Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

Won't he now. FFS OP! He's taking the piss and you're letting him. He shouldn't be paying your mortgage or going on your deeds, but he damned well ought to be paying to keep a roof over his freeloading fucking head.

I don't think you have a choice, you either accept the cat or accept the end of the relationship.

I'd choose my cat over you personally.

Send this Prince back to mummy and daddy. Put a claim in for CMS. He’s using you and costing you money. Money, that you’ve earned and should be for your baby. He doesn’t have a clue about how much it costs to live by the sound of it and he doesn’t want to listen. This means he cares very little about you or your child.

My heart breaks for the poor cat but that’s not your responsibility OP, you have more than enough on your plate.

These situations are the result of society treating women and girls so badly that we grow up feeling we’re unlovable.
We want to be loved so badly that we accept less than the absolute bare minimum from any man who makes us feel loved even for just a fleeting moment.
OP if you let this manchild stay now you’ll learn the hard way, and your baby will suffer and then grow up learning that women are not deserving of respect and consideration and true love.
Please break the cycle.
You sound young but self reliant and determined. You have power and you’re worthy of a man who shares the burden of parenthood equally, don’t accept to parent this waste of space on top of your child.
Good luck, all the hugs xx

When my now DH moved in he gave me £600 a month towards his upkeep. That was nearly 30 years ago.

I agree with this.
Or could the cat be rehomed?

He was paying £200 for child maintenance before moving in and now wants to move in, plus the cat, and continue to pay the same?
Send him back to his parents asap

If you don't want that say no. I adore my cats but they have destroyed my furniture and carpet and the old one likes to piss on the bed.

This is the first argument of many if you can't agree about whether it's your house which he lives in, or your house together as a couple.

If it's the first one, you're adding an extra layer of complexity to the relationship as you're now also his landlady. And you're already in a dispute with the tenant.

You don't want him there, he's not contributing, he's adding no value and you don't want his cat. Send him back to his Mum.

Are you joking?

he is the embodiment of a cocklodger!

• he moved in by stealth.
• is laying down the law (by insisting his cat comes)
• he is not contributing financially (£200 doesn’t even cover costs for his child, what about his food, gas,electric etc)

move him back to his parents.

My son said he would never have a cat - But his girlfriend has one, and they live together , and son loves the cat a lot now.
Cats litter trays are probably the only downside with a cat, but a dog also needs daily picking up after.

Plus OP decided to get pregnant with this man...Why do that unless a man is proper partner material?

Then he goes back to live with his cat and you co parent again.

£200 was to support his child. He now has to contribute to his share of the bills if he moves in!

But he isnt contributing at all. All he is paying is child maintenance. And not a Lot! He is costing you money. And just moved himself in. Does he buy all the food? Tv Apps? What does he contribute other than child maintenance?

seriously, keep the cat and move him out. The cat will cost you less and will be easier to live with.

Why not? Her home, her choice. He has to choose.

He's likely to move out with his cat so you need to decide if you want him and the cat or neither of them!

What is it that's putting you off about the cat? They're quite low maintenance and very clean

But you do know that then he's living with you free of charge, don't you, because the money he pays is for child support? You would be much better off financially without him.

Me neither... it's just insane to have chosen to have a child with such a poor father {He sounds about 17}

This is ridiculous you should kick this cock lodger out.

£200 towards living their and his child is a pitiful amount.

Why are you even putting up with it he clearly has zero respect for you

Op - is he expecting you to pay for -

food
energy - cooking, heating, fridge, computers
water (for showers , baths, etc)
council tax bill

And that’s just basics

Its nothing to do with the mortgage, but cost of living.

He needs to be paying half the actual expenses of the child and half the bills as a minimum. He needs to be doing half the work of raising the child and running the house too. He isn’t contributing to a mortgage but he needs to contribute to things like t furnishings and decorating etc.

This would apply to a man or a woman.

That would save her money then. At the moment he isn’t covering the cost of him living there, let alone bringing in a cat that will probably cost her to keep and will probably do some damage. I’ve never had a pet that hasn’t cost a lot in the end!

@Alyssah2 is he earning?
I’m worrying about a future where he doesn’t earn but does childcare, still doesn’t pull his weight, and you’d risk losing primary carer status.

Unlike cocklodgers who tend to be high maintenance and messy.

very sensible
BUT

he can pay towards his portion of bills, gas leccie water etc, food - just nothing on or in your house

That does depend on the cat...a PP said their old cat pees on the bed and wrecks their furniture.
Cat pee smells pretty pungent.