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Original poster

What would you do?

441 replies

Airyfairy1985 · 15/08/2024 10:55

I'm in a bit of a tricky dating scenario, I met this guy OLD a few weeks ago and in a short space of time we've hung out a lot and both admitted we've formed a really great connection.

We've been in touch a lot, but in the last week his phone has stopped receiving any messages and I've also noticed he's not posted anything on social media (i'm not on social media but he showed me his profile which is public). I've not been checking in a stalkerish way more than he's completely vanished and I was confused and concerned as to what's happened to him.

The only conclusion I can come to is that he's lost/broken his phone and has lost his contacts, he has to have a phone for work and to contact his kids so this is nothing to do with me, I'm also not blocked on whatsapp or anything like that so it seems like this is the likely scenario.

I guess I'm thinking I could just leave it to fate and assume I will never hear from him again, but if he has lost all numbers he won't be able to contact me in any other way, the only thing I could do is email him at this work address but I can't decide if that is total pyschopath behaviour, although due to his work, his email is easily available by a simple Google search.

What would you do?

OP posts:
FlyingFox · 30/08/2024 15:46

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/08/2024 11:56

Why though, she barely knows him?!

Show quote history

Because I'd be curious to know what happened!

Amberjane41 · 03/09/2024 11:44

Wow at least you weren’t ghosted! Haha all those guys ghosting women and he managed to get you a call from a prison!! He must be keen 😁 Thanks for the update, I hope you continue to let us know but I understand why not seeing as loads of people just jumped on you for it and made huge leaps of assumptions. I mean you quite clearly said you were dating and not invested in him. FYI You can be recalled to prison for missing an appointment it’s not just serial killers or rioters being jailed atm 🤣 (not that I’m suggesting you see him on that basis but just wanted to clear that up)

L0309 · 05/09/2024 11:39

Did you ever hear anything? Im sure you have moved on but I clearly haven’t 😂

Duckduckgoose24 · 05/09/2024 12:22

Haha, I was just thinking the same! I'm still curious (nosy)

jojogoesbust · 05/09/2024 12:25

Shamelessly place marking!!

Passionfruitpunch1 · 05/09/2024 20:50

Haven't read the full thread but I was blocked before on Whatsapp and as soon as he did it, his profile pic disappeared and when I clicked into it, it said, profile pic unavailable. My message only went to one grey tick as well

IslaSkywalker · 05/09/2024 22:15

Passionfruitpunch1 · 05/09/2024 20:50

Haven't read the full thread but I was blocked before on Whatsapp and as soon as he did it, his profile pic disappeared and when I clicked into it, it said, profile pic unavailable. My message only went to one grey tick as well

This has moved on massively now. The guy was in prison.

rainbowhairchalk · 06/09/2024 16:14

Shamelessly waiting for an update on this 😅

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 07/09/2024 13:22

How's it going OP? Shamelessly probing for an update with the others!

ImAFemaleVersionOfRoyKeane · 13/09/2024 11:37

@Airyfairy1985

What was the outcome? Did you see him when he came out of prison?

Lostmylastmarble86 · 13/09/2024 13:46

Any update?

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 15/09/2024 22:07

Thanks for the messages, yes he's out of prison now, it was a very minor offence but still I appreciate it doesn't look good at all I and I know what advice I would be giving my friends in this scenario, similar to a lot of the advice I've got here.
Anyway, we've been navigating it all, we spoke a LOT when he was in prison, it was very emotional and hard and I would not go through it again but it did dawn on me that I did care about him to put myself in that situation when I really don't need to. It's been v nice to see him and we'll just see what happens I guess.

OP posts:
L0309 · 15/09/2024 22:12

Airyfairy1985 · 15/09/2024 22:07

Thanks for the messages, yes he's out of prison now, it was a very minor offence but still I appreciate it doesn't look good at all I and I know what advice I would be giving my friends in this scenario, similar to a lot of the advice I've got here.
Anyway, we've been navigating it all, we spoke a LOT when he was in prison, it was very emotional and hard and I would not go through it again but it did dawn on me that I did care about him to put myself in that situation when I really don't need to. It's been v nice to see him and we'll just see what happens I guess.

hope all work out well for you both x

violetto · 15/09/2024 22:35

What was the minor offence?!

Changingeveryday · 15/09/2024 22:53

violetto · 15/09/2024 22:35

What was the minor offence?!

If she says it’s minor and she’s happy to work things out, on the basis that she is content with the explanation/ how minor it was, then let’s just leave them to it! OP I’m glad you got to the heart of what was going on and I hope it all works out

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 18/09/2024 18:28

I am struggling with it all a bit, I'm just not sure what to do, he talks about his ex a lot in the context of his breakup and how messy and toxic it was and to give me context as to why he was in prison but I just feel like I'm constantly listening to it trying to detect if there's any emotion when he's speaking about her. He always assures me there's not etc etc, it just makes me feel so uncomfortable, I have told him this and he completely understands but I just feel so on the fence about it all. I really don't know what to do for the best. On the one hand, I have really fallen for him as a person and definitely have feelings for him, but the logical side of my brain is saying run for the hills.

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 18/09/2024 18:36

What will be his set up once he gets out of prison? Accommodation, job, seeing kids. It's not really about his ex, is he in a position to step back into normal life including dating? Remember how long you've known each other. Don't feel bound by this unusual experience. He would need to prove himself as what you're looking for, not you as support for him.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 18/09/2024 18:55

Catandsquirrel · 18/09/2024 18:36

What will be his set up once he gets out of prison? Accommodation, job, seeing kids. It's not really about his ex, is he in a position to step back into normal life including dating? Remember how long you've known each other. Don't feel bound by this unusual experience. He would need to prove himself as what you're looking for, not you as support for him.

Such good advice thank you. He is back in temporary accommodation with a friend, locally to me so we've seen each other a lot. He is waiting for his legal case to be sorted so he can move back into his old flat where his ex is still living. He will hopefully be able to go back to normal life seeing his kids etc but everything is up in the air at the moment..I just feel so emotionally drained by the whole thing.

OP posts:
samanthablues · 18/09/2024 18:56

Airyfairy1985 · 18/09/2024 18:28

I am struggling with it all a bit, I'm just not sure what to do, he talks about his ex a lot in the context of his breakup and how messy and toxic it was and to give me context as to why he was in prison but I just feel like I'm constantly listening to it trying to detect if there's any emotion when he's speaking about her. He always assures me there's not etc etc, it just makes me feel so uncomfortable, I have told him this and he completely understands but I just feel so on the fence about it all. I really don't know what to do for the best. On the one hand, I have really fallen for him as a person and definitely have feelings for him, but the logical side of my brain is saying run for the hills.

Sounds like some sort of DV issue, him ranting about his “crazy ex” and lots of drama.

“Run to the hills as fast as you can” like that old Iron maiden song. You just met this man, you’re already drained and opening a thread here.

pikkumyy77 · 18/09/2024 19:00

Holy shit wake up and smell the coffee. Dump this loser.

TwistedWonder · 18/09/2024 19:09

Do you really need this drama and confusion in your life OP? There’s an awful lot of red flags with this bloke - in your shoes I’d be chucking him back at least till he’s got his shit sorted out.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 18/09/2024 19:52

TwistedWonder · 18/09/2024 19:09

Do you really need this drama and confusion in your life OP? There’s an awful lot of red flags with this bloke - in your shoes I’d be chucking him back at least till he’s got his shit sorted out.

I really don't, I feel so depressed about the whole situation 😭

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 18/09/2024 19:53

pikkumyy77 · 18/09/2024 19:00

Holy shit wake up and smell the coffee. Dump this loser.

Totally this

HeavyRainSoon · 18/09/2024 20:01

samanthablues · 18/09/2024 18:56

Sounds like some sort of DV issue, him ranting about his “crazy ex” and lots of drama.

“Run to the hills as fast as you can” like that old Iron maiden song. You just met this man, you’re already drained and opening a thread here.

Edited
Show quote history

This. My first thought was it sounds like a DV issue.

Mls1984btc · 18/09/2024 20:53

A man is supposed to enhance your life, not making it miserable and confusing.

Please protect your energy.