Does anyone else not pay for any bills? Am I not pulling my weight?

[Newbie232]

I was having a conversation with a work colleague who was surprised when I told her I don't contribute financially to the house when it comes to certain bills.

I don't pay for the mortgage, bills, my clothes, groceries, holidays. My wage goes on fun things like coffee dates, upgrading our holidays and gifts. I also pay for our regular cleaner and cook.

Me and DH historically earnt the same amount and earned around 50k each in previous years. We both work part time.

I wasn't sure if this was a culturul difference? In my culture women don't pay for anything in the relationship. I of course do contribute when I need to (house renovations), but the overall responsibility is not mine.

I also have responsibility over the home when it comes to it but at present with small DC's, DH helps a lot. He does most of the cleaning and I do most of the cooking. He works 2 days a week and spends more time with the kids than I do(for now). Before we had kids I would do a solid 70% of household chores but things have changed since.

Is this normal? I know it sounds like I'm not pulling my weight right now but I did give birth to the kids. I also struggled a lot during maternity leave to support DH's career progression so I only expect the same level of investment.

The most common norm on here is contributing in proportion to relative income. So you should be paying half.

Yeah this does seem unusual to me anyway. Personally, I pay 2/3 of all household bills (incl mortgage), my husband pays 1/3

Does this mean that you have more fun money and/or savings than your husband?

Does it really matter if it’s normal? If it works for your family that is surely the most important factor?

But you have a cleaner and a cook or you two do it? Post is confusing

I wasn't sure if this was a culturul difference? In my culture women don't pay for anything in the relationship.

How long have you been in the country to be unsure if this is a cultural difference?

Why don’t you contribute?

What other people say is normal or "right" is irrelevant. If you and your husband are both in agreement and are happy with how you manage things, that's all that matters.

Sounds idyllic

I pay half of everything - it’s 2024

All our money goes into the same account, and all our bills come out of that one account. We both have equal access to whatever is left. If your system works for you and you're both happy with that, then there's no reason to change it.

She does. In many ways.

We have a cleaner but they don't clean everything. Like washing, laundry, day to day mess from the kids. We have someone who cooks 5 dinners but not breakfast, lunch, weekend meals.

I really wouldn’t worry about what’s ‘normal’. As long as it works for you and your DH, that’s all that matters.

This year I am probably doing less at home but in the past 2 years I was a SAHM and doing a lot at home.

DH has taken responsibility financially and for us there is no point changing that as I may want to go back to being a SAHM. I think we both like that I don't have the pressure to work on me. I'm working moreso for enjoyment.

ODFOD with your not-so-stealthy bragging. “Me & DP both only work 2 days/wk and earn combined £100K. He looks after the kids & pays for almost everything; and I just pay for our private chef and cleaner (so I don’t even have that to do on the days I’m not either working nor having to care for my kids”.

Your faux naïveté stinks of ham.

Thank you x that is true actually.

Isn't this common in gypsy/traveller communities?

We also have a unique set up with money but dh and i are happy so who cares?

If you and your husband are happy with your current arrangement and it works well for you as a family unit without leaving either of you in a vulnerable position then that’s great, and anyone else’s opinions are irrelevant.

In what world do you have a joint income of 100k but can afford a private chef five days a week? Given that you've not been working for two years so your household was max 50k for two years.... Also does your husband earn 50k working two days a week or should that be pro rata?

Aside from all of that it is common in some cultures for a woman's money to be seen as her own and it's for the husband to provide even when the woman earns well

He works just two days a week?

I just had a really strange response from a colleague so I was a bit confused. She is quite extra though, so it probably was just her reaction.

I didn't tell her the ins and outs of our finances. I just said, "the best thing about being X is that I don't have to pay for anything." It was related to a conversation we were having.

If your husband can afford to work part time and can afford to support his wife and family - what is the problem ?

and if you can afford to work part time and can afford the cleaner and the cook - what is the problem.

What bizarre delusion, cultural or otherwise, has given you the impression your contribution to supporting yourself and your children is somehow optional, or an unwanted extra ‘pressure’?