Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

You sound like you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you married a controlling arse who doesn't value you and has taught his children to disrespect you and now you're losing it just leave and get help.

@Awfulmother1

@Choochoo21 nice try choochoo - my kids do just fine. But I've fantasised about smacking them round the chops many times.

I've been raised in an incredibly abusive family so yes, I've experienced it my entire life.
It's not as simple and neat cut as people on here want it to be.
OP knows full well she has done wrong here. Kicking the boot in helped no one.

If this was a post about a child’s dad attacking them, everybody would be saying that the dad would need to leave or else that mum would need to leave and take children to safety. This is the same.

So because it's a female being violent, they need to work on repairing the family, not breaking it up?

We all know if this was a male attack, we would be advising the family seperates.

The poster is abusive. She then tries to blame her teenage daughters behaviour for her physical abuse

She is right, she's an unfit parent and is not a good role model for any of her children. Will be interesting to see what happens when all the children return to school and see if they repeat this incident.

She needs to leave the house and sort herself out before being allowed around children. Physical abuse is not ok or acceptable, neither is the very weak attempt of blaming the teenager.

You attacked your child OP. You sound very woe is me in all your posts and like none of it is your fault. You can’t attack your child. If a man attacked his daughter, everyone would be horrified.

I'm only speaking from experience. I had PTSD, and I couldn't control my temper. I was like a different person. I'm just thankful I finally got the right help and I'm back to myself again

My youngest left a tap on and brought the whole living room ceiling down….

Have you looked into whether there is any link between your emotions/behaviour and your cycle? As I've gone into (early) perimenopause at 40, I get horrendous red mists of rage, especially pre-menstrually. I think it's PMDD. Could be worth speaking to GP.

Everyone assumes something with posts written on a forum. Of course few admit it.
I said "seems to be" precisely because I made explicit my own assumption.

Yes, because obviously the man has to take a lot of the blame, doesn't he? FFS. 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm 44 and actually got my period this morning. I do get more angry and short tempered when I'm due.

British parenting is so weird. Why is a 16 year old shushing her mother (what the FUCK?!), not listening, being disrespectful, and throwing things in retaliation?

If I had done that, or anyone I grew up with for that matter, there would have been hell to pay. So I am shocked that this awful girl’s behaviour is being defended. OP is being disrespected in her own home. The 16 year old needs to fix up or leave and live independently if she’s a woman now.

I’ve read the full thread and am amazed how its been bent to now be the dads fault and he’s the abusive one. Ffs

There is also a good chance that one of the three kids will mention this when they go back to school. Either to their friends or their teachers who may well report to SS. Just because the husband hasn't done anything (yet) doesn't mean OP won't face any repercussions.

Your family (including you) all need help. You don't work as a unit. You and your husband aren't a team and as a result you've basically got his and her kids.

Why are you prolonging this misery?

I don’t agree with people who say the situation’s beyond saving or the DD’s behaviour is beyond saving and her mum should leave her. From what OP’s told us, this is one violent argument, not a pattern of abuse from OP. And OP knows it’s wrong and is taking steps to address it, including posting on here.

My teenage kids have been just as bad: told me to shush, told me to stop moaning, their rooms have looked like a landfill site, they’ve told me the housework is my job when asked to wash up etc. We’ve had violent arguments where they’ve pushed and punched me and I’ve raged and shouted at them. It’s not the end of the world. When we’ve all calmed down, we’ve talked it through and hugged it out.

We all get along great now. No more arguments. I’ve worked on remaining calm yet firm. I hide my stress from them now because I realised it makes them stressed and it escalates. They have a great deal of respect for me and I love them.

Your relationship with your husband is one thing to consider. But don’t give up on any of your kids. You’re their mum and they need you. It appears you’ve been carrying an awful lot without enough support a v long time. And you need help and support to move forward as a family. Don’t despair OP ❤️. You and your DD can come out of this closer than ever xx

Why are people making out moving out is such a simple/easy thing to do?

You need money for a start, then an actual property, OP has said she is out of work so unlikely to be able to private rent given the stipulations made my most LL/estate agents.

OP you know what you did was wrong. Counselling sounds like a good start. People are right there is never any excuse for violence but sometimes there are reasons as to why it’s occurred. That does not mean it’s ok or that it is not wrong.

Don't be xenophobic.

This has nothing to do with 'British parenting' 🙄

I think there’s a good chance this thread has been placed here to prove MN’ers are biased when it comes to abusive women.

But look at the wording of this post. Posts explaining what happened and the first 2 paragraphs are justifications of why this happened. Why she is closer to her Dad (couldn’t be because the mother in the household is abusive) then laying out why dd is awful.

The man the wording about what happened
’i threw the remote at her as a warning’ ie I just wanted to scare her or when I threw the remote it wasn’t that bad. I only threw it near her, it’s not that bad

’Dd launched it at me and it hit me’ again, making sure everyone knows that the DD behaved worse. Couldn’t possible be a teenager reacting badly at having a remote thrown to scare her. Couldn’t be the teen also meant it as a warning (since that’s acceptable to many). The Op just threw it by the dd launched it?

Op the claims she saw red. Suggesting she can’t control herself (in which case she shouldn’t be around any kids) and jumped up and attacked her. The *she punched me in the stomach twice’. Again some vague description of ops physical attack. But some detail about how the dd retaliated, what blows dd landed while being attacked.

Op couldn’t control herself but all of a sudden did when there were witnesses.

The whole post is playing down Ops actions and setting up everyone else as the villains. Subtle difference in language about her own actions compared with her daughters. Very common behaviour when abusive people are looking for sympathy.

Not so common when people believe they have done something awful and taking responsibility for it.

Have you reported yourself to the police? If not someone on here may decide to do it. They’d be able to track you down

Why not? You obviously need space from each other.

Monday morning you need to start getting help before you really hurt someone. No excuses. If the marriage is toxic then start making plans to leave the marriage. There's lots of help out there.

But you can't ignore what you've done to your DD. She may be a nightmare but that's no excuse for throwing things and assault.

Get help for yourself and your family.

I have a top 5 compiled from this thread alone!

Wtf? How? 😳

Yours, on the other hand... 🙄