Do you think once a man hits you once he’ll do it again?

[Missmaria95]

I’m 28 and he’s 37, we’ve been together nearly 3 years. I’ve always knew he had a temper, not necessarily towards me, just no patients. He is an ex body builder, so for the first few months of our relationship he was taking steroids, admittedly he treated me really bad during those times. But last week, he punched me in the face, not hard enough for me to be in pain but all the same he punched me, he then spat in my face twice. This happed because I was moody due to us travelling 2 hours with his friend to end up just driving back home because his friends girlfriend didn’t want to participate, but I ‘ruined’ it by being moody. He apologised and said how much he hates himself. Like I say, this is the first time in the whole relationship he actually hit me. Do you think because I ‘forgave’ him he’ll do it again?

Of course he will - zero debate. The evidence shows this time and time again and the script is the same. If you stay you teach him that as long as he apologies, hitting you, spitting at you and verbally abusing you is something that you will accept - and the violence will increase. The question is more how many times will you be okay with him doing it? You don’t mention children so please contact women’s aid and get out as soon and as safely as you can - get their support as leaving can be a really dangerous time for women so make a good plan using all the support have. Don’t minimise it - it’s horrific and you’re just lucky that you didn’t experience more harm this time.

“I’ve always knew he had a temper”

“he treated me really bad”

“he punched me in the face”

“then spat in my face twice”

These are quoted from your opening post OP with your justifications removed.

“Do you think because I ‘forgave’ him he’ll do it again?”

Yes.

This is how abuse starts and continues. What HE learned from this is that you will tolerate his shitty behaviour. You will tolerate his violent behaviour. So now he knows that you will tolerate him treating you like shit and that YOU will apologise for HIS shit/violent behaviour, he’ll do it again.

1. Yes he is likely to do it again, and then more frequently, and harder.
2. Even if he never did it again, you'd live waiting for it to happen.
3. Even if he never did it again, he's still a man who punched his gf in the face and spat at her. The only sensible response to this is to leave him, and quickly.
4. Even without the violence, you say he has no patience and treated you badly 'in the first few months' of your relationship - why did you stay with someone who treated you badly so early on?
5. You are worth more than this. You deserve better than a man who hits women and has no patience.

You have to leave him. Even if he gets professional help.

Yes he'll do it again and it could be worse next time.
Please please leave him now!

You know you need to leave. I would report this also - to keep other women safe.

be strong op, you deserve so much more respect and care.

Jesus Christ op get out of this now before he kills you
He punched you in the face for no reason , being moody is not a reason to suddenly punch someone, it's not like you'd gone at him with an axe.
It will only get worse if you stay

He has been abusing you since the beginning, and now it’s turned into physical violence.

He will do it again. They always do. He’s crossed that line now, and if you stay he knows an apology and some crocodile tears is all it takes for you to forgive him.

If he was genuinely sorry (which he isn’t) he would be so disgusted with his behaviour that he would end the relationship and seek help. He’s not though, is he?

Please leave. I am begging you, this will not get better. Do you have family you can go to?

If you punched him and spat in his face what do you think he’d do?
Probably knock you straight out and never stop mentioning it in every argument subsequently.

Why can he punch and spit at you and be forgiven.
He wouldn’t forgive you.

Hitting your partner isn’t normal, isn’t right and is a crime.

And report him

He spat on you too like you are nothing.

Please go to the police or call the helpline Maria xx

Yes, he will do it again. But you may be able to avoid (temporarily) it by walking on eggshells, never being moody ever, watching him carefully to signs that he’s unhappy and just generally making yourself into a shell of a person to attend to him. Inevitably you’ll “step out of line” in his view at some point and require physical punishment again. If you read “why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft it gives you some good insight as well as advice on how to get out safely. Sorry you’re going through this. Can you get out safely? Do you live together?

Being punched and spat on once is entirely sufficient. Even if you had a cast iron guarantee that he’d never do it again (which you don’t, as he definitely will), you should still leave him.

If you are lucky he will hit you again. But he might kill you instead.

Run OP as fast as you can and as far away as you can.

And report it to the police.

Jesus wept! Is once not enough for you to leave him? You'll have a much, much happier life without that scum bag. He will do it again and it will escalate. Save yourself the bruises and leave now.

Even if he never did it again (unlikely) why on earth would you waste your precious life with a man who has shown you such contempt?

If you had a little sister, or a daughter, in your situation, what would you advise them to do?

I’m so sorry. This will never be right. He will hit you again and then again until you leave or are so badly hurt the authorities step in. You can’t have children with him, because he cannot control himself. It’s painful, but the story only gets worse, so you should walk away now. I’m a woman who didn’t walk away. I was punched bloody, he often grabbed my hair and slammed my head against a wall. He had open affairs. He destroyed my clothes so I couldn’t go out.
Please be very angry, very afraid. There is nothing you or anyone could have done to cause this. No apologising or promises will change this.
Take what matters most to you and leave never to return.

Yes. Why would it mean anything else?
Plus, if a man is capable of punching you, he is capable of killing you.

And now he knows you won't leave.

Prove him wrong before you end up being another statistic.

In your first sentence you say he did it last week .
From how your coming across , it's saying to me you are still with him . Leave.
He has no respect for you , and probably by his previous behaviour over the years , you have learnt to have no respect for yourself . So leave.

He’d get a criminal record for doing what he has done to you

Forgiveness gives permission for him to do it again. He knows then, what your stance on his behaviour is

Sorry I haven’t replied to everyone, there’s so many responses. To answer a few questions..

Yes I’m leaving today, I have lots of family etc so I’ll be safe and tbh I don’t think he’ll be too bothered I’ve left.

I stayed with him when he treated me like shit in the beginning because I guess I just want to be loved, the thought of being on my own makes me sad. I’m insecure, I know that, pathetic really. I give my all to him, I try to be a good woman, a good girlfriend.

no I don’t have any children

it’s crazy, I’m more hurt that he spat in my face, i hate spitting, so for someone to spit in my face is just the most degrading thing

Yes and it will be worse next time. He knows he can treat you bandit and you'll do nothing. Now he also knows that he can punch you in the face and you'll also stick around.

What does he have to do to for you to leave?

If you're not ready to leave him yet please ask for a disclosure under Claire's Law. I'm betting if he's 37, going out with a younger woman and "has a temper" he has previous for be violent towards other women too.

"he cannot control himself"

Oh, he CAN control himself, when he wants to. Does he punch his Mum, sister and boss?

Domestic abuse is a choice for the perpetrator, always

Sorry about your experience. Not minimising that

Please don't waste a day more of your one, precious life with this thug.

Yes. And it will be worse.