Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

It's so depressing and it's no wonder this website has a reputation of being full of man haters.

If a woman came on here and said her husband had behaved in the way OP admits to behaving, he would get absolutely zero sympathy and there wouldn't be a single person making excuses for his behaviour.

Its typical behaviour for an abuser actually, lie to get people on your side so your victims learn that no one will believe or support them.

If you've reached a point where you're physically attacking a child - your child - then you really should self-refer to social work, seek professional help and remove yourself from the environment until you and relevant professionals are confident that you are no longer a risk to that child or other children.

@Simonjt - the OP is upstairs by herself. Everyone else is downstairs.

I have done loads of safeguarding courses.

A child breaking their bed and mirrors is a sign of a very distressed child. For any number of reasons.

The husband siding with the child when she is physically assaulted by her mother is what I would expect a good father to do.

Jumping to an allegation of sexual abuse by the father is irresponsible.

. I had three under four with no help but to the outside world my DH is fantastic. The kids think that too. I constantly get told that we all hate you.

think your husband isn’t fantastic. There is a level of abuse here. He has isolated you. Stopped you getting a job & causing parental alienation. Might be worth asking for help from womens aid. Children always take the side of the one who makes life easy. Maybe this will force you to take charge of your life, he is so great let him look after them. Even if you got a job as a carer it would be something. Way to make friends earn bit of money for yourself give you space away from the children.yours was a reaction of a women at the end of her tether.

FFS. Imagine is this was a man towards his DC.

i cannot believe some answers on here. The OP was violent towards her DD. There would be absolutely no come back from this in my home.

I meant supporting the OP when she has tried to discipline the daughter in the past. If he had, then the OP would not have reached the end of her tether and this would not have happened.

As the OP said, the husband is the fun parent. That is not parenting. He does not support the OP so the kids have turned against her.

Jesus christ.

I agree that you should apologise to her, but her behaviour has led you this. You didn't attach her out of nowhere; it sounds like there has been a big build-up of frustration, lack of respect, etc.

You're victim blaming. I bet you wouldn't be saying this if it was a husband who attacked his wife. Her behaviour has not led to this, it doesn't matter if there has been a build up of lack of respect etc you do not resort to violence. It is not the daughters fault she was attacked by her mum.

It was OP who threw the remote at her.

The child was left bleeding, OP had to be dragged off of her and the DH was going to call the police on OP.

OP was in the wrong.

A load of abuse apologists have crawled out of the woodwork.

please go out for the day, at the very least op.
go for a walk outside the family home

Why didn't he phone the police then?

She's rubbing you up the wrong way. You need to better regulate yourself. Go for a small jog in the mornings and again at night. It will make you feel better. Even a 10 minute walk around the block will help release stress and make you feel better.

No, I am not blaming the daughter. I am blaming the husband.

It is not the daughter's fault that the husband does not discipline her is it?

Oh come off it, really?

You've never heard an abuser trying to garner sympathy by saying how awful they are??

You're very lucky to have never experienced this because many abused people hear this over and over again.

Then the mother would have been told to phone the police. The father said he was going to, so why didn't he?

Unfortunately I wasn't there so I can't tell you. Many partners don't call the police on their spouses out of misplaced loyalty.

Where did OP say he forced her to quit working? I got the impression OP was disappointed she had to return to work when her DD was only a few months old, as her DH got made redundant. Then when he got a job, she no longer had to work. Where did she say he forced her to quit?
Also, if her daughters say everyone hates her, how is he meant to stop them? Is he meant to physically gag them so they can’t speak?

@FoxtrotOscarKindaDay you clearly hate men so much, you’re unable to read this thread objectively.
If someone physically assaults someone else, it can’t possibly be the fault of a third party, who wasn’t even in the room at the time. Surely you must be able to see that?

Before I get slated I in no way condone OP's behaviour and she should have walked away.
OP I think you need to seriously look at your marriage, from what you have disclosed you have become over the years yet another Mumsnet poster who is just regarded as the home help, to the extend that your husband is condoning rude and disrespectful behaviour as the norm; you have also been forced into the position of being totally financially independent on your husband, which I see time and time again on here.
I'm not an expert and can offer no practical advice other than to say I do feel for you, you have fu*ed up immeasurably and I hope with help and counselling you are able to rebuild a relationship with your daughter. 💐

The other way round @outdamnedspots

I think a lot of you are massive hypocrites. You are loving sticking the boot in to an OP who is clearly completely beaten down and with a background of severe abuse and mental health issues.
She also fairly clearly had PPD after her daughter's birth.

The husband sounds like he's used her fragility against her and alienated the two girls from their own mother.

But in MN's righteous, black-and-white world the OP needs to be chastised and made to feel even worse than she clearly already does.

The daughter also assaulted her mother, and at 16 she's likely as strong as her, not a tiny vulnerable child.

It's not hard to keep your hands to yourself or remove yourself from the situation. So it's strange to me that people are defending the OP.

Unfortunately, lots of people don't call the police on their abusive partners - often out of fear of what will happen next.