Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Weird relationship = sex issue

175 replies

MuckyAnthea · 17/04/2008 11:26

Ok, I am seeing a new guy, well its been 9 months now. Anyway, we only ever have sex from behind, and it is starting to concern me a bit.
We have had sex in the missoinary position twice, but it was not that good and felt uncomfortable - as though he could not look at me in the eyes.

He could have a bit of an arse fetish, as he seems to get turned on by strokeing it, and kissing it etc. But it does not exactly stimulate me that much.

Also, he never kisses me properly, only ever pecks. I miss a good snog, and having sex with someone face to face.

Is there anything here I should be worried about, as this is all new. I was with my ex for 15 years, and we had no problem having sex in all sorts of positions, and we both loved a good snogging session.. But with this guy its all so controlled by him, and I am not sure if it is healthy or not.

Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:

Report

cluttercup · 29/04/2008 18:43

Glad you are ok MA. I had you buried under his patio at one point....

dittany · 26/04/2008 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hecate · 26/04/2008 10:38

Ah, well, you know how men like this work - they push and push and push and try to break you down, but it's like they can sense when you are ready to snap and they turn on the charm to create the confusion. You are then filled with hope because they have, well, tbh they've thrown a starving dog a small bone. Now you think there's hope, they love you, they might change.

There's not. They don't. They won't.

And once you've decided to go on and give them another chance, they continue their mission to break you down, making it less likely that you'll once again reach the decision to break things off. (if you do, they'll just throw another small bone).

The longer you are with a toxic man, the more out of touch with reality you get, the more your self esteem plummets and the more his behaviour becomes normal to you. And then you start to think it's your fault, that you'll never get anyone else, that he CAN be great because he has been - if only you could be better.

And then it's 20 years later and you've got no friends and family and you start to shake whenever he comes into the room and your whole life is spent planning how to live and talk and act so that you don't upset him and one morning he presses the hot iron into your arm because you didn't do his shirt collar right, and you apologise for letting him down.

MuckyAnthea · 26/04/2008 03:48

sorry everyone for the lack of response and to cause any undue worry. I have been working alot recently and not had chance to log on here. I had not seen him for the last week or so, when I did see him, he was very nice to me. Which completely turns everything upside down, but then at the drop of a hat, he can make me feel like shite. Just with a look or comment - like where did that come from? I have no idea how to end this, I really don't. When he is nice to me, I feel guilty for everything I say or write on here about him, but when he turns, I know thats the reason why it needs to end.

This cannot go on, I know I said I would end it, but its easier said then done. I will work it out in the end I hope.

Thank you all for your support and sorry again for not responding sooner.

OP posts:

davidtennantsmistress · 25/04/2008 17:20

still nothing from her? hope all is well.

cluttercup · 24/04/2008 23:20

bump for MA

MissGelly · 23/04/2008 12:21

I do wish she'd reply, even if she has decided to work things out with him.... It's shocking how easy it is to be genuinely concerned about someone halfway around the world and who you've never met

Flynnie · 21/04/2008 17:38

Have just read this thread and
Hope your ok MA.

themoon66 · 20/04/2008 19:44

Any news MA?

TimeForMe · 19/04/2008 11:28

Hi MA. I sincerely hope all goes ok. I hope getting rid of him proves easy. Keep in touch and let us know how you get on x

Monkeytrousers · 18/04/2008 20:07

oh, sorry. just read the op and posted. get the idea thios has changed into a different thread

Monkeytrousers · 18/04/2008 20:07

oh my god.

is this the Brokeback Mountain phenomenon?

davidtennantsmistress · 18/04/2008 20:03

good luck MA - if he does get a bit funny tell him to back off- if you can make sure you get the keys back - then again i'd not trust him to have not had a copy made so change them to be on the safe side- I would.

agree with every thing said prior thou, he's controlling manipulative, and basically bad news - but I guess you know that!

so keep strong and get rid. don't let him play mind games with you.

MrsMattie · 18/04/2008 18:47

Good luck MA. You sound like a cracking person and you'll find someone much nicer eventually, bet ya!

dazedandconfused · 18/04/2008 18:46

Oops sorry - didn't read the last comment that it's all off! (Keep up missus! )

dazedandconfused · 18/04/2008 18:45

Sounds like intimacy issues to me. Sorry to get all Freudian but what were his family relationships like? If his longest relationship has been 9 months I reckon he may have problems with trusting someone and opening up.

MissGelly · 18/04/2008 15:13

Best of luck, girlfriend!!!!

NotDoingTheHousework · 18/04/2008 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pinkchampagne · 18/04/2008 14:17

Wishing you lots of luck, MA.

zippitippitoes · 18/04/2008 13:28

good luck sweetheart

just bit the bulet and it wil be fine and you can move on and look forward to your trip to the uk an dmaking new friends

MuckyAnthea · 18/04/2008 13:28

I meant to say - you have saved 'me' from what could have been a nasty relationship.

Sorry, I have been out with friends and had a couple of glasses of wine... : )

OP posts:

MuckyAnthea · 18/04/2008 13:25

Thanks everyone for your replies.
I have a sense of humour, so am not offended by any comments whatsoever!! I love manky anthea!

I have managed to avoid him tonight, and will end it tomorrow. You have given me the strength and realisation that my gut instint has been right all along. I was just scared I was behaving irrationaly and it was all in my head. Now I know I am right, and it has to end.

I will keep you updated.

But thank you, you have probably saved what could have been - later down the line a very nasty relationship.

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

littlewoman · 17/04/2008 23:41

The Manky Anthea bit made me laugh Oops!

But apart from that, don't know whether he's gay or straight, but I do know in the words of Bridget Jones you are probably 'looking for something more extraordinary than that'. Hope you sort it out comfortably and with dignity. It's a horrible job, to dump somebody (it makes you feel mean, doesn't it?), so I hope you both get through it unscathed.

turquoise · 17/04/2008 18:07

Oh bloody hell: www.wrrc.org.au/

turquoise · 17/04/2008 18:06

again 1800 65 64 63.

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.