Do you think once a man hits you once he’ll do it again?

[Missmaria95]

I’m 28 and he’s 37, we’ve been together nearly 3 years. I’ve always knew he had a temper, not necessarily towards me, just no patients. He is an ex body builder, so for the first few months of our relationship he was taking steroids, admittedly he treated me really bad during those times. But last week, he punched me in the face, not hard enough for me to be in pain but all the same he punched me, he then spat in my face twice. This happed because I was moody due to us travelling 2 hours with his friend to end up just driving back home because his friends girlfriend didn’t want to participate, but I ‘ruined’ it by being moody. He apologised and said how much he hates himself. Like I say, this is the first time in the whole relationship he actually hit me. Do you think because I ‘forgave’ him he’ll do it again?

I’m so pleased you are leaving and you have support. Please understand that any abuse is not normal or acceptable. Imagine a loved one being treated in the way you’ve described. You’d be horrified, shocked and want to get them away as quickly as possible. That should be your benchmark on how you should be treated.

You sound so lovely. I hope you find real happiness with someone who deserves you. Please get help for your self esteem if you are struggling. X

Don't be afraid of being by yourself, once you are free of this misery, you will be surprised at how much you like your own company, and will remember that you can do all the things you want to whenever you like. So much more you could be doing with your precious time than wasting it on this unpleasant man. There are so many better men than this one out there. Better to be by yourself than with someone who doesn't treat you with respect and decency.

Good for you

Yea unfortunately not only do abusers hit again it typically gets worse.

‘Do you think because I ‘forgave’ him he’ll do it again?’

Yes I do.

The amount of time between incidents will eventually decrease, as will the level of his‘apology’ as it will change to a narrative deflecting all blame for the abuse being your fault.

My best advice is to get out now.

Best wishes

Yes.

He will do it again, because if you forgive him and stay you will have trained him.

To know he can get away with it.

To know there will be no repercussions.

To know you will make excuses for him.

He is going to punch you again. Not hit ... Punch. He's a body builder. He has physical power against which you cannot hope to defend yourself.

He will then start doing it to your children, because he learned he can.

There will have been some kind of high attached, despite the fake apology and remorse. He'll seek that out again. And you'll be front and centre as the punch bag.

And sooner or later he will kill you.

I'm sorry, OP. He's broken your relationship and shown you what he is. There's no going back.

Well done - I'm proud of you for your strength and resolve. I do hope other women here will read your thread.

PS And he spat in your face.

This has for all eternity been an expression of absolute contemptuous scorn.

He hates and despises you, whatever soapy lies he might try to feed you to keep you under control.

Although it seems minor compared to being punched - it's evidence.

Stay safe and I do hope you have somewhere to go tonight.

Well done for leaving OP. Enjoy your new life without this abusive piece of shit.

a) yes I do think it's likely

b) even once is a deal-breaker. It's unforgivable - and the spitting too.

You ruined the day by being "moody"? Well, obviously there is no excuse for hitting you and spitting at you, but that one really takes the biscuit.

I’ve never met you but I am really relieved and super proud of you. Stay safe and with loved ones. Here’s to better things ahead xxx

It’s great being single - you can be moody all day and no one is going to dish out any punishments. The world is not going to run out of men any time soon. Please let us know you’re safe. Edit: meant for the OP.

I was the same age and asked the very same question.
He cried after the first time and I ended up comforting him...
It happened again and again, with the added contempt and humiliation of spitting at me.

He could of killed me.
So the answer is YES

Not just again , it will be worse next time. And that will go on with different spaces in between , until you're explaining it to someone else and you see the horrified look on their face.

Only if you let him OP.

Hi everyone

Im really sorry I haven’t responded, I thought I’d give you all an update.

i did indeed leave him that day, I just packed my things and left. When I got back with my family I text him and let him know it was over and the reasons why, told him I don’t want no contact, told him to get some help with his anger so then maybe he can live happy in the future and learn from this. Of course he told me all the sorrys in the world etc but I told him it’s too late and if he tries to contact me in the future then I’ll contact the police. He’s now been blocked and ‘touch wood’ I haven’t heard from him. Of course I’m feeling quite down at the minute and things are quite tough right now but I’m just distracting myself with work.

my plans for the future.. I don’t have any set plans right now, I just want to work on myself and learn to love myself so that this doesn’t ever happen again. I can’t expect a man to love me if I don’t love myself. Although, It will be a very long time before I plan on meeting anyone else.

I want to thank each and every one of you who left advice and kind words, I honestly believe you’ve saved my life. Not even from him, but living a life of misery and unhappiness. I never would have left him, I truly believed it was my fault.

although things are tough right now, I know everything will get better 💕

That’s a brilliant update @Missmaria95 :) I wish you all the very best for your fresh new start, well done on getting yourself out of that relationship xx

So amazing to read this. You’re already starting to see through the fog and it’s early days. I left my chap 5 years ago and life’s just getting better and better all the time. I’m clear headed now. No one gaslighting me, or have me questioning my own capabilities. I love my life and I don’t think I’d ever risk being that miserable again… not for any man. 💕

Well done! What you’ve done is incredibly brave and you should be so proud of yourself for having the strength and courage to leave that abusive man. It will be hard. You’ll be grieving. It’s very common for women who have left an abusive relationship to grieve for the loss of that relationship, the loss of the person you thought was real but wasn’t, the loss of the future you hoped to build when you were being love bombed. It’s great that you have the support of your family. Look into doing the freedom programme. It will help you to spot red flags and understand why you were drawn to a man like that. This will help you to avoid repeating old cycles when you do feel ready to move and meet someone in the future. Well done again! I am so happy for you that you’re safe.

OP, I'm so glad to hear from you. Every time there's one of these threads and the OP goes quiet I worry a little. Which is not at all to say that you owe us an update, so thank you for coming back and letting us know how things are going.

I'm sorry you're down and things are tough. It does take time, sometimes a very long time, to recover.

Second the pointer to the Freedom Programme. Also, Women's Aid may be able to direct you to a good counselling service. You deserve all the support that you need to recover, and wishing you the very best with the rest of your life.

Congratulations.

So glad you are out. Please never ever look back!

Stay strong OP, you should be very proud of yourself.

So glad you have left and are safe! This was horrible to read people who love us don’t treat us like that. Wish you a beautiful future with someone who treats you with respect and kindness. X

Well done on removing yourself from a very dangerous situation.
So chuffed that you've saw you're worth so much more.
The steroid use ,the aggression and violence is something no one needs.
Good luck op.

Well done.

👏💐👏💐👏💐👏💐👏💐👏💐

@Missmaria95 OP, have you heard of "roid rage"?

It's not just that women should steer clear of steroid users- all people should avoid them.

"Do you think once a man hits you once he’ll do it again?"

I have no idea, because once it happened that man would never have the chance to try again.