Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

You know, I guessed as much. The only things missing from the ‘bingo’ cocklodger list is that he smokes weeds, and games.

Yoy’ve picked yourself a real gem here.

Because she wanted a child and the sperm bank was closed for bank holidays.

Maybe RTFT... we're long beyond the cat now.

when he goes to work change whichever lock he has a key for. It's very easy to do, you can buy one from B&Q, Wickes, Amazon

Not your problem. He’s thirty. About time he grew up and faced responsibility. He’s had plenty of time to save money and not spend it on cars and takeaways. You sound like you feel sorry for him.

Yeah that's not it works.

He's her child, not yours.

Tell him to leave. He's lived with his parents up until now so he can go back there easily.

I’m beginning to think so.

Good grief send him back to his parents. What value is he adding to your life

This is real. I obviously have to think very long and hard about this because the alternative is me being stuck alone as a single mum and struggling to find anyone else to take me and my child on. I’ve got a family unit here so I do need to consider whether it’s worth keeping

Catlodger

Snap.

Ummm, most of us don't recognise what you are describing as an actual family.

You are a grown up with a baby, and he is a freeloading teenager

This is not going to get better. You need to be clear to him he can have a relationship with his child but needs to move out. Set some firm boundaries. Boundaries you are happy with.
Where he lives is not down to you.
You can change the locks if necessary.

I think it's not.
Just read all the responses on here from reasonable people with no axe to grind. He's a user. Don't be his mug.

So no money, pay check to paycheck, doesn't get on with his parents who know well what a loser they reared 🙄and now they want rid of his cat as well.

Nowhere to live so forced himself into your house.

YOU know well what a loser you chose for a father of your child.
Change the locks and tell him go back to his cat.
What sort of background have you OP to place such little value on yourself and your child?
I would be devastated and horrified in equal measure if you were my daughter to know you are being used by such a loser.

I don't believe this is anything other than a wind up to be honest now. It's totally ridiculous what we are being expected to believe. NO-ONE would be as passive as this poster appears to be

Just tell him to move back to his parents.
His mum is delighted she can offload her manchild to another woman.
Don't fall for that.

200 is nothing.
No way a grown man spends that little on food, bills and childcare.
Tbh cat is not a problem, he is the problem.

If this is real. Grow up OP. Take charge of your life and get rid of him

How did you manage before he moved in.

You sound like a lovely, resourceful, young woman who does not need the sort of man who moves in without asking in advance to create a good family unit. You and your precious DD can and will be a family unit that is worth just as much as any other shape one out there. In these rubbish times you have made a home for the two of you that is all yours, no small achievement. It's great that you are not letting her dad on to any official documents, stay strong there.

This 'man' has disrespected you which is NOT a great start. If you allow DD to grow up seeing this as perfectly ok then you are doing her a great disservice. I'm not going to tell you what to do as you obviously have brains and ability to make good decisions but with my hindsight of allowing a man to walk all over me for over a decade for the sake of a traditional family, and to now be living with adult children who treat me very similarly, get rid now and make yourself the best example of living well to your daughter. Don't have her repeating this in 20 years time.

PS IGNORE his bloody mother, she is obviously as keen to get rid as you should be!

OP someone can't just move into your home, tell him to move back to his parents and take the key back. I think you need to stop the romantic relationship and just go back to co-parenting as he is using it to overstep your boundaries.

If he doesn't move out you call the police.

This is a very weird situation, however you need to protect your child from this batshittery.

Seriously you are better off with the £200 "support" without having to use it to support his lazy cocklodging arse aswell. You're not his Mum.

EDIT: also stop inviting him for the overnight "helping", the only person he intends to help is himself to your bed.

But he's not 'taking you on' though, is he? You're taking HIM on. And you don't have to.

"the alternative is me being stuck alone as a single mum and struggling to find anyone else to take me and my child on"

You don't need anyone to take you and your child on. You can focus on being an amazing mother to your child. You don't need a man in your life to raise a healthy, wonderful, well-rounded child.

You’ll be better off as a single mother, than having this waster living with you.

As has been clearly stated, it’ll cost you more having him live with you, as he has no plans to contribute to the household expenses, and will continue spending it on cars and takeaways. (Where will the cars live - on your drive?).

At 30, he’s in a nmw job, so hasn’t progressed career wise, or made any plans to improve his lot (in-house training, further studies outside work etc).

His own parents clearly want rid of him.

Don’t under the romantic illusion that two parents are better than one, because I don’t think your child will have two parents. Yes, your dc will have you, but I can’t actually see your dp ‘parenting’ his child.

You're a single mum supporting herself just fine. You do not need this man or his bloody cat. Kick him back to his parents. That will be much more stable in the long run.