Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

By the sound of it OP, you'd have more sense designating the cat the father of your child.

He moved in "accidentally"

Did you "accidentally" get pregnant too ?

You really need to get a grip on your life & start making decisions instead of letting things happen.

And btw, him paying you more than £200 is not paying towards your mortgage its rent. He might not have paid anything whilst living with his parents but he'd have to pay something if living elsewhere....and that includes with his girlfriend.

I'd say at least £500pm to cover his share of bills & food.....probably more like £750pm.

The cat is the least of your problems.

But it really shouldn’t be an either / or.

It's your house, he doesn't get to set the rules. YOU decide

a) if you want him to stay over
b) if you want him to move in
c) if you want the cat to move in
d) how much financial contribution you want to cover the costs of him living with you (you will lose single person's council tax reduction, you will have increased utilities usage, more food, wear and tear on appliances)
e) what contribution you want towards household tasks and childcare.

He may not agree, you may decide to compromise, but you have the upper hand here so don't let yourself be bullied.

Sounds like you're on a hiding to nothing with him in the long-term so I would invite him to find a home of his own with his cat.

I mean, £200 a month child support and refusal to pay his way in any meaningful terms tells you everything you need to know.

Battersea Dog & Cat home reckon the most basic cost of keeping a cat is over £100 a month.

Go figure....

In that case, he ought to be prioritising his child above his cat, and I say that as someone who likes cats.

Unlikely.

Based on all your updates, the cat is the absolute least of your issues with this man.

Your house. I wouldn't have a cat or a dog, least of all one I didn't choose. You'll resent it and in turn him.

Perfect reason to insist he moves back to his parents as him and his cat come as a package and you never agreed to him moving in

You beat me to it.

I'd say yes because I love cats. Possibly more than I like people

Seen updates. Bin him.

Send him back with the cat.

When he's ready to pay half of all bills, groceries and CM, discuss again.

He's going to increase your bills and council tax.

No wonder his parents want to get rid of him.

I'm wondering if this is a reverse. Certainly if someone was saying their boyfriend wouldn't let them bring their cat when moving in, I bet a lot of people would say they'd choose the cat over the boyfriend. It sounds like you're not that compatible if he absolutely wants to have the cat around and you absolutely don't. I'd tell him he can either stay without the cat or leave and be with the cat, and if that makes him want to split up with you altogether, you've dodged a bullet.

Freeloader alert...

You're life sounds rather chaotic and personally I'm worried about the cat's welfare. You also sound very young. Tell your boyfriend that he must return to his parents house. He isn't paying his way and it sounds like you don't particularly want him there.

So he is not exactly a partner but an on off boyfriend whom you have a child with - talk about drip feeding.

He will want to move straight back out and live with his cat somewhere else, whether that is back at his parents is up to him.

Is he going to pay the cats bills and food

If this is serious...

Give your head a wobble and go back to being the grown-up you were when you got the mortgage and didn't have the baby and gown up child / cock lodger.

He doesn't want to 'grown up' with you.

He will not change, you will still be doing all the heavy lifting in 20 years time without the benefit of being 20 years younger.

At least with a set co-parenting regime (i.e. he and his cat at his parents) you will know when you have down time and what maintenance payment to expect and can then go out with friends or even out and meet a 'real' partner.

Good luck and I hope you can take a view of your situation without the rose tinted glasses...

Another vote for this being essential to discuss before he moved in, never mind before you had a child. Now the horse has bolted, so to speak, IF you see the relationship lasting, then imho you need to suck it up. Of course he has a responsibility to his cat.

My now-DH moved in with me and two dds a year ago. We discussed his much adored (and thankfully elderly) cat beforehand - I emphatically didn't want a cat, but accepted that they came as a pair. This was on the firm understanding that once this one had gone, there wouldn't be more, which he happily agreed to and which is 100% being stuck to. We have a 9 year old dog who he adores and who utterly adores him, by the way.

I had no antipathy towards the cat herself and was careful to look after her and keep my end of the bargain (though he did the vast majority of Cat Duties) - but I absolutely hated having a cat, especially an elderly one. It really started to upset me. Ended up with a litter tray in our bedroom - as well as other places - for the entire duration (it was the only place she could be shut in for the first few weeks: doubly important given the dog). I loathed the whole thing, esp as she would stand in the tray and pee outside of it, so we had acres of pee pads everywhere and despite endless changing, the smell really got to me. Dds and I had to constantly remind ourselves it wasn't forever, and were very careful not to let any anti-cat speech out in front of dh but it was horrible tbh.

A couple of months ago the cat was diagnosed with kidney problems which explained what was by then endless peeing everywhere. After responding beautifully to the treatment for a few weeks, she suddenly went downhill very quickly and had to be PTS. Dh was devastated, bless him. I was upset for him but very relieved. But I love him and fully respected his need to look after her and honour his commitment to her.

It all depends on your relationship. I was lucky it wasn't for that long in the end, but I love him partly for how kind and caring he is, and wouldn't have dreamed of making him choose as he'd had her for 14 years.

This ^^ @Alyssah2 Please don't let this man continue to live in your house. Send him back to his parents and his cat

You are being very very foolish to let him stay and not pay you anything other than the maintenance for your baby while he lives with you. He is using your Gas/Electric, food stuffs, all sorts of things, even without paying anything towards the mortgage. He will suck you dry financially if you let him. Please have some respect for yourself and get him to go home. He cannot insist on staying in your house. It belongs to you and not to him

Send the cock lodger back to mummy and daddy and his cat

This is spot on

The cocklodger and his cat.

Neither sound that appealing tbh.