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Original poster

DP unreasonable late nights

175 replies

Somethingwaswrong · 26/08/2024 17:54

Hi I am in the process of moving house and me and DP are staying with my mum for 6 weeks while we exchange on the new house. Not ideal as my DP is not the easiest to live with and likes his own space, as does my mum so I feel stuck in the middle. Anyway. My partner usually stays up til 2/3am playing video games and would usually do this in his home office but is continuing to do this while we share a room at my mum's. So I have to sleep from around 11-2am with an eye mask on and hope he doesn't wake me. The noise of the laptop alone is waking me up let alone him walking around making a snack, going to bathroom etc. I have asked him to come to bed earlier as it feels really unfair but he said he can't sleep and he is being as quiet as he can. I'm fed up being woken up every night but not sure what the solution is?

OP posts:
Pashazade · 27/08/2024 08:08

He doesn't even put his laundry in the basket? Says it all really. Zero respect for you and no desire to change. You know what you have to do.

Jifmicroliquid · 27/08/2024 08:11

There is nothing more unattractive than a gaming man child.

funnyoldonion · 27/08/2024 08:14

In the meantime buy some ‘loops quiet’ earplugs and push them as far down your ears as possible to create a sealed space - this is what I do to block out an actual teenager acting the same - couldn’t live without them

Thursdaygirl · 27/08/2024 08:18

What’s in this for you, OP?

JanefromLondon1 · 27/08/2024 08:19

Do you want this to be your life? Do you want to have children because his selfishness wouldn't change if he can't even change to be a good house mate? Do you think he'll sit there playing games whilst you get up with a baby night in night out.

Walk away now rather than spend your early life with this selfish manchild.

focacciamuffin · 27/08/2024 08:22

Sorry for being facetious, OP, but I’ve never heard of an adult man acting like that.

I have. I used to work with one back in the late 1990s. After he started falling asleep in meetings (and snoring) he was let go.

betterangels · 27/08/2024 08:27

Somethingwaswrong · 26/08/2024 19:39

It's honestly making me have serious doubts about how selfish he is. We just sold our last house so I have my share of the deposit to walk away and it's feeling quite tempting atm. He is a bit selfish in other ways but nothings been as bad as this. It's been coupled with him not actually being very pleasant to my mum either and making me have a good look at him.

He's showing you who he is. You should believe him. Take your money and boot him out of your mother's house for being a rude overgrown teenager.

AuntieEstablishment · 27/08/2024 08:27

Somethingwaswrong · 26/08/2024 19:39

It's honestly making me have serious doubts about how selfish he is. We just sold our last house so I have my share of the deposit to walk away and it's feeling quite tempting atm. He is a bit selfish in other ways but nothings been as bad as this. It's been coupled with him not actually being very pleasant to my mum either and making me have a good look at him.

This is the biggest red flag for me. Don't settle with a man who's unkind to your mother, OP.

betterangels · 27/08/2024 08:29

AuntieEstablishment · 27/08/2024 08:27

This is the biggest red flag for me. Don't settle with a man who's unkind to your mother, OP.

Show quote history

Agree.

AgnesX · 27/08/2024 08:30

Somethingwaswrong · 26/08/2024 20:01

He falls out of bed at 9ish and works from home so he's also got my desk etc while I work from the kitchen table on the days I'm at home! Not that that's even relevant but thinking about I feel like he's walking all over me. In the house we are buying, he also getting a workshop and garage for his car hobby (main reason we are moving) and also then gets the home office while I have to work from the kitchen as he says he's too messy and better he has a room to himself.. sorry it's kicking off all my other bug bears now and wondering why I'm letting him walk over me.

Show quote history

I'm wondering that too. I don't think there's anyone reading this thread that thinks otherwise.

35 and still behaving like a stroppy teen.

Moonshiners · 27/08/2024 08:36

Oh OP you are lucky that the sale hasn't gone through.
Pull out of the sale immediately and get rid of him.
If you're desperately missing his selfish arse then you might be able to get back together though you know as well as I do that that won't happen because you will realize more and more what a twat he is.
My DH has been married to me for 20 years and finds my mum quite hard work but has never once been rude to her. That alone is a red flag.
If you have kids it will be an absolute disaster
Also you need to look at yourself why the hell are you doing his washing? I have never done DHs washing unless he has specifically asked me for a favour.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/08/2024 08:36

Somethingwaswrong · 26/08/2024 19:39

It's honestly making me have serious doubts about how selfish he is. We just sold our last house so I have my share of the deposit to walk away and it's feeling quite tempting atm. He is a bit selfish in other ways but nothings been as bad as this. It's been coupled with him not actually being very pleasant to my mum either and making me have a good look at him.

I'm not anti-gaming as such. DH games (older than yours) but it doesn't affect me. I can MN while he games and he doesn't do it unless he's free. He also cleans, contributes and is a great partner. Your idiot is much worse.

He sounds horrible and selfish. For a start, I'd tell him to find somewhere else to be until you have found a house. Sleep is foundational like water, food, shelter and so on. You NEED sleep, he doesn't need to game. If he can't let you, off he fucks.

Once he's out, think really carefully about what you want. Because my answer would be, 'not this'. If you want children, run. He won't be an equal parent, not even a little bit.

LottieMary · 27/08/2024 08:36

Can’t he just go in the lounge and use headphones?!

Fannyfiggs · 27/08/2024 08:39

If he was rude to my mum, in her own home, that he is living in, his feet wouldn't touch the ground.

What are you getting from the relationship OP?

TheFlis · 27/08/2024 08:43

Good lord woman, raise your standards and get rid of this lazy, selfish man-child.

missmousemouth · 27/08/2024 08:46

If he's annoying you now, you will probably hate him with every fibre of your being when you have children.

MammaTo · 27/08/2024 08:46

Please have a serious think about whether you want to stay with this person. Is this the life you want for yourself? Going to bed alone night after night while he plays video games like a teenager. Imagine if you wanted to start a family, do you think he’d give up his cushy lifestyle to accommodate a baby? Does he do any housework, cooking, cleaning? What do you do at weekends? Do you go out and do anything nice or does he dictate them by staying up till silly o’clock on his video games. I would also hazard a guess his personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired too.

Kick him out and save your deposit.

Refugenewbie · 27/08/2024 08:51

I wouldn't persevere with this one.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2024 08:53

wondering why I'm letting him walk over me.

Yep, I’m wondering this as well.

parababe · 27/08/2024 08:56

OP, this is your 'sliding doors' moment! (If you've never seen the film, watch it!)
One brave decision could completely change the course of your life....
Ask yourself honestly, do you really want to be in a long term relationship with someone who behaves like this? Just for one moment imagine having a newborn/toddler, trying to create the family unit that you want with someone who just doesn't give you anything that shows he actually cares for you, your family, your future. Words are cheap - He is showing you exactly who he is and what he is prepared to give to you/this relationship. Believe what he is showing you - Not what he tries to tell you!
Good luck!

Tiswa · 27/08/2024 08:58

Are you insane he is making you pay all the mortgage on a joint house that he gets all the areas for because he would make the communal areas messy because he does no housework and has no consideration for your needs

do you want kids because how are they going to fit in with this? You doing everything whilst having to work because you pay all the mortgage and have areas of the house you can’t go to because they are his and too messy

mushroomforest · 27/08/2024 09:07

Express your concerns to him and see if he is willing to change. If he isn’t willing to play video games for a sensible duration and at a sensible time, nor willing to step up in the other areas of concern you have, then I’m afraid I’d cut ties now before things get more involved for you. He would have to demonstrate real change over a long enough period of time, as well. In other words…it’s time for him to grow up. Whether he’s willing to do this or not is yet to be known.

Notwhatuwanttohear · 27/08/2024 09:10

His own mother his flesh and blood doesn't even want him in her house.....

And you are buying a house with him.

Oh dear this will not end well he is selfish and inconsiderate and what responsible adult games till 3am most nights.

He sounds like a real catch

Original poster
Somethingwaswrong · 27/08/2024 09:11

Tiswa · 27/08/2024 08:58

Are you insane he is making you pay all the mortgage on a joint house that he gets all the areas for because he would make the communal areas messy because he does no housework and has no consideration for your needs

do you want kids because how are they going to fit in with this? You doing everything whilst having to work because you pay all the mortgage and have areas of the house you can’t go to because they are his and too messy

When you put it like that it sounds mad but he is putting in 4x the deposit of me so it was to end up with us paying 50/50 of the house. But yeah I dont know how I've agreed to him getting all the spare areas of the house for himself

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 27/08/2024 09:12

Instead of using his inheritance to benefit you both, he’s going to pay, what, his half of the house outright, have lots of disposable income and all the nice spaces, whilst you mess up your back working at the kitchen table?

Just no. Run away.