Do you think once a man hits you once he’ll do it again?

[Missmaria95]

I’m 28 and he’s 37, we’ve been together nearly 3 years. I’ve always knew he had a temper, not necessarily towards me, just no patients. He is an ex body builder, so for the first few months of our relationship he was taking steroids, admittedly he treated me really bad during those times. But last week, he punched me in the face, not hard enough for me to be in pain but all the same he punched me, he then spat in my face twice. This happed because I was moody due to us travelling 2 hours with his friend to end up just driving back home because his friends girlfriend didn’t want to participate, but I ‘ruined’ it by being moody. He apologised and said how much he hates himself. Like I say, this is the first time in the whole relationship he actually hit me. Do you think because I ‘forgave’ him he’ll do it again?

Hoping you're safe and sound with your family now OP and that you managed to get out without any fuss

I hope you're far away from him now and in a safe place. Report him to the police, block him on everything and do not let him anywhere near you ever again. I'm glad he hates himself, the horrible bastard that he is.

Yes. And I would also say that getting out is just the beginning. It's the beginning of recovery, and recovery can take a long time. I'm talking years.

You have taken the first step to get your life back, OP. We're all here rooting for you. Everything is better once you leave.

@Endoftheroad12345 I'm so sorry for what you have endured. I hope your ex gets his just desserts. And your parents who let you down so awfully, I hope they get what they deserve too🙏

@Endoftheroad12345 You have my utmost respect. 💐

Yes, women stay because they are afraid of the unscripted, the plan B that was never made. They don’t need to be made to feel small for being afraid - it won’t make them any braver.

@Endoftheroad12345 I am in awe of all you've done.

The one silver lining in this horrible stuff - we discover how bloody strong we are. You're amazing.

Yes.
Leave the vile creature before he kills you.

Yes there is absolutely no doubt that a man who hits once, will hit twice given the opportunity.

I've read your updates & it's good that you're leaving. The fact he hit you but not hard enough to cause a lot of pain could be telling too, my ex use to do that at 1st & justify it by saying he never hit me like he would a man.
Once you get to your family's place, the adrenaline may wear off &, if I can explain it correctly, around people who don't fully know what has happened you can almost rewrite it in your head, to make it not that bad. Please re read your OP to help you remember those feelings & what actually happened. Also, do not open the door to him if he comes round, there is no conversation to be had face to face with someone that has assaulted you, but from my experience, they also want to talk "face to face" as they know we can be 'brave' on the phone. Good luck, you've got this, honestly the hardest part is probably sticking with it X

If you continue to be involved with this man, you are sending him a message that he can abuse you, and that you will accept.

That is absolutely what he will think of this situation.

And if you accept that, then maybe next time he might do something a bit worse, and a bit worse. Because you're clearly ok to accept being totally abused. That is 100% how his horrible little brain will be working, I promise you

Yes he will for sure but he will be careful to leave a long gap and put in some good times because he knows you are watching him. Look up pattern of abuse

I'm glad you got away. DO NOT under any circumstances go back, no matter how much he will change and what he will do to stop it happening again. What he did is unforgivable, you don't have a future with a "man" who punched you in the face, and to spit on you? He's vermin.

I'm a guy, and my wife drives me absolutely crazy sometimes and I do get very angry. We shout at eachother and say horrible things. But Jesus Christ I would never dream of laying a finger on her, nor she me. You should be reporting him to the police because at the very least, it might go some way to preventing the same thing (or worse.....) happening to some other poor innocent girl.

Don't worry about feeling sad you left. That's normal, we've all been through that, and we all recover from it and everything will be beautiful again. You'll find someone that really does deserve you. I promise.

This is so sad I hope you are ok. Take some time to love and be kind to yourself. Look after yourself. You are worthy of being loved by a decent respectable man who will look after you properly once your ready. Just know your not alone ❤️

Yes, once they've crossed that line I believe that there's no going back in their minds. That was my experience anyway.

It does seem that way, especially if they don't feel any remorse. I think the sense of power and control that they get from terrifying and injuring their victim becomes very compelling.

Do you think once a man hits you once he’ll do it again?

Absolutely, without a doubt.

Well done on leaving @Missmaria95 you should be proud of yourself.

Can I second the suggestion to read Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that?" because it will help you recognise the traits that your now ex had, which you probably didn't notice when you first got together with him. It will also help you to recognise those traits in every future relationship and protect you from such violent men.

One other thing. Tell your friends and family why you've left him. Because he punched you in the face. Don't keep his secret. Don't be ashamed, the shame is his, not your's. You don't need to say why he punched you in the face, just that he did and that's why you've left. If all the people who care about you know what he is, it will give you the support you need not to give in to his pleading and manipulation if he goes in for that.

Yes. What happened was not your fault. His violent temper will only get worse. Leave now.

I’m more hurt that he spat in my face, i hate spitting, so for someone to spit in my face is just the most degrading thing

Agreed. This part of the assault was meant to degrade you. Twice.

Glad to hear you are leaving. You can't argue that the spitting was anything other than contempt. You deserve so much more.

I see the book has already been recommended and there is a free version available of Why does he do that.
Also recommend the freedom program.

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Good luck. I’m glad you have family to help you

Once the line is crossed, the line moves and they find it easier to cross it again.
so he went from not hitting to punching you in the face and spitting, so now he has done that the line has gone beyond that, next time it may be a severe beating, hands round your throat etc. This is how women end up dead from abusive partners.

Forgiving him is irrelevant, don't give him the chance to hurt you again. You have to value yourself enough to know that a man hurts you is not the best you can do and is not what you are worth and not what you deserve in life.

Great job leaving so quickly.

So many red flags.

He's a body builder so definitely capable of hitting you dangerously hard, which is scary.

No less scary that on this occasion he hit you in a controlled manner so that it didn't cause pain, but still a punch. To someone he supposedly cares about. Someone he wants to control

Don't stay in this relationship.

I'm so glad you're getting out of this. He could have ended up killing you.