Husband said he was too tired for sex this evening. But caught him masturbating.

[Honeyrattle]

I was hoping for some advice and perspectives. I've been married to my husband for 3 years.

We are on holiday in a hotel. We had sex this morning. He didn't last long - he said he was tired; I said don't worry and i asked if we could do it again this evening. He said he'd be too tired this evening, but said let's do it tomorrow morning.

Earlier this afternoon, I came back to the hotel room. He said he was going to have a nap, so I didn't knock so as not to wake him. But he was masturbating (under the covers, with his phone in one hand). I pretended not to notice, out of shock/awkwardness.

Afterwards, I went for a walk alone and felt really upset. Is it reasonable to be upset? I feel like he chose watching porn (or something similar) over me. And we're on holiday.

Any advice is really appreciated. I'm feeling pretty down about it.

Do you stop having sex with your partner as soon as you orgasm without any regard for whether she has orgasmed?

It doesn't sound like the masturbation is the issue here. It's the lack of regard for the OPs pleasure during sex. OP how you feel is valid and please talk to him about it before things build up.

Masturbation is very different to sex and within a healthy sex life, it's not an issue. But when the partner (male or female) is inconsiderate that's where issues come up.

I did with my ex…

even after nearly two years we’d send pics to each other and videos and over 50% of the time I’d use them to masturbate to…..

I can understand your feelings but as some other posters have already mentioned, I would agree that masturbation definitely scratches a different itch to sex. Sometimes it’s my preference (have a very healthy sex life with my husband) because it’s so effortless, almost? It also does help sleep and relax and sometimes husband has done it in the middle of the night almost in a not-mentally-sexual way (purely physical) to get to sleep when he struggles. If your sex life is good, I wouldn’t stress this.

@elbone. Well I'm female and sleep with men. But I always make sure I orgasm several times. I hope that my partner manages to least once!

Fine

Do you stop having sex with your partner as soon as you orgasm without any regard for whether HE has orgasmed?

@Elbone I try not to, but he sometimes takes ages, lol.
I totally see your point though.

@Honeyrattle how did the rest of the holiday go? Did you manage to try and have sex again together? There is nothing wrong with trying to schedule sex for later as it’s something to look forward to, enables you to put something sexy on and get yourself in the mood earlier in the day setting scene esp on holidays. We got back from holiday with my step dcs. Dp and I managed to have sex 5 times as we got a family suite where dcs were in their own room with a living room between us. I do expect more sex on holiday as removed from day to day stresses of life and I understand how you feel.

What Men Really Think About When They Masturbate
🤓
Additionally, while on a walk with my husband (and with your response in my mind) I nonchalantly asked, "could you send me the last video we made"? He smiled and said, "yeah, it's good...I just used it yesterday".
Afterward, I told him about this post. We had a conversation and he had a few good points.
He thought that it would be better to first ask her husband (and see how he responds).
Moreover, ask a men's forum; which would perhaps garner a more accurate response than a women's forum would on this topic.
Furthermore, my husband suggested that OP's husband may have been priming himself for the upcoming sexcapades that night.
Undoubtedly, broad generalisations are never an insightful approach.
Humans are individuals with independent experiences. Each which have sought after assorted sensory stimuli.
I hope OP and her husband take this opportunity to delve into an honest discussion that leads to discovery and marital development. Good luck!

What Men Think When They Masturbate

I hope OP and her husband take this as an opportunity to delve into an honest discussion resulting in blissful balmy days and naughty nights. Good luck!

Those are the partners that are still somewhat 'fresh' and indelible.

Fresh, meaning new partners. This I agree with. We're not talking about new relationships though. OP is not in a new relationship.

"Indelible" as in memorable, lasting and unforgettable. "Fresh" as in the sex they've recently had with their current partner or sex in a recent prior relationship.

The article stated:

"I didn't realize how many dudes masturbate to their current romantic partners, but according to Kerner, "In my experience working with men, many men will masturbate to their current partners or to partners in their recent history. Those are the partners that are still somewhat 'fresh' and indelible. Many of the men I talk to, who don't masturbate to porn, think about the sex they had somewhat recently and in their current relationship.'

He adds that a great byproduct of masturbating to your current partner is that a reward system lights up the entire brain and when this is connected to someone you're in a relationship with, the reward will be connected to someone in your life that you care about. (So, you'll feel even more connected to your lover as a result.) "

Would you agree, that at this point, any further digital counterstrikes or rebuttals would unlikely be helpful to OP? Currently, it appears that we are now relating more to semantics. Whether lexical or logical, our differing stances seem so divergent from the aim of the post. I'm open to discussing this topic to a greater extent, but not on this thread.
Wishing all a wonderful day :)

Honestly XChrome, I'd like to thank you for reminding me to use my brain some. I've enjoyed discussing this with you!
I answered OP because I didn't want her thinking about worse case scenario and have that ruin her vacation. So I chimed in and shared my experience. I've been with my husband a long time and I'm not some grandiose narcissist that would believe my husband has only and still only pleases himself to all things me. Nonetheless, I know that he does at least some of the time because I've also literally walked in on him while he was using one of our videos.
We're lucky in the fact that we have sustained a wonderful sexual chemistry. Is my marriage perfect...F*CK NO! Marriage is hard and family life is hard! I'm just thankful for the moments y'know? I've made so many mistakes. I'm not trying to replicate a perfect portrait of what marriage "ought to be"... I'm picking up the pieces trying to create a marital mosaic that represents us. It's not perfect. I think it would be weird if it was.

You don't need to explain. I didn't think you were a narcissist or were claiming that your marriage is perfect at all.
I think it's great that your husband is that into you. 🙂

Thanks ZippyDenimBear, I respect you and your opinions. Could you elaborate on how, "[I was] chatting crap"? I am unsure as to what specifically you are referring to. Much obliged.

No, I haven't the time to engage further.