Weird relationship = sex issue

[MuckyAnthea]

Ok, I am seeing a new guy, well its been 9 months now. Anyway, we only ever have sex from behind, and it is starting to concern me a bit.
We have had sex in the missoinary position twice, but it was not that good and felt uncomfortable - as though he could not look at me in the eyes.

He could have a bit of an arse fetish, as he seems to get turned on by strokeing it, and kissing it etc. But it does not exactly stimulate me that much.

Also, he never kisses me properly, only ever pecks. I miss a good snog, and having sex with someone face to face.

Is there anything here I should be worried about, as this is all new. I was with my ex for 15 years, and we had no problem having sex in all sorts of positions, and we both loved a good snogging session.. But with this guy its all so controlled by him, and I am not sure if it is healthy or not.

Any advice much appreciated.

what's his mother like? bet she's a strange one...

Do you kiss and cuddle when not having sex? Maybe he is self conscious and doesn't want you looking at him, you could do with a long chat with him.

Girls be gentle, OP doesn't need her relationship pulling to bits and laughed at, she needs support...MA you don't need to answer the silly questions. Just do trust your instinct over this.

{{Positive vibes to help you finish it if you decide to}}

Flight i am certainly not laughing at her and pulling her relationship apart, every question i have asked has been a genuine question

Flight if you read the whole thread most of us have been back and forth with sensible suggestions and opinions for the OP all afternoon, so please don't wade in and belittle that. I do genuinely believe from what the OP has said that there is a chance her partner could be sexually repressed and possibly in the closet. Sorry, but I do.

I don't mean you Loopy. I just thought some people are being a bit unnecessarily, well, you know. Personal.

Or you MrsM.

Most people are being really helpful but there's a few daft posts too, just thought if I was in her position I'd feel very exposed and it's getting very personal.

MrsM I did post much earlier in the thread, I've made a few posts, hope you know I don't mean anything by asking people to be gentle. Trying to protect the OP a bit. I have read all of it.

I realise the anal sex question might of been a bit personal, but i felt it was a valid question which might support suspicions that he could be gay

oops sorry was that aimed at me Flight?

TBH it is a personal subject that the OP has posted, so didnt think personal questions were out of order.

Sorry if I have offended you Mucky... any lightheartedness was meant entirely in a supportive spirit.

I once had a very long relationship who would never show me any intimacy at all outside of bed. That was bad enough - no kissing on the sofa, or even hello/goodbye kisses, no holding hands even in private. I found the lack of non-sexual intimacy very hard to deal with and really only put up with it because:

a) I really liked him
b) the sex was fantastic in bed
c) he had intimacy issues from his rather distant mother/boarding school etc and by 40 really found it impossible to change.

I think I would find a lack of intimacy during sex which sounds a little like what you're describing impossible to put up with.

He wasn't a boarding school boy was he? they often have a problem dealing with intimacy (sorry for wild generalisation there)

I know MM, think we just need to be sensitive about it and not make it into a big joke - I know you didn't mean any harm, I just hope she is Ok.

sorry. consider me properly told off (never been told off for my posts before).

Naw, please don't feel bad, God the times I say the wrong thing are just uncountable (real word??)
I would hate to tell you off

Just realised she had left the thread and hoped we hadn;'t scared her

Please be my friend

And your posts were very funny

I stopped posting last week as I was getting it all wrong (again)
Now I am back and doing it again

I bet I am more unpopular than everyone else.

Sorry MM.

dont be daft.

Didn't mean to be harsh@Flight.

I think she's gone to bed as she's in Oz and said it was getting late there.

My sympathy to you Anthea. I've been thru not one, but two gay men (!) and I just have to say, alarm bells are going off here.... one of them sounds like the sex you describe..

And, a bit of brutal honesty here, most gay men are really intrigued/fascinated with breasts (probably because they'd like their own pair!) so I wouldn't use that as a ruling for whether or not he's gay if he touches them or not... Some gay men, like my ex-husband, were just too entrenched in fear to admit to themselves..and he was definitely mummy's golden darling. He didnt/wouldnt come out of the closet until she died.

You MUST go. Be strong! You can do it! Sending you huge vibes of strength from sunny Wilts...

MA

I have been following this thread since the beginning.Just got back from picking the dcs up

Can`t stop thinking about how you must be feeling .

He is never going to change .

Dump the LOSER
You won`t regret it

Keep posting

aussie helpline for victims of abuse. I would phone them for a confidential chat because what you have written here sounds like all the textbook signs of the early stages of abuse. I don't want to be dramatic but the ending of the relationship can be quite dangerous in such situations and and the helpline will be able to give you some good advice.

One bit of advice I would give would be to definitely change your locks, BEFORE you do anything else.