Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

I hope not!

He is a pet owner! He owns a cat! He has a responsibility to that cat and shouldn't have left it in the first place if his parents didn't want to take over caring for it and loving it!

so would I.

Id kick the boyfriend out and move the cat in.

My husband wanted a pet free home too. Was a bit luke warm about the kids tbh.

Started with guinea pigs outside (turned out I was very very allergic, so they were rehomed at a friend’s), then presented him with a spaniel 13 years ago. That spaniel past 18m ago and he rushed home from work to say goodbye in tears - and he utterly adores the -er- two replacement spaniels, now 1 and 2yo. He didn’t ask for those either. However, he paid to have the floors changed to engineered wood and underfloor heated tiles throughout the downstairs to make it easier to hoover twice a day (they moult like buggery) and swapped out fabric sofas for leather. He can’t imagine life without them. Plus he knows, love me, love my dogs…

I'd sent him back to his parents over this anyway.

You lose your council tax discount if he moves in, entitlement to certain benefits/govt assistance, for a leech. Hard no there.

OP how on earth does £200 a month cover his share of food, the bills and child support? Don't be daft! As an absolute minimum [even taking the mortgage out of the equation] he should be paying half of the council tax, fuel bills, water, and food let alone things you need for your child. Send him home to his mummy if he isn't man enough to pay his way. You are worth so much more.

Did he contribute anything when he lived at home and if not, why not?
How old is he and is he working?
With every post he's sounding more like a cheeky freeloader who'll probably always be crap at pulling his weight if that's his attitude 😶

No way! Why would any self respecting woman choose to have a baby with a bloke who has no prospects and still lives with his parents?

Cock lodger

This is not about the cat. He needs to go and take his cat with him

He's making a total fool of you.

What are you gaining from this relationship? He’s living rent free with you!!

Oh god no. Cats are horrible.

And only eats frosted flakes?

The cat is probably lovely, the boyfriend, not so much.

The fact that he has a cat is his only redeeming feature that I can see..😺

What’s so wrong with a cat? They’re much less of a commitment than dogs and just lounge about and do their own thing. Is it really such a big deal? Imo, if you loved him and actually wanted to be with him, I can’t imagine that the cat would be that big of an issue.

There might have not been a conversation about him moving in, but, there sure as hell needs to be one about him moving out. A very one sided one, where you send him back to his parents and cat.

Yes all this. I think you should pay all your mortgage, it stops him from having a claim on your house. But, all the bills, including food, all baby related expenses should be split 50/50.

What worked well for us when DH first moved in to my house was a joint bank account that we both had a card for for all these things then our own accounts for our own mortgages and personal expenses

Ok but you need to sit down with him and make a budget to see how much he owes….
Make a list of all your bills; gas/elec, WIFI, water, food etc etc. He will be using those so needs to contribute half of the bills - he can’t just have them for free! Your council tax will now go up so he’ll need to cover the extra PLUS his contribution to your baby’s needs.

See if he still wants to live with you then……

Two questions:

1. Do you want a live-in relationship with him? As you have a child together, it’s prob worth giving it a go if you feel it could work. But equally you may prefer to live apart and be close co-parents/friends, with him staying over at times you need help, if you’re both happy with that. If you want to give it a go, it seems a little unfair to exclude his cat. But maybe it’s fairer to both the cat and you for it to stay with his parents for a few months until you’re 100% sure about living together permanently and have adjusted to living as a family. Set a deadline for the parents. If it’s an outdoor cat, as a compromise it could be restricted to a certain part of the house, e.g. not in bedrooms/lounge room.
2. Do you think you may need to work on having up-front convos about important stuff? You haven’t said how you came to have a child together or why you weren’t together when s/he was born. So maybe you had up-front chats about contraception and having a child. But if you didn’t discuss him moving in, and it just sort-of happened, working on communication may help. No judgement: I’ve had to learn the hard way. It’s common in relationships to go with the flow and make assumptions, rather than openly considering/communicating your current and future wants and needs and making definite decisions/setting clear boundaries. Will help whether you go forward as a family or as separate, friendly co-parents.

He's living with you and paying only £200 a month? You're being a doormat Op. say the cat is a firm No, and all house bills are to be split.

I think your final say should be that he moves back into his parents with that cat! What does he actually add to your life?

this!

2 years ago i moved in with a friend who has a cat. I wasn't keen on pets at all and kept telling myself it was only temporary and I wouldn't stay there for long.

2 years on, we still live together, and I love the cat more than life itself! Just saying OP. Give it a try.