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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Weird relationship = sex issue

175 replies

MuckyAnthea · 17/04/2008 11:26

Ok, I am seeing a new guy, well its been 9 months now. Anyway, we only ever have sex from behind, and it is starting to concern me a bit.
We have had sex in the missoinary position twice, but it was not that good and felt uncomfortable - as though he could not look at me in the eyes.

He could have a bit of an arse fetish, as he seems to get turned on by strokeing it, and kissing it etc. But it does not exactly stimulate me that much.

Also, he never kisses me properly, only ever pecks. I miss a good snog, and having sex with someone face to face.

Is there anything here I should be worried about, as this is all new. I was with my ex for 15 years, and we had no problem having sex in all sorts of positions, and we both loved a good snogging session.. But with this guy its all so controlled by him, and I am not sure if it is healthy or not.

Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:

Report

mankymummy · 17/04/2008 14:11

next time he says "you no like me" manuel-style just say, "yep you're absolutely right matey, you are a fruit loop, now sod off".

themoon66 · 17/04/2008 14:12

What mankymummy says.

MuckyAnthea · 17/04/2008 14:15

hehehe mankymummy - you are funny/

OP posts:

nkf · 17/04/2008 14:18

Why is it hard to end such a relationship? It's not making you happy, you're not married, you don't have children together, the sex is weird, he won't kiss you etc....

What's the point? Seriously, just finish it. He'll be hurt yes but then he'll get over it.

loopylou6 · 17/04/2008 14:21

Please end this, its only been 9 months and whilst you may be fond of him i doubt your seriousley in love with him, this is all to weird and you know it, tbh i will echo the others, i think he could be gay, especially given his age and the length of his previous relationships. You are not gaining anything from this 'relationship' so get out now

madamez · 17/04/2008 14:22

Yes, get away as fast as possible. He does sound potentially dangerous, separating you from other people is always a major alarm bell.
However, there's something to consider here that affefts both you and him: I think you have both somehow absorbed the propaganda that a couple relationship is compulsory and without one, a human being is a failure. His issues sound more like homophobia than anything else (with a lively does of misogyny) ie he is really predominantly gay, can't accept that but doesn't think women are really people either. That's his problem, not yours.
Get away from him and once you have done so, remember that you do NOT 'need' a partner. IF you carry on thinking that you need to have a man in your life (and any man will do) you will be an easy target for fuckups and predators like him indefinitely.

mankymummy · 17/04/2008 14:23

find another normal bloke first, that'll make it easier to dump the wierdo.

mankymummy · 17/04/2008 14:24

why does everyone think he's gay?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/04/2008 14:27

you don't love him, you don't even like him, you are scared to break up with him. Call one of those old friends that you are 'banned' from seeing, get them to come and give you some support immediately after you do it. You can't stay with someone because you feel guilty, or sorry for them, or scared.

loopylou6 · 17/04/2008 14:28

Coz his nearly hitting 40, his longest relationship (i think) has been 9 months, he always wants to have sex from behind which would lead me to think he doesnt want to looka t her, this is probably the closest to anal sex hes got

MrsMattie · 17/04/2008 14:29

My gaydar went beserk as soon as I read the OP.

No long term relationships with women to speak of.
Wants to stay in a relationship and flaunt her round at family weddings, but can't stand intimacy and only wants to shag her from behind. Arse fetish. Oh, it all smacks of closetry to me and I have extremely well developed gaydar.

loopylou6 · 17/04/2008 14:29

Ohhh i cant believe im going to ask this, but i have to... MA has he ever asked for anal sex?

mankymummy · 17/04/2008 14:31

so... would you say a man who wears his DPs pink pyjamas, has tried on his sisters high heeled red shoes and frequently teases his DP about anal sex is probably more or less gay than OPs BF?!

mankymummy · 17/04/2008 14:32

ok loopy you've opened the floodgates, i've been dying to ask...

does he touch your boobs?!

MuckyAnthea · 17/04/2008 14:32

He pointed at it - and I said no, I have contemplated doing it, as I am preety open minded. But I know I should'nt with him, because I know instinctifly I know in the future its all he will expect.

OP posts:

loopylou6 · 17/04/2008 14:33

MM thats completely different, the man you are mentioning might just be in touch with his feminine side like a lot of blokes are, and the anal sex teasing is a man thing i think, my DH has frequently broached that subject the dirty git, a swift kick shuts him up though, have told him that 'passage is for things coming down, not up

TimeForMe · 17/04/2008 14:33

Theres a lot more to this guy than the sex issues. This man has problems, serious problems that go much further than the sex.

MuckyAnthea · 17/04/2008 14:33

he does not really kiss my boobs, only in a playing fashion, but does kiss them in a sexual way

OP posts:

MuckyAnthea · 17/04/2008 14:34

he does NOT kiss them in a sexual way I meant. sorry it is late here now.

OP posts:

loopylou6 · 17/04/2008 14:35

Oh MA, sorry to say it, but i would put alot of money on him being gay, anal can be healthy fantasy for straight men, but teamed with what you have told us, its alot more that in your BF's case Please finish it.

MrsMattie · 17/04/2008 14:35

Manky, sounds like across dresser to me. Completely different to being gay. Or perhaps just a practical joker. Not the same as what the OP has described at all.

mankymummy · 17/04/2008 14:35

loopy... thank god for that because i was describing my DP - pyjamas and shoes were for a laugh (he didnt find it so funny when the photos were pasted on facebook though...haha!).

Mucky... so does he then?

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TimeForMe · 17/04/2008 14:36

I would put a lot more money on him having a personality disorder. Gay men are not neccesarily controlling and separate you from your friends. Whatever he is, you need to get away from him as soon as possible.

mankymummy · 17/04/2008 14:38

hahahaha MrsMattie, can't wait to tell DP that!

ok... i'm convinced, he's a Gay Wierdo !

loopylou6 · 17/04/2008 14:39

MM i bet he didnt find it funny, but am sure you did.
MA does he ever do anything 'loving or tender' like stroke your hair/face/back etc? I think what im trying to ask wihtout going round the world and back again is, does he only go strange during sex? does he hold your hand in the street or cuddle you or anything like that?

Flip

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