Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

Exactly this. He is freeloading.

You don't 'have ' to let any animal come and live in your home. Say no and mean it but be aware that he may move out

I would pack him and his cat out on to the road like Dick Whittington to seek his fortune elsewhere.

His Mum had quite clearly foisted him on to you, for you to pay for his housing, food, cat food , bills etc.

It’s hard enough being a single mum without having a useless non contributing partner to support as well.

No way would I have a cat living in my house. Ugh. Especially with a small child.

The threads moved on from the cat, who has the least of the op’s worries (or should be).

Oh gosh. Not much point in him being there unless he is very helpful with baby?

That baby sitter with a cat is getting free rent, free sex, free meals, free labour and your energy, what a smart guy. His parents must love you. A nanny would have been easier.

I don't think he can afford to. And why would he pick cat over his baby?

Stop being so wet and making excuses for him. Tell him to fuck off back to his family.

@CitronellaDeVille No way would I have a cat living in my house. Ugh. Especially with a small child.

Gosh, why? What will happen?

You're not a family unit though are you? You are a grown up. You ahve a child and a house. You slipped up letting him move in. You'll never get rid of him and he wants another mom

Let him grow up first

You really need to tell him it was a rushed move, and you need him to move out.

Or... you will be forever regretting...

I’d guess that when @Remagirl posted she hadn’t seen the OP’s follow-up post about there being a baby.

WTH, why is a man having a pet cat weird. Can only women have cats?

I feel sorry for the cat only.

Yep, the cat brigade is full on tonight, they're taking this thread very very personal.

Pack his stuff up and change the locks. Then text him to tell him his things are on the doorstep as you never agreed to let him stay, he refused to leave and now it is time for him to go.

As for where he goes to live, that simply isn’t your problem. He can bed down in his flashy car. All you should be concerned about is giving the best start to life to your child and living with him isn’t it.

And please don’t worry about anyone ‘taking you both on’ in the future. This isn’t something to be concerned about and not how people think these days. You’re a resourceful young woman and a catch. It looks as though you perhaps could work on yourself right now as you’re clearly selling yourself short but when the time comes, anyone would be lucky to have you.

@Alyssah2 You haven't got "a family unit". What you've got is....one baby, one controlling freeloading man, and you supporting both of them.

This ⬆️

You feel sorry for a cocklodging arsehole who can't be bothered to pay for his own child, food and bills and whose relationship with the OP borders on abuse? There's something seriously wrong with your sense of proportion.

Exactly this!!

Why are you feeling so guilty about pushing him out?
Is this the UK with modern traditions and ambitions or are we in Asia with traditions that pertained when the Grandparents first came over. (and have changed by now)

It sounds like you had it all together before this loser foisted himself on you. You don't owe him free housing. You certainly don't owe his cat. It's not up to him, it's certainly not up to his parents, it's up to you who lives there, and up to you to negotiate a fair contribution.

Actually being a couple living together you need to have these conversations. The absolute cheek of him refusing to contribute to bills because he's not on your mortgage - like he was going to be able to start his own mortgage. He'd be renting if his parents kicked him out. Probably a room, as a lodger. How much would he be paying for that? Maybe he could pay you a little less if you're feeling kind. But he should be paying something. Doesn't sound like he's even covering his own addition to your bills at the moment.

He's been freeloading on his parents and now he thinks he can do the same to you. Not an attractive quality in a man, and surely not best for your child long term to see him exploiting you and you resenting it.

Moving in officially is a big step to make, and sounds like the cat issue may be time for you to have a think about whether you as a couple are really ready for that. If you are going to make it official moving in, you need to negotiate your own boundaries so that both of you are happy, not just him doing whatever he fancies. If he needs to live somewhere with his cat and you aren't willing to live with a cat, he can't live with you properly, wherever he's temporarily staying at the moment. What he does then is his problem. Not yours.

£200/ month is a joke, you are supporting him, send him back OP
Look up cocklodger.

From all your posts, you sound like you don’t like or want him in your life as anything but your kid’s dad - you certainly don’t sound like you respect him. Grow a bloody spine. Relationships are about having adult conversations about what you need from each other to thrive. Instead you’ve let him move himself in without ever being brave enough to have a conversation with him about it, all in the name of ‘a two-parent family being better’ and that it would be ‘hard to find anyone to take on me and my child’.

This relationship is doomed from the start - he sounds like an immature sponger and you sound passive-aggressively resentful and cowardly. Grow up and stop avoiding the difficult conversations.

I’d take the cat and kick him out, personally!

That's called a traditional family.

Go through his pockets when he is asleep, take the keys that fit your doors. Do not give one to him.

Cats don’t stay with people who don’t love them if they have other options. Nor should women. Sending you strength and assertiveness OP.