Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

What a terrible thing to say, how on earth would that be allowed, its like stalking. Op is going to hospital for everyone's sake.

At so it’s the dds adult her mum jumped on her and attacked her. Because she realised when her mum threw an object to her to scare her?

Because that’s normal. Throwing stuff at your kids to scare them. The fact that Op was shocked she retaliated suggests this isn’t uncommon behaviour from the Op (as in doing something to try and scare her daughter) and that she didn’t expect her daughter to react. But this time her daughter did.

Which people do eventually. Op is the adult. If she doesn’t want people throwing things at her she shouldn’t be doing it to anyone else.

Stop passing on the blame to everyone else. No, the poster hasn’t tipped you over the edge. You attacked your child and that’s what’s tipped you over the edge. Stop blaming your husband, child and now other posters for your current situation. I think it’s good you are going to A and E - I hope you get the help you need.

I think they have ganged up on you until you flipped. A sustained bullying campaign by your husband, and now your daughters too. Theres only so much anyone can take. Your daughter's are victims in their own ways, but you need to get to safety, as now they've pushed you to a point that you will be punished for it forever. I think you need to get away and rebuild yourself and heal.

A&E is absolutely the right place for someone who is feeling the way OP says she is feeling.

She can ask to be admitted if she feels she needs to be, and if a doctor agrees, they can help her. If they don't feel it's that serious, they can signpost her to help in the community, which could well be via her GP, but she can't (and shouldn't) wait for an appointment there.

@Awfulmother1 I think you are doing the right thing. A+E is the right course of action and speak out about what has happened. You take full ownership of your part in this for yours and your daughter’s sake. Get proper therapy and speak about the context you are living in. It is definitely not a healthy marriage. The entire family dynamic is completely off. It is not just you.

My father in law was a raging narcissistic bully but my mother in law had her own separate issues that still cause family problems even though we don’t see father in law anymore. We are all flawed and complex. Dysfunctional dynamics are complex.

Oh op, I’m so sorry to read this. I haven’t read everyone’s replies …just the first few. You’re clearly not abusive. You’ve been abused your whole life and it sounds like your H is awful and has turned everyone against you.

You've been pushed to breaking point but the problem now is that you’ve ended up in a situation where you’re blaming yourself and everyone else is blaming you. You’ve given them all even more power over you by being violent. The only way out of this for you is to stop blaming yourself and look at the situation more pragmatically, but that will be impossible with your family blaming you. I’m not condoning violence but I don’t think it’s helpful to feel so much guilt. I can’t think of any way out of this unless you leave the situation and get some proper therapy so that you don’t keep allowing yourself to be abused so much that you end up in a reactive abuse situation.

FFS the boys father lives in the home! Your post is not supporting the OP to make the best decision.

'and your two female brats'

Awful way to talk about children. They have been brought up in dysfunctional environment, it sadly is no surprise that they are displaying behavioural issues although tbh messy rooms and burnt carpet from straighteners are par for the course. The attitude is not ok but kids are a product of their upbringing <not blaming the op, rather the awful dh>.

The father is out apparently, with the 2 dd.

Really???

The bullying on this thread has been abominable. I think people enjoy putting on the Perfect Mum performance and OP you have been an easy punchbag. I am so sorry you're in this situation and glad you're seeking help from people who are better placed to understand and support you. Putting your welfare first is an important step towards what I hope will be a brighter future for you. Keep doing that, and things will unfold. Good luck

OP isn’t living in the U.K. (clue was mentioning 13 week summer holidays), so I’m guessing she’s in Ireland and healthcare is slightly different over here.

If she has private health insurance through her husbands eployment, she’s likely to be seen much more quickly.

Yes this

I agree with this, you attacked your child, and so many posts have been excuse after excuse. There is no excuse, however getting out of the house before the kids return and going to A&E for help is a good step, I agree.

Good idea

Just want to check I have this right.
Op throwing stuff at her daughter ✅️ because everyone's mean to op and bedrooms untidy.
Daughter throwing something back ❌️ is awful and being a brat.
Op then assaulting her daughter ✅️ and poor op, how dreadful for her?

Hi OP, I have read all your replies on this post and want to say you are not a bad person. Yes, your behaviour was disproportionate to the point of the point police could be called but you have remorse and regret and I know you will heal and therefore be better to those around you.

I actually think much of this is a massive husband issue, it's so easy to swan in after work(sanity and time out of the house) and be the fun parent. He needs a firm discussion of how you both need to parent together. And please reduce your level of parenting - its really not worth engaging with those age teenagers, really lower your expectations.

If you cannot work, have you thought about study? The Open Uni offer a number of courses and you can build up to a degree.you can set up a study space at home as a way to designate something for you - I think the mistake is thinking being a mother must overtake us. You were someone before, you just need to find her again. Lots of love to you xx

I think you're doing the right thing going to A and E. Tell them everything. Hopefully you can get the help you need but your husband needs to take a good hard look at his actions and how allowing your oldest teenager, she ain't a child, to mentally abuse you along side him is disgusting. Seems the other daughter is learning Thier ways too. Interesting how he doesn't bother with his son..
I wonder if there is more going on behind the scenes 🤮

There’s a leap. The OP has stated quite clearly what the problem is and has referred herself to family services for help. Why the need to bring alcohol into it - is the judgmental pile on so far not enough for you ?

It’s not reactive abuse.

She threw the remote as a warning to get a reaction from her teen daughter! Her teen daughter reacted!

She then jumped on her daughter and assaulted her.

You are, in fact, condoning violence.

At the very least the daughters have been brought up in a massively dysfunctional household. Expecting them to be level headed responsible adults is just ridiculous. Expecting them to accept having things thrown at them or being attacked and be labelled abusers themselves is ridiculous.

"FFS" the father is out with the two DDs! So if she leaves who will look after the DS until the father comes home?

Oh behave. Who said they are a perfect mum.

Theres light years of space between perfect mum and mum who throws things and then attacks their child.