Dumped after two great dates...

[TriPopz]

My very first dating experience since separating from my emotionally neglectful exH and it's fucking broken me.

We'd messaged every day on a dating app for a week or so. Great banter. He asked me out for a coffee. We met up and it was lovely, lots of chatting and laughing, no awkward silences, seemed like we had loads in common. We hugged at the end and swapped numbers. He WhatsApped me that same evening to say he'd had a great time with me. More messaging. He asked me out for a second time. We met again a week later. Same again. He held my hand, stroked my arm, put his arm round me, we kissed goodbye... WhatsApped me again the same evening to say he'd had fun. Nothing for 24 hours. Then this:

Hey, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I wanted to be honest with you. I've had a great time getting to know you, but I don't feel like this is going to work for me going forward. I wish you all the best in the future.

"All the best for the future" like I've been rejected from a fucking job interview!? Then:

I understand you are disappointed. I just feel like we are looking for different things and it wouldn't be fair to you to carry on seeing each other when I can't see a future. This wasn't an easy decision, but I feel it is the right one.I am sorry.

I'm gutted. I stupidly fell hard and fast but I thought it was mutual. I certainly wouldn't have bloody kissed him if I'd known I was never going to see him again! He thinks it's too early days for me apparently and doesn't want to be a part of my divorce process. I wasn't expecting him to be! I feel like he's giving up on something potentially great because of something bad that might happen. I naively thought that it was pretty rare to have genuine chemistry with someone you met OLD and so this just seems like a waste.

I don't know why I'm posting other than to stop myself messaging him to ask him to reconsider. Which definitely isn't going to help is it.

He's also now blocked me on WhatsApp and unmatched me on Hinge. Which makes me feel like I've done something really wrong 😔

Just because he instigated touching doesn't mean you have to comply.

Be a bit more wary and reserved, as one would with any stranger. Would you kiss a new postman the second time you met him?

The joys of OLD🤣

I totally get what you are feeling, had a similar experience a couple of years back.

It’s rare for me to feel a connection and hence was disappointed (gutted actually) that it was not reciprocated - made me totally question my judgement as I thought the feelings were mutual.

It was probably too soon for me after breaking up with Ex, the rejection really hurt, especially the blocking!

I think you do need a thick skin to enter the dating world these days 🤣

I’m only now thinking of venturing back into it, don’t let that experience put you off ❤️

Very well said.

I wouldn't touch anyone who wasn't divorced.

I've been burnt like that.

100% this
You're not ready
Get through your divorce first

I didn't read it that way. People are so obsessive over seeing themselves 'blocked' and perceiving it in a highly negative way. It may well be that he's unblocked the OP and apologised but isn't expecting any further contact at all. It doesn't mean at all that he's 'lining the OP up for sex'.

He's provided the explanation that OP asked for. She's rightly sad and is now licking her wounds but neither have done anything wrong.

What an odd question. I’ve known the postman for years , I don’t kiss him. I don’t know anyone who kisses their postman. Unless related /relationship.

you do realise she was on a date with this man, he wasn’t delivering to her house?

No I wasn't forced to comply, I reciprocated, because I wanted to. The point I was trying to make was that it really wasn't a case of me throwing myself at him and imagining the chemistry as has been insinuated. He instigated almost everything. Which is what leaves me confused is all.

Yes. It's confusing. Everything you describe is a positive and encouraging until he decided it wasn't for him.

I mean, it's really hard to navigate and understand what is going on when you have dates like these ending in an ending.

The only way is to be detached, check yourself if you find yourself being pulled in very quickly and perhaps date three or four people at a time.

A lot of people like the ego boost of knowing someone has fallen or started to fall for them. Or this chap was just wary of your getting involved too soon.

I mean perhaps he talked to his mates about you and they red flagged that you're just out of a LTR. Rebound etc.

They aren’t 12, of course he didn’t talk to his mates and they put him off.

Op, can you see what’s concerning in this. What did he do. Asked you for two dates, kissed you once, held your hand amd hugged you once, told you he had fun.

This is signs he’s potentially interested, not it’s intense chemistry, or he wants a full on relationship. If these minor things have you this way, then take some time to focus on recovering from your last relationship. Because you’re running away with yourself and it’s caused you to be in this state and I’m sure you don’t want this, I’m also sure he didn’t intend for you to think it was all so serious.

just try to take it easy op, calm down about men, you will meet someone, just try to take it easy,

I think some of the comments are coming across a bit harsh, tbh. We're not on AIBU...
Reading your posts it sounds like your motive for posting on here was for a bit of a virtual reassurance that everything is going to be OK. I think some of the responses sound a lot more harsh than they actually are and there's some good advice here. I would be crap at dating now, because it's so different to how I used to do it in my younger days!
OP - chin up. Be kind to yourself. I'm sorry you're having a shitty time.

@Josephinesnapoleon are you know the bloke then do you? You know exactly what happened. 🙄

My moneys still on him looking for a funtime friend and realising that wasn't what you wanted. Especially if there was lots of chemistry. And you seem a little...prudish, maybe, about having even kissed him.

Um if you actually read the thread you will see this is what the op said happened. 🙄

After 2 dates? Yep I'm pretty sure he has.

The alternative would be ghosting, and there's plenty of threads about that too and how disorientating it is.

First hurt after your marriage ends absolutely sucks, I think it unearths plenty of unresolved stuff and this situation and person is bearing the brunt of it.

As plenty before me have said, take some learning from this, time to focus on yourself.

Hey OP - I was just wondering how long it’s been since you have been on the dating scene? Modern dating is so very different to what it used to be. Once upon a time it wasn’t the done thing to date multiple people at once - you asked someone on a date and saw how things went. It’s so very different now and it can feel a bit jarring if you’re not accustomed to it.

As PP have mentioned, the language you’ve used, your horror at kissing him and no further dates, and how you’re asking if he’s now “moved on” suggest you might need to adjust your expectations a bit. Meant in the kindest and gentlest way.

i think he’s probably right to knock things on the head, tbh. You’re not ready yet and clearly very fragile. His message to you is quite astute and suggests he might be a decent guy. And hopefully you’ll meet lots of decent guys along the way, but lots won’t be the right fit, and that’s ok.

It’s hard feeling rejected, especially if you had your hopes up. Divorce and new beginnings can be hard emotionally so not surprised you’re feeling jangled.

Great that you’re having therapy - that’s a healthy support mechanism while you figure out what you want. You WILL be fine, and you WILL get there. Just be kind to yourself and don’t expect too much just yet. As PP said, friends and hobbies to fill your life is a good starting point - give yourself some time to heal and to become more emotionally robust before dipping your toes back in 💐

There was more than that but I take your point. I guess they're not minor things to me and I wouldn't do them with someone I hadn't gelled with. Not because I'm prudish, I just wouldn't be able to force it. I guess I've been naive.

What was the last few messages you sent before he blocked you? Did you send him multiple messages begging?

Dating apps are brutal. He was honest with you though. Sounds like he blocked you because he had found someone else more suited to him. Which is fair enough.

@Josephinesnapoleon even the op doesn't know what conversations the bloke has had in rl.

But there's nothing to say he didn't gel with you either. He could have enjoyed the dates just as much as you, felt the same way you did.

But then with a bit of space and some time to think decided that the situation wasn't right for him.

He's not done anything wrong. He's been honest with you, he's not ghosted you, he's not strung you along. He's told you the issue for him, and politely said he won't be dating you again.

If we were grading here, he'd be getting an A* for ending things in an adult, gentlemanly way.

Ach op, he wasn’t forcing it. I’m sure. I think many of us have kissed or held hands with someone then thought better of it. I know I have. Christ people have one night stands all the time. Or a few dates then decide it’s not for them, it’s really very normal.

I had dates like that, normally 1, years ago, it’s no big deal, and honest, my reply was good luck for your future

I know. That just makes it feel worse tbh 😂😓