They are the abusers? Not the adult?

The teenage daughter is the one that fought back. Op started the physical altercation. Twice!

Read the OP’s posts, the father isn’t exactly covering himself in glory here either.

OP contact your husband. Don't make your 12 year old tell him..

But that could take quite a while.

a few hours. While the son is at home upset and likely frightened after all that has gone this weekend.

The hospital staff have enough to do.

I'm sure their advice would be 'let your husband know'.

One text and she can then turn her phone off if she wants to.

This is a such a thoughtful and supportive post

Please call your husband or the hospital must as soon as you get there, a 12 yo upset boy needs to be with an adult. Good luck today, you get the help you need. Presumably your husband wasn't that worried about leaving you at home with a 12yo but he needs to get back home now,

I’m not casting anyone in any role whatsoever. I actually said that the whole environment sounds toxic. But objectively, it sounds to me as though the OP has been left to get on with her MH problems by herself and has had no support in dealing with what is effectively mental abuse from her DD16 - quite the opposite if we’re to believe what OP has said about the father. So it’s not surprising that things have come to a head. And also not surprising how many posters are unwilling to accept that the OP has been the victim of abuse herself - maybe not physical, but abuse nevertheless.

They have enough to do.

I text my husband to come home as I was at the hospital. I'm texting my son until he gets home. Just gave my details to reception so waiting for triage to call me.

Mental abuse from her daughter?

So yes, saying her daughter is an abuser. And her daughter is to blame for her mother throwing things and attacking her?

If op isn’t to blame for her own actions why is the daughter to blame for her own actions?

I am glad you have done that. You might be best black or muting your husband if possible for now. So you can stay in touch with your son until he has someone with him, But not have to deal with anything else.

Not disagreeing. But the hospital staff will offer appropriate support in this situation. OP has significant mental health problems and if she isn’t up to sorting out her family from the hospital there are procedures in place to help in these circumstances.

Can you video call with your son, he might like to be able to see you. Once you've been seen you can make a plan, is there a mh unit near you.

I didn’t say her daughter was to blame for her mother attacking her. Nowhere in any of my posts have I supported that. But from what OP says, like it or not, her DD has been abusive. I doubt very much that a girl of 16 would be unaware that her mother has had mental health problems, and her behaviour has only exacerbated them. What is that if not abuse ? And the father has blithely stood by and allowed it, until eventually the OP is isolated from any kind of support and lashes out as a result. It’s not acceptable that she reacted physically, but it’s also not surprising. This is a toxic situation in which everyone has played their part and should be recognised as such instead of piling all the blame on the OP.

I can't believe you've turned this around and made it all about yourself

"I'm at the hospital, you need to go home and look after Billy".

If the OP can update Mumsnet, she can send a text.

It takes no 'sorting out'.

Anyway, she's already done it now.

Is that directed at the OP or another poster - you need to quote.

Hi OP,
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our https://www.mumsnet.com/i/mental-health-webguide page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

I can't believe you've turned this around and made it all about yourself

If that's at the OP, she's already had one mental breakdown and sounds like she's heading for another one. She is doing the right thing by seeking help urgently.
How is it helping to frame it so spitefully?

It's all about you and your DS.

You sound incredibly like my mother. She also attacked me at 17. My sister and I spent our entire childhood in the shadow of our brother who was the youngest and the golden child.

I listend for years to the stories of how I was an awful baby who cried non-stop and was unlovable and how my sister gave her PND. We were always told how we were awful children, didn't behave or rubbed her up the wrong way.

She often slapped us or dragged us by the hair when we didn't immediately do as she told us, she frequently lost her temper and would scream at us over small insignificant things. Of course she had a mask of perfection in front of friends, teachers and strangers.

At 17 I came home to find her painting our bedroom. When I asked her why she was painting our room in a colour we hadn't asked for and without speaking to us, she flipped and slapped me hard across the face before punching me in the face and laying into me, for the first time in my life I hit her back and you can bet she stopped and didn't hit me again.

But she did tell everyone I hit her first, that I was out of control and an awful teenager. You can bet that I sported my black eye and didn't make any attempt to cover it up and I told anyone who asked what happened. I was a high achieving student, I was never in trouble, I followed the rules. Did I keep my bedroom clean all the time? No but most teens don't, did I do everything right away when asked? No but most teenagers don't either. Did I deserve what my mother did no? My sister acted out, sought out love and affection with the wrong people to compensate for our homelife and she moved out at 16, at which point her whole life changed for the better.

My brother is still the golden boy, I have an almost non-existent relationship with my mother either does my sister (who also suffered violence). I can feel your contempt for your daughters just as I could feel my mothers for us. It's no wonder your daughters don't respect you.

You have time to change and mend bridges but to do that you need to stop being all about you and your precious DS. However I suspect you won't and you'll end up with no relationship with your daughters become adults.

The poster said she has never touched or hit her kids before. There is difference here.

Huge, huge well done for responding to this crisis in this way, OP. You know you acted poorly and harmfully but your actions don't make you a bad person. You are not a bad person. You are struggling and are taking steps now to work towards a safe and healthy future. That is to be hugely commended. We are all behind you. Hand hold