Do you think once a man hits you once he’ll do it again?

[Missmaria95]

I’m 28 and he’s 37, we’ve been together nearly 3 years. I’ve always knew he had a temper, not necessarily towards me, just no patients. He is an ex body builder, so for the first few months of our relationship he was taking steroids, admittedly he treated me really bad during those times. But last week, he punched me in the face, not hard enough for me to be in pain but all the same he punched me, he then spat in my face twice. This happed because I was moody due to us travelling 2 hours with his friend to end up just driving back home because his friends girlfriend didn’t want to participate, but I ‘ruined’ it by being moody. He apologised and said how much he hates himself. Like I say, this is the first time in the whole relationship he actually hit me. Do you think because I ‘forgave’ him he’ll do it again?

Yes, of course he will. My dad hit my mum occasionally throughout their marriage. Months or years would go by when he didn't but then he'd do it again. And it didn't really matter that he went for long periods without doing it because I lived in constant fear of him doing it anyway.

So leave. Leave leave leave. Leave. I never understood why my mum didn't leave and as a parent I think less of her for staying. Even if he didn't, and he will, why would you stay with a man who hit you once when you could be single, or with a partner who'll never hit you at all?

How completely awful, OP, I hope you are alright and being looked after by those who truly love you right now. Glad you sprang into action pretty sharpish.

Easier said than done, but try not to be by yourself in case he calls or tries to approach you. You need people around to witness everything he says or does in real time and try to keep a paper trail of anything he sends. Some excellent suggestions about reporting this when you feel ready to, and keep posting here.

Good men won’t even raise a hand to you (or anyone for that matter) let alone actually strike you. It’s not a case of will he do it again, he did it once and that’s enough.

Well done on making the decision to leave. Hope you manage to leave whilst he is at work

Too late to edit but I didn't see your updates. I'm so glad you've ditched him and I hope you're safe.

All that best, OP.
Don't let him talk you into staying with him or in the relationship.
He may well lovebomb you to get you back.
Get some counselling and stay strong.

Well done on leaving. Defiant let someone in real life know now in case he comes home. They can be with you and come and help you if you don’t check in. Punching someone in the face is not even close to a shove in the arm or throwing a remote, which any of those are bad. Punching someone in the face is just evil and calculated and intended to cause damage, and to then spit twice in your face means it wasn’t a mistake (never is) and they thought twice about it, they continued the attack twice. Definitely report him to the police when you are safe.

Please report him to the police OP. Even if you don’t prosecute. It may really help a future case as no doubt he’ll end up beating a woman up in the future. Having your assault on record will help to show a pattern of behaviour.

Staying with him is giving him permission to do it again, he got away with it once he’ll do it again. I speak from experience. Leave and don’t look back. Please don’t be another statistic.

Whether he does or not, you’d always think he might.

My ex H hit me around the head and left me with a black eye in November 2015. I left in November 2022. He never went quite so far again but I think he thought he if he just didn’t hit me he could do what he liked. So between 2015-2022, there was plenty of verbal abuse, things being thrown at me, plates and glasses being smashed, bruises on the back of my arm from him pinching me. In 2022 he pushed me and then grabbed my then 7 y.o DS’ arm so hard he left bruises on him. My kids and I are traumatised by what we experienced at his hands. But did he hit me again? Technically no.

I am writing this not just for you @Missmaria95 but for anyone else reading this. I read so many of these threads over the course of my marriage.

I left and I showed my kids that it’s ok to leave when someone treats you badly, love is a behaviour and someone who loves you will never treat you like that.

I’m now in a relationship with someone who really loves me and would grow wings and fly to the moon before he would hurt me or scare me or call me a fat bitch (another exH special).

Leave and don’t look back.

Yes, they absolutely will. And it will only get worse.

Me, my Mum, my Aunties, my Grandmother....plus numerous colleagues, friends could all tell you this first hand from our own experiences.

And we'd all tell you the exact same thing. The first time he hits you, LEAVE and never look back. He's shown you who he is. He doesn't deserve you, or anyone, frankly.

Yes. He’s violent and abusive. You need to leave, I hope you are okay and have people around you who can support you ❤

I suspect you already know the answer. Yes, and as time goes on and he’s sure you won’t leave it’ll get more and more frequent. OP he punched you and spat in your face. This is not something you do to someone you love and there is no provocation on earth that justifies it. There’s also a world of difference between having a quick temper and having anger issues. ‘Forgiving’ him is akin to giving him the green light for him to use you as a punchbag. Don’t forgive him - recognise that what he did was unforgivable and signals the end of your relationship. Then dump him. Fast.

It’s up to police if they charge him or refer him to CPS for a prosecution decision. He is likely to deny it and say the OP is mentally ill - a tale as old as time. His behaviour after OP leaves is likely to lead to prosecution if he doesn’t leave her be, though.

He may deny it but that’s irrelevant. He’s committed a violent crime and should be reported to the police.

Speaking from experience, 100% yes, he will definitely hit you again. Don't give him the chance to. Bin the bastard and report him to the police for assaulting you.

Yes definitely. Not only that but it will escalate beyond one punch. Thankfully not my personal experience but a close family member.

He's dangerous, it will escalate. Aside from the hitting, the spitting shows utter contempt for you. He thinks you are a lesser being, an object for him to vent his rage and frustration on.

Punching soft or hard is assault, spitting is also assault. Making it your fault is also abusive do I need to go on?

He is making your life miserable, you are allowed to be pissed off when things like this happen.

Make plans to leave, sorry OP you are in this situation. Its never easy

@Missmaria95 I had a man break his hand punching me in the head. ( so called boxer’s break)
he wasn’t even my partner- but my friends shitty partner.
I’d tried to ask why he hit her.

Men who hit women are cowardly scrotes, ( women hitting men is also very wrong of course)

Spitting at you is appalling and so disrespectful

Please value your future self enough and leave NOW.

Well done for deciding to leave.
Same treatment of him as he gave you would suffice.

I completely agree and would have called 999 immediately but OP was gaslit into believing it was her fault. If she hadn’t posted on here she might not be leaving today. Even if he isn’t charged due to lack of evidence it will go on his record as an allegation (a true allegation) so he should be reported.

@Endoftheroad12345 I hope that you and your DC are now safe and find peace somehow, what a dreadful time you had through those years.

Agreed- the spitting shows total disrespect and hatred for OP.

I bet he begs forgiveness and brings gifts
But he will attack again, and it will be worse.
It always escalates.

Just seen your update, good luck and here's to you finding the future you deserve.