Partners family won’t accept me

[FlowerKL]

I met my partner at work last year. Our situation is slightly complicated in that he was married and his wife was pregnant. They ended up splitting up before the baby was born and we left things for a couple of months and then started seeing each other regularly once the baby was born.

The problem now is his family won’t accept me. He’s recently moved in with me and my son, but his parents won’t have anything to do with me and I’m not welcome.

I know the timing of us getting together is bad, I feel bad about it but we fell in love and they are now divorced.
I don’t know how to manage the situation, he was very close to his family. He is happy to support me and stay together, even if it means losing his family in the meantime. Will things settle over time? Is there anything that I can do to try to make amends?

You should not have met the baby yet op. Your son certainly should have not met the baby yet. This is all abhorrent. I'll bet you introduced her as his sister. Poor children won't have a blooming clue. Grow up and stop treating babies like things to play with.

You sound young OP, let me guess, he's quite a bit older than you?

No, I’m in my thirties and we are a similar age. Why do I sound young?

Okay not young but maybe naive?

He seems to have left his pregnant wife for you - can you really trust him?

About a year after my ex left for the OW, they had an almighty bust up and he came
sniffing around me again. He blamed her for everything.

Obvs I told him to FTFO.

Ok, some "tough love" here.

but we fell in love

love, shmove. Love is a temporary condition. Being in love doesn't last. If you google history about love and romance, you'll see it has often been described as disease of the mind. You know, he fell in love with his ex wife, too, you do know that, right? He fell in love enough to MARRY HER. Think he'd ever marry you? Even if he did, you know the saying "if he'll do it 'with you', he'll do it to you". Men like him chase the 'high', and once marriage and domestic drudgery settles in, he goes looking the next 'high'. That was you. He doesn't love you. He was, like all cheating men, looking for excitement and a 'high'.

But the highs never last. The infatuated love 'disease' calms down into a more mature love and acceptance. And many people (especially men) can't handle that so look for the next high. And he will. Again. You were a distraction from his more comfortable and settled marriage. You caused his marriage to break up. A broken home with a daughter he rarely sees. And do you really want to be with a filthy cheater 'oh but it was wuv!!'. Bullshit. It was selfish excitement and a high. Any man that would walk out on his PREGNANT WIFE is nothing but scum from the gutter. He is garbage. Such low standards and taste in men you have there. He is no prize and if I were you, I'd be too ashamed to be seen with him. I'd be too embarrassed by him knowing what scum from the gutter he is.

If you have any human decency, you will leave him and encourage him to re-unite with his proper family. His family will never accept you, and you are in for a miserable life with them in your lives. Is that what you truly want? What misery. For all sides, you've created. It never ends up well, and he will do it to you. I PROMISE you that. And all for what? So you've broken up a marriage, taken a father from a little girl. That is NOT 'love'. You don't love him. That is not love. That is selfishness love high, a temporary mind disease. You don't know what love is. You have a temporary 'high'. Love isn't selfish. Love doesn't tear families apart. Love doesn't have a piece of shit man cheating on his wife when she is PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD! Love does not take a little girl's daddy away from her. You don't love him. Because what you are describing is not actual love. Love isn't selfish like that. You don't know what love is. If you'd love him, you'd send him back to his ex-wife to re-kindle their relationship.

For that little girl's sake.

Please do it. Because his family will never, ever accept you, and you, and his entire family are in for a life of misery. Do the decent thing. Please. And you can say 'oh but they're divorced now anyway'. But, you can allow him to get his wider family back. And, you can make it easier for that little girl's mother to want her dad to see him more regularly. Please do the right thing. You know yourself this 'relationship' won't last anyway. Make the decision that will see him re-unite him with his whole family. Please do it. For that little girl's sake, and for his and his family's sake. Because your relationship with his family is a write-off anyway, as is your long term future with him.

I’m glad at least the family has morals. They will always despise you, even if the dust settles and in order to reconcile with their son, they have to accept you. You are both disgusting.

If I were his family I would be absolutely appalled at what a selfish pair you two are. Your relationship won’t last as you have no human decency. I feel sorry for the children involved in this whole sorry saga

Because you have absolutely no understanding of what you have done, you’re totally lacking in sympathy for your victim and have a very self-focussed approach to every aspect of this situation.

Yes, and notice how she said " 'slightly' complicated"? She's trying to minimise it. Having an affair with a man with PREGNANT WIFE is not 'slightly' complicated. Its a massive clusterfuck of complicated. Having an affair with a long-standing married man is slightly complicated (more than slightly, but, for argument's sake...). But when his wife is PREGNANT, that is way, way, way beyond 'slightly'. She is so immature and selfish she thinks a man's wife, being pregnant with their child, is 'slightly'. What sort of life has the OP lead where the wife of a man is pregnant is only 'slightly'? That is not merely 'slightly'. That is massively, majorly complicated. It's bad enough he was married, but his WIFE was expecting their first child!. At that point, any woman not living in the gutter walks away. Head held high.

Too many men turn on their wives when pregnant. They don't like their wife getting 'fat', or they don't like that due to morning sickness, blood pressure, weight, exhaustion, hormones or all 5, that they aren't getting as much sex as before the wife was pregnant. It takes a man lower than maggot shit to cheat on his pregnant wife. It takes a woman just as lower than maggot shit to deliberately cheat with a husband of a fellow sister - knowing she is pregnant with their first child.

Nothing 'slightly' about it. To minimise it as merely 'slightly' shows the OP has no grasp of how serious a wife being pregnant and starting a family with her lawful husband is and how serious it is that she is luring a man away when his wife is pregnant. This isn't a mere affair. This is so incredibly much more serious and complicated than that. There is noting 'slightly' complicated about luring away a husband of a pregnant wife. That is beyond the lowest depths of evil and cruelty. An affair is bad enough. But when is wife is at home and pregnant? Beyond depraved, cruel and evil. 'Slightly'? FFS! A mature, mentally stable woman in their 30s wouldn't minimise something so very, very serious like that.

I don’t think you sound young….I think you sound weak, with no morals and desperate for any man that shows you attention, with no thought of how your actions will hurt others.

You know people name change, don't you?

It’s only been a year. It’s going to take much longer.

its not really you they don’t accept. It’s their own family member they hold in disgust and you by association. It’s just easier to ignore you. He can help the situation by being a decent father.

he should make sure he is following best practices for frequent, short visits with a young child . He should pay his maintenance on time. He should voluntarily pay for half of the mother’s child care expenses and any other large expenses. When the child is old enough for overnights, he shouldn’t expect to parent just on weekends and holidays. Most importantly, he shouldn’t be asking you to fulfill his parenting responsibilities.

I'm only just now reading through the full thread. Apparently it takes on average 9 to 12 years for a family to accept the OW. If you thought you could be accepted in less than 12 months, 12 months!, delusion does not even begin to describe you. You have no idea. You're trying to rush it so, so fast. 12 months they will still hate you. You have years before they will accept you, if they ever will, which I doubt. If you're so immature and naive you thought 12 months an it's be all hunky dory, you're impatient and beyond deeply delusional. You haven't even begun to start to pay for it yet. You have several years yet.

I was just hoping that someone could offer a solution to help make amends with his family.

The solution is simple. LEAVE. Leave him to re-unite with his whole wider family. Or wait years (he'll be gone though soon, and you know it, so you don't have years) and still get nothing. You want a solution that is fantasy that we can't give you. The real solution, if you really love him (and not your selfish 'wuv'), is to leave him and give that poor little girl her dad back, and give him his wider family back. After all, if you genuinely, truly love him as a person you will sacrifice yourself and walk away to give him his wider family back and let him be happy with his wider family. That, is the solution, and the only solution anyone on here will give you. Because he will only miss a few Christmases, weddings, family events before he turns on you for being the one that took that all away from him. Leave now before he turns on you with hate for what you took from him.

We can't give you the 'solution' you want. Only the solution you need. We won't lie to you because you want us to. You need the truth. Not lies and false hope for a hopeless situation.

Don't worry, OP. It would be a problem for very long.

He might be infatuated and combative now but guilt will soon take over.

Yup. Though narcissistic abusive cheating men like this often don't feel guilt. What they do feel though is anger and hate that they have lost their entire (by that I mean wider family; parents, grandma, sister/brother, cousins, favourite aunt, etc) family. All for this side piece woman that he will soon see as a burden. I wouldn't be surprised if he already hates and resents OP for taking is entire family from him. He will grow to HATE the OP for this, and blame her. Solely. If he doesn't already hate her and blame her now. That 'high' he feels for OP will turn to him hating the OP for destroying his life. 100% guarantee it. And he will probably not blame himself, just hate the OP for his own actions.

Yes, same here. It makes me wonder what is wrong with posters when are stalkers who go through an OP's post history. I mean, why? Why do that, in the first place? People are nuts. Nutso stalkers.

Nah, bad example. The family still hates Camilla, even William and Harry, all these decades later, still hate her. And blame her for their father double-crossing them in the media and in other areas.

“Slightly complicated” and “not nice” don’t even come close. I guess it may give a particular type of person a bit of an ego boost that a man would walk away from his wife and child for your super dipper snatch, but do you wonder in the dark of night what happens when he makes a “connection” with the next pretty girl from reception who pays him some attention?
mid I were his family I’d be utterly disgusted by you both and if you were my daughter I’d be deeply ashamed of you.

She KNEW he was married to his WIFE, (not merely girlfriend or 'partner'). She KNEW that. Yet she still lured him away from his wife who she also knew was pregnant with their first child! OP is equally to blame, if not more so, for what she did to a fellow pregnant and married sister. There is a special place in hell for women who do that to their own sisterhood. I am sure if a man did that to another man and broke the 'bro code' they'd also see it the same way.

The guy isn't exactly lily white either in this scenario.
I hope the parents are giving their cunt of a son and equally hard time of it.

Don’t be ridiculous. People don’t steal other peoples husbands and “lure them away”. Are you twelve? This man left his pregnant wife and then took up with a single woman.

You and him are not decent people.
He's still their son so they are saddled with him.
They don't need to know you.
Accept it.

They care about their grandchild and the mother of their grandchild more - very decent people. God bless them.

I also assumed young twenties due to the situation and extreme naivete in thinking his family will accept you anytime soon. Maybe after 20 years or so they'll begrudgingly accept you.

I can't believe what I just read. He IS a bad man. He abandoned his pregnant wife. He believed she'd bring their child into the world with her husband holding her hand in the birth room! Instead, she went through childbirth all alone - or at least without her husband and father of her child with her as birthing partner.

As she by her own admission was the OW. She was flirting, having an emotional affair with a man she knew was not only married, but expecting his first child. She was luring the man away and breaking that emotional bond he had with his wife. Even if she wasn't having sex with him (and I don't believe her) she was actively breaking his marriage apart with an emotional affair. If ever there was a clear example of an OW, the OP is it. And she admits it.

You're beyond ridiculous! Of course women lure married men away! It's happened since the dawn of time (and, to a lesser extent, men luring women away). She had an emotional affair with a married man, and then pretended it was only official after the baby was born. Wake up.