DP unreasonable late nights

[Somethingwaswrong]

Hi I am in the process of moving house and me and DP are staying with my mum for 6 weeks while we exchange on the new house. Not ideal as my DP is not the easiest to live with and likes his own space, as does my mum so I feel stuck in the middle. Anyway. My partner usually stays up til 2/3am playing video games and would usually do this in his home office but is continuing to do this while we share a room at my mum's. So I have to sleep from around 11-2am with an eye mask on and hope he doesn't wake me. The noise of the laptop alone is waking me up let alone him walking around making a snack, going to bathroom etc. I have asked him to come to bed earlier as it feels really unfair but he said he can't sleep and he is being as quiet as he can. I'm fed up being woken up every night but not sure what the solution is?

Does he have any good points............? Because you appear to be doing all the compromising, both now and going forward.

He acts like this because he is a selfish and there are no consequences to his immature behaviour he does it because he knows he can and treats you meanly and you'll stay. He is a man child is that who you want to spend the rest of your life with and horrible to your mum what an emotionally manipulative asshoie - What must your poor mum think? Putting you both up and this is the disrespect he pays her with (immature teenage behaviour) Would you really want your mum/sister/future daughter/bf to be treated like that - what advice would you give them?

He does as I wouldn't be here otherwise but just feeling really frustrated at the mo and it's possibly opening my eyes to other unfair scenarios as I did feel a bit pissed off with the home office situation going forward

So, as I said in my post......selfish. In your new home he will have a workshop & a home office whilst you get to work at the kitchen table.

As others have said, now is a great time to take stock. Pull out of the house purchase & rethink if you want to live with him, otherwise you'll be back here in 5 years time moaning he does nothing round the house & keeps your newborn baby up due to his antisocial hours.

Mate, this really is the universe waving big red flags in your face!

You literally couldn’t be in a better position to take notice and extricate yourself from this relationship, this is the easiest most hassle free opportunity you’ll ever have.

He falls out of bed at 9ish and works from home so he's also got my desk etc while I work from the kitchen table on the days I'm at home! Not that that's even relevant but thinking about I feel like he's walking all over me.

He absolutely is walking all over you and I'm glad you're waking up. Do you want a lifetime of this? Bear in mind that selfish habits get worse as people get older.

Do not buy a house with this loser - it will only get worse.

First of all sounds like you are in a relationship with a teenager. Secondly why the heck is he getting all the spaces in the new house and you work from the kitchen??? I don't like this imbalance between you two at all. Are you sure this is the man to build life with?

Agreed. Don't exchange contracts. Then there's no jointly owned home, no joint mortgage, no marriage - nothing tying you to him. And you have money in the bank. You can walk away.

This really is a fork in the road, @Somethingwaswrong .

Errrm good god what on earth are you doing with him?!

Pack him off to his Mums with his share of the deposit and start again. He’s never going to change and if you ever had kids with him he would be such an arsehole.

Sounds like the perfect time to split up if you have sold your house.

I'm assuming you don't have kids. Do you want kids? Can you see him pulling his weight? My gamer ex who was up all night gaming and selfish in many small ways got violent and abusive once we had a baby and baby disturbed his sleep or I insisted he do some parenting/housework.

If it's currently you who cooks and cleans not him then why are you with him?!

Honestly it's been eye opening as I've ignored the gaming when it doesn't really impact me. Have no idea. We agreed I'd have the office but he's slowly convinced me he should have it and can keep all his mess out of the living areas of the house... Instead of just cleaning up after himself 😑

*Does he equally share finances with you?

*Does he do his laundry?

Does he do his fair share of cleaning,cooking etc?

Does he have friends he spends time with?

Do you and he go out regularly as a couple?

Is he sociable?

Do your friends and family like him?

Is he a generally a selfish person?

Can you see him giving up the ridiculous anti social hours gaming habit?

Could you see him being a decent involved father?

Sorry for the questions but a friend had ended up with a selfish twat who's in his forties and spends all his time while not at work gaming.He leaves all the cleaning/housework/parenting to my friend,her friends and family don't like him,he never takes her out on couples dates despite having a harem of babysitters and all photos of him and their kid seem to feature said kid sitting on daddy whilst daddy games.

My friend is basically a bang maid.

The trouble is - and I say this from experience- if you start with the whole “man cave” thing then it becomes a place for them to hide in when you have kids / need them to actually do anything.

My now ex dh was just like this. In the end it drove me mad. The breaking point was when we’d booked a weekend off to re decorate our bedroom and he just pissed off to the man cave all weekend playing Xbox etc and left me to decorate saying he had a headache (he didn’t; he just wanted to game). I just got so fed up with it in the end.

It’s fine to have some things you like to do separately but if it’s impacting on your sleep / time together / life plans then it’s a deal breaker.

If I were you, I'd take your half of the deposit and run! Being unpleasant to my mum would be a deal breaker for me. It sounds like he is taking advantage of your good nature 🙁

Honestly just end it. If you plan to have kids in the future this is not the man to have them with. He is not going to grow out of his teenage lifestyle if he hasn't by 35. It's going to be a very lonely life for you.

Almost don't want to answer your questions as feel embarrassed but here we go..

Does he equally share finances with you? - the house will be joint. He got a big inheritance and so he's putting that in and not paying any mortgage.

*Does he do his laundry?- big fat no, doesn't even put it in the laundry basket.

Does he do his fair share of cleaning,cooking etc?- cooking yes but cleaning no.

Does he have friends he spends time with? - yes

Do you and he go out regularly as a couple? - no rarely go out.

Is he sociable? - not really enjoys WFH

Do your friends and family like him? - not particularly

Is he a generally a selfish person? - thinking yes after this post

Can you see him giving up the ridiculous anti social hours gaming habit? - no I can't

Could you see him being a decent involved father? - if he continued the way he is then probably not no

God quite glaringly obvious issues!

Take this as a blessing, op. He is not marriage material.

It's honestly making me have serious doubts about how selfish he is.
he is. Wont even put his didty clothesnin the laundry basket. That is what he thinks of you. Your role is to pick up his dirty pants off the cloor. It is beneath him.

Oh OP. If only I had the wake-up call you're having now. Instead I chose to have DC with a selfish arsehole late night gamer who is now a completely absent father. What was I thinking, eh? Actions speak far, far louder than words. Take heed and rethink this entire relationship!!

Tell him to grow up, have some consideration or go and stay elsewhere until you complete on your house.

Oh OP. I'll say to you what I'd say to my adult daughter if she were in the same situation. Please think long and carefully about what you want in life, and how you see yourself and your own little family in the future. Think about what makes you happy. And then decide whether or not he is the right person to spend the rest of your life with.

Thanka for the responses, this has been an eye opening experience for sure and glad I am realising it while we are between houses

This gives me the ick and I don't have to deal with it.

Yeah I am feeling the same right now. Fed up.

End it OP.

Give yourself the chance whilst still young enough to have a family to meet someone else.

No man is perfect but your partner is a shit.

He's shown you who he is before you've committed to marriage and kids.

Do you want to end up a married single mum back on here 7/8 years down the line explaining how you work and are basically raising your kids alone whilst doing all the housework/laundry because your lazy selfish husband only pleases himself and prioritises himself/his friends/gaming over you and your family?

Staying with him is dooming yourself to a miserable,boring,lonely life where your friends and family might drift away as they don't like your partner.