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Original poster

Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

598 replies

Alyssah2 · 26/08/2024 16:43

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

OP posts:
BeyondOlympicLevelProcrastinator · 26/08/2024 20:37

CowTown · 26/08/2024 20:36

Did you give him a key?

Hinting a bit towards victim blaming there... I've given plenty of people who've stayed for a few days my spare key. That's not an invite to never leave!

AluckyEllie · 26/08/2024 20:38

You need to boot him out. They are a all trying to guilt you into moving him in, he’s obviously a loser that his parents want out of their house so they are trying to dump him on you. £200 a month to live with you?! Cheeky shit. Does he work? Doesn’t really matter- do you want a useless cocklodger as a partner? You are clearly not stupid and work hard as you have a mortgage on a home for you and your baby- what does he add? Change the locks and ditch him.

Emptyandsad · 26/08/2024 20:38

When your partner moves in with you it should be a lovely period of honeymoon-like happiness. This is only going to get worse and it's bad already

Timetoheal4good · 26/08/2024 20:39

Please just ask this man to move out.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 26/08/2024 20:40

Remagirl · 26/08/2024 17:03

I prefer animals to people and in his shoes I'd go where the cat goes.

Fair enough but at least he will have to pull up his pants and be able to live alone so he can go where the cat goes. His parents don't want him with the cat and his partner doesn't want him with the cat.

redtrain123 · 26/08/2024 20:40

Alyssah2 · 26/08/2024 20:26

all those taking his side… his mother said to me “you have a child with him, he belongs in your house now, and his cat is part of the package, he has a family with you so his home is with you” him and his mother and father are forcing him and his cat on me. It’s meant to be MY house that I bought as a single mum. He moved in by stealth now they’re forcing a cat on me too

You can say no.

It’s not the 1950s. It’s not frowned upon to bring up a baby by yourself anymore.

It’s clear they want to get rid of him, and see you as the easy option. They’re using ‘the family’ as an excuse. However, he doesn’t sound much of a breadwinner and father figure to me.

Turf him out. He’s not your responsibility. He can always rent somewhere if his parents don’t want him back (and don’t let him stay until he finds somewhere, because he’ll never move out).

Ethylred · 26/08/2024 20:40

Alyssah2 · 26/08/2024 16:52

I let him move in because he is my baby’s father. He pretty much moved in by accident as he was just stopping over to support with our child and just sort of stayed.

What a useless excuse for a relationship.

beetr00 · 26/08/2024 20:41

Alyssah2 · 26/08/2024 20:37

Yes as that was the arrangement up until a month ago where he said he will stay a few nights to help with night feeds then never left. We’ve left apart ever since I was pregnant. I’m forcing myself to be a “family unit” as everyone says a 2 parent household is beneficial

Show quote history

Right then, time to be assertive,take the key back and send him on his way.

Don't let them bully you @Alyssah2 🌸

Choochoo21 · 26/08/2024 20:41

Alyssah2 · 26/08/2024 20:26

all those taking his side… his mother said to me “you have a child with him, he belongs in your house now, and his cat is part of the package, he has a family with you so his home is with you” him and his mother and father are forcing him and his cat on me. It’s meant to be MY house that I bought as a single mum. He moved in by stealth now they’re forcing a cat on me too

No one can force someone in your home.
Stop being so passive.

If you want him to live there then admit that but don’t act like his parents forced you to take him in.

If you don’t want him to live there then tell him to leave.

I assume he is over 16?
Therefore he can decide whether to live with you and rehome his cat or move back to his parents/to another place and keep his cat.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 26/08/2024 20:41

Alyssah2 · 26/08/2024 20:37

Yes as that was the arrangement up until a month ago where he said he will stay a few nights to help with night feeds then never left. We’ve left apart ever since I was pregnant. I’m forcing myself to be a “family unit” as everyone says a 2 parent household is beneficial

Show quote history

everyone says a 2 parent household is beneficial

Not when both parties are not committed to a healthy relationship where you can't even discuss if you should live together or not and what to do with his cat, and where one party is not pulling his weight in the relationship.

Merryoldgoat · 26/08/2024 20:42

Do you actually want him living with you?

Original poster
Alyssah2 · 26/08/2024 20:42

Choochoo21 · 26/08/2024 20:41

No one can force someone in your home.
Stop being so passive.

If you want him to live there then admit that but don’t act like his parents forced you to take him in.

If you don’t want him to live there then tell him to leave.

I assume he is over 16?
Therefore he can decide whether to live with you and rehome his cat or move back to his parents/to another place and keep his cat.

Show quote history

you need a reality check. He forced himself in. He stayed himself after saying he’s only staying a few nights.

OP posts:
redtrain123 · 26/08/2024 20:44

I’m curious, how old is he? Does he work? If so, good job? Job with a career? Was he saving for a house whilst living at home?

Dunnoburt · 26/08/2024 20:44

I'd pick my cat any day, it's not going to work OP

ObsidianTree · 26/08/2024 20:44

Sounds like you're fed up of the situation. I think it's now time to tell him to move back as you didn't want him living with you in the first place. How parents wanting him out is not your problem.

redtrain123 · 26/08/2024 20:44

Ilovelifeverymuch · 26/08/2024 20:41

everyone says a 2 parent household is beneficial

Not when both parties are not committed to a healthy relationship where you can't even discuss if you should live together or not and what to do with his cat, and where one party is not pulling his weight in the relationship.

Show quote history

This.

Original poster
Alyssah2 · 26/08/2024 20:45

redtrain123 · 26/08/2024 20:44

I’m curious, how old is he? Does he work? If so, good job? Job with a career? Was he saving for a house whilst living at home?

He’s 30. Never lived independently, always with parents. He doesn’t have savings, uses all his money on cars and takeaways and other stuff. He works full time on minimum wage

OP posts:
Onemoreterm · 26/08/2024 20:45

Bloody hell @Alyssah2. You need to move him out asap. He has no rights to your house! You are housing him for free!

purpleme12 · 26/08/2024 20:46

It doesn't really matter what's happened now. If you want him to go, you know what you need to do. So make a decision either way instead of repeating what's already happened. Otherwise perhaps you just like the drama

samanthablues · 26/08/2024 20:47

He's a cocklodger with a cat and you seem to have a problem with boundaries OP, why did you let him move by stealth? why didn't you discussed it with him? why are you even questioning if the cat stays or not when you want a pet free home? Clearly the parents are delighted you're in their lives because they can't wait to get rid of the son and the cat. You clearly lifted a burden from these people.

WulyJmpr · 26/08/2024 20:47

Please ask him to go or you'll end up with 2 kids to look after.

Sheeplesss · 26/08/2024 20:49

Not with a loser the family unit isn't beneficial.

He's a loser.

OP, if you wonder how women end up wasting years of their lives with wasters, full of regret...have a long look at how you got to this moment......this is your fork in the road moment when you will look back and realise that you were either brave and kicked this waste of space loser out who will only sponge off you, .........OR, this is your life until you get pregnant again and have another couple of children with him and bitterly regret your weakness and lack of bravery.
You WILL be the family workhorse paying and doing everything, as he just sponges off you.

What a life for your poor children.
All to just have a man, any man in your life?
What a waste of your life.

Pepsipepsi · 26/08/2024 20:50

"moved in by accident" 😂 😂 😂
I'm assuming the baby wasn't an accident though? The stork must have dropped it on your doorstep.

GlobalCitz · 26/08/2024 20:51

C1N1C · 26/08/2024 19:17

I'd say goodbye to my girlfriend if this was the case. Cats are like kids; anyone who can't accept them deserves to be dumped.

In this case, he would be saying goodbye to living with HIS BABY too.

His actual human, living breathing baby.

The number of people on this thread who say they'd leave a baby to be with their cat...

ChickenandaCanofCoke · 26/08/2024 20:51

"you need a reality check. He forced himself in. He stayed himself after saying he’s only staying a few nights."

Yeah, he can't do that. It's you who needs a reality check, you've got a child to protect and letting her loser of a dad sponge from you and dictate how it goes is not a good idea.

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