Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

Jesus @Awfulmother1 the whole situation is so toxic. I have a tonne of compassion for where things are at for you and actually you have a lot of insight into the issues. It is definitely whole family problem. Your DH does not show you any respect or care so your children don’t. In time I doubt your son will either. I think you need to make a long term plan to leave this situation. The dynamics are so utterly toxic and if your DH continues undermining you and pushing your head under water what life will you have? I have seen examples of relationships similar to your family (I come from a large dysfunctional family) and unless there is a willingness to repair and make changes then I don’t see how things can move forward.

Yes.

Yes in Ireland. I have previously contacted womens aid but nothing came of it.

So why isn't your DH also putting money into that account so that you have some for yourself.
He is financially abusing you.
Whose name is the mortgage in, and whose name is on the deeds of ownership of the house?

Is the house in your name only?
Chuck husband and daughters out then.

Jesus wept. This thread is shocking.

Op is an adult. She may be abused and neglected and have mental health problems but she attacked a child.

If op attacked a child she wasn’t the parent Parent of in the supermarket would anyone be telling she wasn’t a bad person because her husband at home was awful? Or is it only ok because she is related to the child.

The teenager in this case, has clearly had emotional abuse inflicted on them as well. A parent who has never bonded with them, like they did their siblings. Right from the get go.

Op you need some help asap. You may even get reported for assault. And yes, you shouldn’t be around your child at this time.

He pays the bills,shopping, car insurance etc. Nothing name on mortgage and deeds. I paid the 38k deposit when we first bought the house from my savings as back then I had a good job.

@Awfulmother1 i am really sorry you are going through this as as family and individual.
i was in a similar situation to you when add was also 16.
My advice would be to try and create a space between you like maybe if there are grandparents nearby she can have a sleep on over? You also need a serious talk with your DH to navigate a way forward.
What has happened has happened but take steps from it over happening again. Consider counselling for you and dd to work through why the relationship is so fractured. Take steps to rebuild with her. Sending you a hug op, you are feeling awful as it is. It will get better: it’s a hard age. Things better with my dd though not perfect.

Sorry both names on mortgage and deeds.

Get in touch with them again. You are definitely in an abusive relationship. My family member was in a very similar situation (Ireland too) she got out and it was a travesty for her family relationships but over time she has slowly gotten back on her feet.

You're right. It's understandable when parents attack their children. Spoilt little shits need a good kicking, and it's usually the fault of the man, anyway. I feel sorry for the OP.

Thank you. Counselling is a definite. I'm waiting to hear back from them to arrange an initial appointment.

Sarcastic virtue-signalling is not a good look.

I think she's getting the responses she is because the first few posts were all about how awful her daughter is.

If her OP had included all the other information, the thread would likely have gone very differently.

Sticking up for abusers is a worse look

If you can't control yourself around your daughters, then you should let your husband discipline them through their teenage phase. That is if they actually do require disciplining.

I'd say leaving someone to crawl on their hands and knees after surgery is abusive.

No he couldnt/wouldn't take time of because at the time he was self employed I actually begged him to come to the psychiatric with me and he said he was to busy with work. He dropped me of, was meant to collect me but didn't answer his phone so I walked home in tears. When I tried to explain how I felt he went the park with the kids

I also had major surgery before my mental health diagnoses and he wasn't there. I had to crawl on the floor to get to the bathroom. He left the kids at home with me because I couldn't drive and he didn't have time to do all the school drop off and pick ups. This resulted in me not being able to heal properly and getting numerous infections and set backs

@Awfulmother1 I’m a MH nurse. First of all, can you keep yourself safe? It sounds like you’re in a very dark place right now and this thread won’t be helping. If you are having thoughts about hurting yourself that you think you might act on then you need to go to A&E/the ER/call the emergency number.

Right now, you’re probably feeling completely overwhelmed, panicky or spaced out. As long as you can keep yourself safe (if not, see above) there are some things you can do to start steadying yourself. What you did was wrong, but people don’t always make the correct decisions, especially when unwell. We do need to start managing the consequences though.

First, take a few deep breaths. Eat something if you haven’t recently. Drink some water. Hold something soft. Regardless of what we did, we all have the right to be alive and feel safe in our bodies. Your actions were bad but you are not a bad person.

Then, contact your MH team. If you had/have regular input from them then you’ll be on their books for emergency support. MH teams usually have respite houses where people in crisis can stay for a few days for free, so ask them about this. They will also send someone out to help support your MH right now and help you figure out what to do to.

Later, make sure that you have access to the paperwork for your invalidity payments. No need to change anything right now, but that may become necessary in the near future so ensure that you can. Make sure that you know where other important paperwork is too.

Hopefully, with these steps things will start to feel a little clearer. Keep safe x

The husband does not discipline them. He is a live-in Disney dad.

I last contacted them about two years ago after a few months of awful emotional , psychological and low level physical abuse from DH. He actually had me convinced I was crazy (maybe I am). At the time they had no room for me to stay with the three kids. I just felt totally defeated. I think I need to contact them and take my DS.

you are still wallowing op.
look at the bigger picture

That's why I said if they actually do require disciplining as not every parent resorts to yelling and hitting.

Absolutely this. Imagine the responses if the dad had attacked his dd

@Awfulmother1 sorry I wasn’t up to date with all your comments. Please do get some suuupory for yourself to navigate through this situation. It seems your DH and your DD are a bit like a tag team. Your dd is disrespecting you and in this instance you cracked. I can see from your posts you are not defending your actions and I know sometimes in situations like this we shock ourselves when a situation escalates. Feel free to pm me if you need any support as I did go through similar with my dd.

Thank you so much x