DP unreasonable late nights

[Somethingwaswrong]

Hi I am in the process of moving house and me and DP are staying with my mum for 6 weeks while we exchange on the new house. Not ideal as my DP is not the easiest to live with and likes his own space, as does my mum so I feel stuck in the middle. Anyway. My partner usually stays up til 2/3am playing video games and would usually do this in his home office but is continuing to do this while we share a room at my mum's. So I have to sleep from around 11-2am with an eye mask on and hope he doesn't wake me. The noise of the laptop alone is waking me up let alone him walking around making a snack, going to bathroom etc. I have asked him to come to bed earlier as it feels really unfair but he said he can't sleep and he is being as quiet as he can. I'm fed up being woken up every night but not sure what the solution is?

What is happening right now is the universe waving a massive, giant red flag right in front of you. You have a chance now to get out of this shit relationship. Tell him to move out of your mum's ASAP.

What is the situation with the house you are planning to buy? Have you exchanged? Can you pull out now?

Please don't ignore that gut feeling that you have, he will only get worse.

Sometimes it takes other people reflecting a situation back at you in a really blunt, clear way to really see the bigger picture. You were focused on one small issue not the wider one, which is his overall selfishness and how he's worn you down, claimed the physical, financial and emotional space in the relationship without you even seeing it.

Personally I think excessive gaming in an adult is a massive red flag as it nearly always seems to lead to them not pulling their weight in a relationship. Especially when kids arrive.

Also, fast forward a few years. He already 'hates' your sister and is rude to your mum. He gradually starts refusing to go to family events or have Christmas with them. He doesn't want you inviting them to your house and also moans when you go to see them.. Eventually you stop socialising with them to avoid a row. He starts doing the same with your friends as he doesn't like them either. One day you wake up and realise he's isolated you from family and friends and you wonder how that happened.

Dump, Surely you can do better?

Hrm yes and the Christmas thing is striking a chord as I haven't spent Christmas day with my family in 5 years .. we had one year we didn't spend it with his family and my mum just came round for breakfast and that was it. Other years we spend the entire day and stay over with his family.

He's shown you who he is and it's not someone you want to be with- tell him to move out on his own

JFC, do not buy another house with this man.

It is great that you are realising all of this now when it's still relatively easy to pull out of the situation - there is lots of support available here, I leant on this board a lot when I left my ex who was very similar to yours.

You can do this, and you will be so pleased that you managed to dodge a bullet too and not spent the rest of your life trapped with this man child.

so he's already alienating you from your family. He's an utter man child which is. huge turn off, and is showing controlling tendencies.

Op please say you are going to break up with him?

Another to the pile of selfishness that is this man.

Let’s say you are buying a £400k house, he has a £200k deposit, you have a £20k deposit. You pay the £180k mortgage,

Over 25 years, though, you pay waaaay more than £180k because of the effect of interest. if interest is 4%, you pay £285k. Considerably more than he put in!!

You have a golden opportunity to get rid of this selfish, obnoxious man-child. Don't squander it.

Tell him to pack his bag and be out this evening. See a solicitor ASAP.

@Somethingwaswrong
He's not marriage or parent material.
Take your cash from the house you've sold and run.
He's a lazy, rude and selfish person.

This ☝️☝️☝️

There is a thread on here with someone who did buy the house and is now feeling trapped and wants to leave but the house is an issue - and there it was only the financial side not the rest

this is your chance

Very good point never thought about that

Having read all your replies, I am surprised you and he are not staying at his precious families home - as that's where you have spent 4/5 Christmases, and how come it is your mother's home you are both staying in ?...

Yes you would be paying more and I suspect it would be split 50/50

a better way would always be to ringfence the deposit and then split the mortgage

you cannot stay with him though OP having a child would be you paying and doing everything

Yes it is weird as they are close as a family but she is very neurotic about the house being clean so won't let him move back in, unless he was homeless and had nowhere else to go I suspect she probably would but my mum offered when she heard the situation and his did not.

No one can fully prepare you for a new born which tests relationships like nothing else. He won't stop gaming to allow you to sleep NOW. It's easy to stop now.

Believe me, when you are delirious with exhaustion, struggling to figure out a tiny human all alone, then getting up to face house chaos ... oh my word you have no idea what a hellish time you face.

Because I have no doubt he'll hide away from all of that deep in his games and leave you utterly alone. Honestly. Trust us. Do not go there. Save yourself.

Just realized you aren't married.

OMG, bin him out TODAY and count your lucky stars you aren't married or pregnant by this oaf. You will be shocked at how much better your life is by this weekend. Get rid!

Maybe book in for a couple of counselling sessions to unpack why this is.

Kick him out. He can go and stay with his mum.

Sorry but I would be running a country mile from buying another house with this man. He is clearly showing you what he considers you to be. Staff and despite going in as equal financial partners [even though you will pay more in the long run] you are getting anything but equal treatment. Are you married?

Have you considered sitting him down and discussing where the nursery would go? Whether he should game from his hobby location? Covering the mortgage while you are on mat leave? Sharing mat leave so he takes 6 months off?
You are moving onto a second house for more space but it sounds like the only thing he is considering is more space for HIM. If you ever wanted kids [and fine not to] it is entirely not on his radar or even a consideration.

I bet if you told your family you were considering dumping him from a height the look of relief on their faces would be obvious even if they were too tactful to say anything in case it blew up at them.

He sounds like a self absorbed teenager.
You say he's not easy to live with, so good luck in your new house.
Tell him to switch the bloody thing off for your DM sake
She's kind enough to let you stay
He should respect her need for sleep, and yours of course.

This is the most glaringly obvious LTB there has ever been on MN. No joint assets, pets or kids. Nothing at all tying you to him. Give him 24 hours to leave your mum's house and simply never think about him again.

What. A. Loser. (Him, not you, you sound lovely).

Missed your last post
Honestly You staying with your DM has given you a lightbulb moment
You have made so made compromises and just gone along with his wishes, you've never really thought about the bigger picture because it's " normal"
Pull out of the house purchase and finish it with him while you still can.
When the dust settles put your deposit into your own property, even if it's small, it will be yours.

Have been reading all messages and updates and am really surprised you’re still going through with buying the house.
Please, please pull out of this now because once you have exchanged contracts
it will cost you dearly if you then change your mind.