Partners family won’t accept me

[FlowerKL]

I met my partner at work last year. Our situation is slightly complicated in that he was married and his wife was pregnant. They ended up splitting up before the baby was born and we left things for a couple of months and then started seeing each other regularly once the baby was born.

The problem now is his family won’t accept me. He’s recently moved in with me and my son, but his parents won’t have anything to do with me and I’m not welcome.

I know the timing of us getting together is bad, I feel bad about it but we fell in love and they are now divorced.
I don’t know how to manage the situation, he was very close to his family. He is happy to support me and stay together, even if it means losing his family in the meantime. Will things settle over time? Is there anything that I can do to try to make amends?

Fucking hell, what a mess you two are.

What does that actually mean?

First wife? Why do you believe these ‘first wives’ are posting horrible comments? It’s a very strange comment

@TomeTome

'I met my partner at work last year. Our situation is slightly complicated in that he was married and his wife was pregnant.'

by the sound of it she met ( sat on his d*) her partner knowing he is married & his wife is pregnant so please don't make excuses for her

Of course she will back track now & say the didn't flirt or do anything with him that contributed to the marriage break up.

The thing is, if someone is in a relationship, married or separated- any decent person would encourage to fix the relationship if there are issues, not the opposite.

We had auntie like OP (they did not get married for like 30 years as my uncle was going between them two for ages). We called her 'plastic' because we knew she was fake and not to be trusted.

I mean, mainly what you have posted about him isn’t great.

You only met him last year, in that time he’s had a baby, split up from his wife and moved in with you. It’s not hard to understand that their not going to be to impressed with this but hopefully they are putting all there attention on to the new baby.

I don’t think that you can ask for anything from them, the situation is a mess. I can’t understand at all why you are with him or why you have put yourself in to this . I would have run at “had a pregnant wife”.

Ah Yes the evil temptress and the innocent weak willed man. How quaint.

The man is just as culpable. They are both horrible human beings.

Nope, ONE of them was married and not free to have a relationship with the other.

And the other got together with him knowing that he was married. Chose to 'fall in love' with someone who was leaving his pregnant wife. Yuck.
Both to blame.

There is a poster on here whose lashing out is excessive and repetitive, no doubt because she has been badly hurt herself in a scenario similar to your partner’s wife.
I think you have probably well and truly got the message from her, and others by now.

In my opinion, the best thing you can both do is keep your heads down for now and quietly get on with your lives with humility. Work hard and build your own future, step by step, hardening yourself against the onslaught. And understanding your fragile/vulnerable position. You have no rights as such in this situation so just always do the right thing at a distance, by his daughter, his wife and by his family …the people who have been devastated by your actions, without expecting any thanks from his family.

I am sure you can help soothe this troubled situation in some small ways if you concentrate on that instead of expecting acceptance and trying to assert your rights as his partner while he still has a wife. You must keep positive and keep smiling for your own family and not feel sorry for yourself.
Doing right by his family means staying away from them …staying well below their radar as much as possible …expecting nothing of them at all. Causing no more ripples.
All you do for now is accept any crumbs gratefully and hope that one day in the future, they will come round a bit and begin to tentatively reach out to include you.

Of course you must somehow also put your own little boy first too…..he deserves none of this bad feeling and negativity with which he is now associated. Protect him as much as you can. Work hard for his sake.
You would also be very wise to protect yourself from pregnancy for now.

Maybe in time, if your love is truly genuine and lasting, you will quietly become his second wife. But I suggest that only at that point, after you have both proven this was meant to be, can you congratulate yourselves and allow yourselves to move on past the pain you no doubt caused to a lot of people.

Until then, all you can do is your very best to minimise further hurt …and keep hope for your future. I hope it works out for the best for you all in the end.

In his parents shoes I’d have a really hard time accepting this too. He’s acted in a deplorable way and I’d be hugely ashamed and disappointed in my son. I would still love him but I wouldn’t be keen on meeting you in such a short period of time. It’s clearly quite a new relationship and given his track record I wouldn’t be particularly expecting it to last at this stage.

sorry if that sounds harsh but you’ve played a part in this too and neither of you come out of it very well. Leave his relationship with his family alone for him to figure out.

So he cheated on his wife with you whilst she was pregnant?

I agree. I’m not a ‘first wife’ that’s bitter or twisted. I’m an individual that thinks that both the DP and OP are culpable and that both cheaters and homewreckers are scummy.

'Complicated' doing some very heavy lifting in the OP

There is no doubt you have a tough road ahead, but if you are both determined to make it work, then eventually I am sure the family will relent. It is still very raw at the moment.

I would never accept someone as low as you either.

You reap what you sow.

Did they split up or did she kick him out when she found out about the “connection” he had with you when she was pregnant?

I think both parties have behaved badly with this. The difference is that your DPs parents are blood related and that they may only see their grandchild through him. They have some incentive to overlook what he's done for these reasons. They don't have any reasons to forgive you for your part in this.

You appear to have no insight at all in the damage you have done. You are blithely dribbling on about your son playing with their baby. Do you not see how inappropriate this is.

You and your son should be nowhere near her child. Of course his wife doesn't want to hand her baby over to him or his mistress. It absolutely isn't appropriate that you or your son are involved in anything to do with this child. Your affair partner will be allowed some contact with the child but his wife shouldn't have to tolerate you coming anywhere near her baby.

You don't seem bothered about the harm you have done to a family or the pain you and your disgusting affair partner have caused to his innocent wife and child.

You seem very self centered and lack any remorse or insight for what you and your affair partner have done.

This. No happy person ever got lured or snatched away from their marriage.🙄

OP - just give all this time.

This, OP.

Honestly the thing you should be thinking much more seriously about is your son. You try and justify with the ‘almost’ two years etc - which says so much. Stop. You’ve got together with a scumbag - there’s no other way to slice it. You’ve put yourself in the position where his family (your potential ‘in-laws’) are going to be hostile to you and therefore probably equally disinterested, at best, in your boy. All for a man who cheats on his pregnant wife?

Your little boy deserves better for a stepdad and to have positive relationships with a potential step-family. This relationship is unlikely to go the distance anyway!

can you really not do better than this guy?!

Our situation is slightly complicated

That's a bit of an understatement!

The reason people are asking your age is that you sound very naive - and I think you must be for allowing this man to move in with you and your son.

Please stop involving your son in all this playing happy families malarkey and have a long hard think about what you're doing.

Also, OP seems to think the wife having no contact with her in laws (and the baby’s blood family) is a good thing which will somehow clear the path for her 😂🤣🤣

Where did you get that from? All she said was that his ex has little contact with the in laws - she didn’t make any comment as to how she felt about it, or what she expected as a result of it.

Some posters are just straight making things up about total strangers with zero evidence to support what they’re saying.