What would you do?

[Airyfairy1985]

I'm in a bit of a tricky dating scenario, I met this guy OLD a few weeks ago and in a short space of time we've hung out a lot and both admitted we've formed a really great connection.

We've been in touch a lot, but in the last week his phone has stopped receiving any messages and I've also noticed he's not posted anything on social media (i'm not on social media but he showed me his profile which is public). I've not been checking in a stalkerish way more than he's completely vanished and I was confused and concerned as to what's happened to him.

The only conclusion I can come to is that he's lost/broken his phone and has lost his contacts, he has to have a phone for work and to contact his kids so this is nothing to do with me, I'm also not blocked on whatsapp or anything like that so it seems like this is the likely scenario.

I guess I'm thinking I could just leave it to fate and assume I will never hear from him again, but if he has lost all numbers he won't be able to contact me in any other way, the only thing I could do is email him at this work address but I can't decide if that is total pyschopath behaviour, although due to his work, his email is easily available by a simple Google search.

What would you do?

Oh oooffff. Well OP it’s got to be bad enough a crime to go to prison, there’s literally no space in any prisons at the moment. If it was something petty you’d expect a community order or suspended sentence. You sound like a nice person, I genuinely think you can do better than this man who sounds flaky, unemployed and generally all over the place (and now a criminal!). Cut him loose - you got your curiosity settled by knowing it’s him calling you. You can do better!

Oh c'mon OP, there are so many other blokes out there without a criminal record. Do you really want him in your life? He'll feed you some story about how he was stitched up by probation/police or badly advised by his solicitor or it was a psycho ex or some other cock and bull story. You'll have no idea if what he's telling you is true. Why saddle yourself with him?

Wow... what an enormous leap 😅😅😅😅

Honestly it's fine, I'm actually going on a date tonight, I'm not investing anything in this, it's purely just a human emotion, he's not ok and I want to speak to him to make sure he is. Might be a fault of mine, but fuck, we all make mistakes, I'm prepared to hear him out, that's it, my life still evolves 🙏

I'm not sure him being incarcerated (what for? You mentioned him being recalled before so does he have a criminal record?!) is preferable to being ghosted to be honest.

There's surely better options out there??

I thought as much, and I’m glad that the mystery is cleared up now. Listen to what he has to say, and come back if you want more input on what to do next x

I echo the others... why on earth you want to get/ keep involved with someone in prison, and you barely know. 🙄 there was never a good outcome to this story, but it just keeps becoming worse.

Well apparently OP is fine with a dishonest (at the very least) partner, all because of a few weeks of 'connection'.

This is exactly how people end up in abusive relationships. It's happeing again OP. Once again, I urge you to look at your boundaries, values, and standards.

There is no 'two sides' to going to prison. People don't just end up there due to a minor error. Gary Barlow and other tax evaders did not end up in prison. He's bad news, no need to 'hear him out'.

But 'the connection' means more than boundaries, values and standards, doesn't it OP? It's what abusers rely on to get you hooked. He has achieved his aim well - he's fund his new perfect victim.

I think OP is enjoying the drama and attention of this thread.

I think you are absolutely batshit to even consider speaking to him again. I’ll watch out for you next post in a few months in relationships…

he's not ok and I want to speak to him to make sure he is

Oh you're going to 'save' him.

OP do not let him guilt you into staying in some sort of a relationship with him.

All those that said we were mad for thinking this hey OP?

Presumable he knows your name so could find you if he wanted to. I’d be very wary of lovebombing, forming “deep” connections in a short period of time etc

Be on your guard!

Mad for wanting to keep in touch with him more like.

I don’t think she is mad. Normal human curiosity to find out what’s happened. She’s not said she’s still interested in pursuing a relationship and has gone on a date with someone new.

She just wants to understand what’s happened. That’s what I’m reading from her posts

Well I don't understand why she would want to keep in touch with him knowing that he's in prison! She barely knew him before, what's the point in getting to know him now.

My ex blocked me on whatsapp and I can still see his picture but if I send any text only appears one tick instead of 2.

I agree that the MN advice of ' He's just not that into you' can feel too over used and have a spiteful edge when reality is there are different situations that can occur.
However OP prison does definitely not sound good- I realise we should be empathetic towards others but as others have said to actually be in prison it could very well be assault or rape or something else nasty which he may not reveal to you. I'm afraid it would be a deal breaker for me.

The thread has moved on, you might want to at least read OPs updates

You know he's safe and there's no mystery. Mentally draw a line. You don't know him well enough to trust his version of events. Move on and don't let this affect you meeting someone new.

Fuck sake you don't go to prison for a minor offence and if he's been recalled he's obviously broken his release conditions. Sounds like a right gem of a man.

Seriously have a word with yourself, would you want your daughter messed up with someone like that.

No! Don't get mixed up with him when he comes out of the nick!

Ooooh interesting just caught up to hear the prison thing, hmm well yes I'd hear him out, it could be from a protest like you said, but he was a peaceful protestor maybe something turned messy?! I think they were just shoving people in prison to prove a point. Unlikely to be anything too serious if he's only in for a month or so. Be interested to hear the story anyway when you get it!

Why though, she barely knows him?!

@Idontjetwashthefucker I think some posters are living vicariously through the life of others, offering advice that they will never in a million years to their closest family and friends.