Do you think once a man hits you once he’ll do it again?

[Missmaria95]

I’m 28 and he’s 37, we’ve been together nearly 3 years. I’ve always knew he had a temper, not necessarily towards me, just no patients. He is an ex body builder, so for the first few months of our relationship he was taking steroids, admittedly he treated me really bad during those times. But last week, he punched me in the face, not hard enough for me to be in pain but all the same he punched me, he then spat in my face twice. This happed because I was moody due to us travelling 2 hours with his friend to end up just driving back home because his friends girlfriend didn’t want to participate, but I ‘ruined’ it by being moody. He apologised and said how much he hates himself. Like I say, this is the first time in the whole relationship he actually hit me. Do you think because I ‘forgave’ him he’ll do it again?

Yes 100%

A punch in the face is a very deliberately aggressive act.

No form of violence is acceptable but a one off loss of control where you might do something more in the almost accidental category would absolutely not take this form.

Just out of interest, when have you ever resorted to punching someone? It is not something most people would dream of doing and so yes, it will happen again because this is a violent man not controlled by the usual societal or moral norms but by his temper.

Being on your own sounds so much better if I'm honest OP.

I'm glad that you've got family to go to. Can one of them come over whilst you pack your stuff and leave? If he's been violent before he's likely to be again once he realises he's losing you.

Yes. It will escalate. I'm glad youbare leaving but please don't let him talk you round.

Please read the inquest this week of the headteacher who was shot dead by her husband. She had forgiven him many times over their relationship.

Or my neighbour whose throat was cut by her husband. She had given him many second chances and had even left him, only to return.
.
Don't be those people. Don't go back

Report to police call 101 as incident has already happened, you were physically abused. Leave him. It is not acceptable. Lots of other kind posts, so hope you're reading it all.

Thankyou, I’m just packing my clothes that’s it then I’m going, he’s at work all day so I’m leaving whilst he’s not here

I'm glad you are leaving. Make sure you go somewhere safe.

And when you say you give your all to him and try to be a good girlfriend. I bet this means that you think if you 'try harder' he won't behave the way he does. I've been there. The goalposts always change because they make you dance around them, walk on eggshells and they like controlling you.

I recommend the Freedom Programme. It can be done online. Do it as many times you need. It helps to identify patterns of behaviour and helps to make you think about yourself and your needs and build your self esteem. I'd also be very open with everyone you know that he hit you and spat on you. It's not your fault, why protect him in any way? You are a worthy of a respectful, non-violent, loving, supportive relationship. He's a loser who misuses drugs and has an anger problem and likes to beat women. What a fuckup he is. You are worth a million times of him. Don't question that.

Yes Ive read them all, really appreciate everyone kind words

Yes and it will escalate. You will be completely under his control and fear for your life. There may be a little break from it and he will be all apologetic then he will grind you down gradually with emotional abuse before beating you.
Either way, once is enough. Report him to the police and get support to safely end the relationship.

I’m glad you are leaving but it’s extremely worrying that you would allow someone to treat you like shit at the beginning of the relationship.

Even the most abusive men start out acting lovely and then slowly start changing, else no one would be with them.

The fact that he treated you poorly at the beginning and you stayed is very concerning and I think you need to stay single and get some therapy or something before even thinking about a new relationship.
There is obviously a reason why you have such little respect for yourself and I think you need to find out what this is and how you can do better in the future, so when you meet a new man you can set firm boundaries and make sure they don’t cross them.

Well done for making plans to leave OP.

HE PUNCHED YOU IN THE FACE.

HE SPAT AT YOU.

Have you been watching the news , the rioters who did similar things have been given hefty prison sentences even though some have no previous convictions and, yes some of them even said sorry.

They have been given prison sentences because it is unacceptable for one human being to do those things to another human being.

Hitting you and spitting at you puts your bf on a level with those scum. And yes he will do it again, some years ago a survey byAmnesty into domestic violence found that on average a woman was assaulted by her partner over thirty times before she did anything.

They don’t stop until you stop them.

In your case as sure as night follows day.

Of course he will do it again....but don't give him the opportunity.

Report him to the police for assault and leave him.

I do agree with reporting to the Police. What's he's done is absolutely not acceptable. You wouldn't put up with anyone else punching you and spitting on your face.

If he's prosecuted it will let other Women know what a dangerous man he is.

Yes.

Why did you stay with him when he was violent when taking steroids? Counselling might help.

On your way out let him know he’s an absolute cunt, and he’ll spend the rest of his life living with someone he knows in his heart is a cunt, because that’s all he deserves.

Run.

Yes. You don't hit someone you love in the face

Yes, he absolutely will do it again. But next time it'll be worse and, again, it'll be your fault. He'll be sorry, he won't do it again, he loves you. But he will do it again and if you love someone, you don't punch them in the face. Get out now OP before he really hurts you, or worse.

Years ago, I ended a four year relationship because of a punch to the face. No amount of persuasion would have made me change my mind. It did turn quite ugly for a while.

It's not crazy to be more upset by the spitting, I completely understand what you mean. It shows underlying disrespect and hatred imo, which makes the punch in the face all the more serious and concerning, and all the more likely he will do it again.

I am so very glad to read that you're leaving him

You will be happier on your own than with this abuser. Please be aware that leaving is often a flashpoint for worse violence. He doesn’t love you if he’s punching you and spitting at you. He doesn’t have anger issues - he’s done this because he thought he could get away with assault. https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk
Please make sure you can exit safely. Leave when he’s out and if he comes back unexpectedly, call 999 or use the SOS emergency feature on your phone.

Yes. Get out of this relationship. The violence WILL escalate.

Why aren't you reporting him to the police for the punch? I wouldn't be surprised if he's already been reported to the police by a previous partner.

He'll do it again to someone else and he'll probably do more serious damage next time.

You need to request the police to do a Claire's law domestic abuse check on future partners.

https://clares-law.com/

Do the freedom project, either online or in person, to learn how to set boundaries in future relationships.

EDITED as I read OPs update

well done on leaving, OP. please still contact women’s aid as they can help you move forward and access services you may need.
i would also consider reporting to the police, of course it’s up to you.
be prepared for him to attempt to get you back with him and stay strong.
good luck x