DP unreasonable late nights

[Somethingwaswrong]

Hi I am in the process of moving house and me and DP are staying with my mum for 6 weeks while we exchange on the new house. Not ideal as my DP is not the easiest to live with and likes his own space, as does my mum so I feel stuck in the middle. Anyway. My partner usually stays up til 2/3am playing video games and would usually do this in his home office but is continuing to do this while we share a room at my mum's. So I have to sleep from around 11-2am with an eye mask on and hope he doesn't wake me. The noise of the laptop alone is waking me up let alone him walking around making a snack, going to bathroom etc. I have asked him to come to bed earlier as it feels really unfair but he said he can't sleep and he is being as quiet as he can. I'm fed up being woken up every night but not sure what the solution is?

Just curious as I don’t know enough about it – why is it a terrible idea?

Typically the person who takes time off (the mum) will have her expenses partially covered by dad. Your 'partner' will think that isn't OK. He will be happy for you to live in poverty. He will be happy.

Just dump. But if you don't, ask what he think would happen if you have kids. Let him talk, let him say what he thinks.

(Assuming that OP’s contribution is protected in some way – and they don’t have kids at the mo)

Sounds like it’s crept up on you and he’s slowly pushed your boundaries so he takes more and more and you have less and less equity with him.

I agree with everyone who says you will end up paying all the childcare and expenses for any children on top of the mortgage while he enjoys all the spaces he wants and plenty more disposable cash, while you also run ragged doing the lions share of the housework and childcare.

If that’s not a life you want for yourself get out now he will not get better, he’ll get worse - can you honestly see him even being supportive through a pregnancy and doing his fair share of night wakes for example?

And if you still waver have a think about any potential children - is this the sort of father you want to inflict on them? Because I can tell you now - selfish men pre children do not suddenly morph into engaged, present and selfless fathers. They get worse.

You need to have these conversations now, what happens with kids? How will finances be split? How does he plan to be a good father? If you plan to still move in you need to put more rules in place e.g he does his own laundry etc. It's funny that he is secluding you to the kitchen as that is where he seems to think a woman should be. I would tell him you're claiming back the office for a start

What a miserable future you will have cleaning up after this selfish man who gets all the spaces in the house and you get to be the only one paying the mortgage in your shared home. So much ick about everything. Just ask him to leave op.

Imagine having just given birth and you're up all night with the baby, wondering if your maternity pay will cover the mortgage and he is sat there at 2am gaming

That is indeed a grim premonition of things to come.

Why are you ignoring so many red flags. You pay for half the house (and he could ring fence his deposit and then pay the mortgage with you) but he has all the areas of it. And I suspect he will at some point say it is because he owns more of the hiuse

materbity leave I imagine you still do it all

and he hates your family

run run now while you can this is your window don’t lose it

When DH and I bought our house - admittedly we were married - I saved up as much as I could for deposit for years. He had inheritance he put in, 4-5 X what I did. At the time I was the higher earner.

We pay the mortgage together. We are a couple together.

Your partner is showing you who he is and what he thinks of you.

You will regret staying with him.

Also would love to know while you're paying the mortgage what happens to his income

Bet he gets to keep most of it to himself.

The fact he can't even stop gaming for 6 weeks - I think that's actually worse than a teenager

Honestly there's no point, words are meaningless - you can already see what kind of person he is.

He'll say he'll step up - but if he's too selfish to stop gaming so OP can sleep now, why would he stop when she needs to sleep after kids (and he needs to look after them)

But are you likely to be in this house for the duration of the mortgage term? Is this your forever home?

he treats your family like shit.
he is ungrateful and entitled.
he is selfish towards you.
he is lazy.

there is absolutely no good future here.

and do not forget that abusive behaviours often start in pregnancy or soon after. You’re starting at a point where he does not care about your feelings or needs. Thats your starting point.

Succinct and spot on. OP please listen to everyone saying this - many know from bitter experience, and once you have a child with someone it’s so much harder to extricate yourself. Plus even if you do you’re still tied to them for a looooooooooong time, and the poor kids are too.

You deserve so much better. I would walk away

Please tell him to fuck off back to his family.

You can then buy a property that's ALL yours. You can have the office, the bedroom, the living room, the bathroom, the kitchen plus any other room ALL TO YOURSELF. Do this act of kindness for yourself. No more excuses to your family for him being a wanker. BLISS ❤️

Are you planning to have children with this guy?

Think very very hard about what you're doing. What kind of help is he going to be at night if he won't break this behaviour even for his partner and your own mother while she kindly offers you a place to stay....?

I think moving in with your Mother has absolutely been the best thing that could have happened.
It has given you a great gift, a lightbulb moment.
He’s taking advantage of your good nature and I would be furious with myself for letting him.
Cheeky grabby bastard!
Take your money and dump him from your Mothers house and your life.
He can go back to Mummy and realise most women will not put up with him acting like a spoiled adolescent.

Walk away OP.

Do it now, while you still have time to recalibrate at your mum's and the money to make a fresh start.

Let him go off and buy his own property with his inheritance, and if he can afford somewhere himself with a home office garage and workshop - well then that's lovely.

you take your mortgage and buy your own place without a garage and workshop for someone else's ' hobbies '...

Meanwhile this rude teenager can find an airb&b or a short term rental until his completion day...

Thank goodness you are not married and don't have children with him as we can all see your future !!!

OP you have a chance right now to make a life for yourself that is not saddled with all this crap. If you wait until you have children, that will not change.
The way he treats your family is quite enough to walk away, but think about how YOU want to be treated, and what you want your future children to see their mother being treated like.

It's going to be hard... but this is the easiest moment to break free when you have no ties.

Kick him out and start over. You definitely won't regret it.

btw as he doesn't actually want to be staying at your mum's home, he can go straight away to a hotel until he finds an airb&b / short term rental.

and if he can't afford the new house himself ? you both need to pull out now !

Glad I posted here as didn't realise how bad this all was and tbh was just annoyed about the disturbed sleep but really the issue is he is selfish and I am starting to see him in a different light. He doesn't compromise on anything it's always me bending over backwards to make him happy

I hope you're going to sack him off and skip merrily into the sunset with your cash, OP! Freedom awaits.