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Original poster

Dd and Dp clashing and making ds upset

150 replies

SaveTheWeek · 13/08/2024 23:30

Tonight our dd, who is 13 was messing around acting silly. It was time for bed but she wouldn't calm down and as she shares a room with ds, who is 8, we asked if she could be quiet and not wake him. She decided she would stomp up the stairs and be very loud. Giggling and singing. Both me and dp asked her to please be quiet. She didn't listen.
I heard ds get up not long after and he came to tell me dd was listening to music on her phone and he couldn't sleep. Dp went to tell dd to turn the phone off and she kicked him. I'm not sure if it was on purpose or not. Dp then says she's not allowed her phone. Everything calmed down and ds went back to bed.
I asked dp to apologize to dd but when he did dd wasn't happy and told him to F off. This woke up ds again. I sat comforting ds as they both argued at each other.
I asked them both to leave it but they were both ignoring me. Ds was getting upset.

Eventually, they both stopped arguing but I'm left feeling annoyed. I'm annoyed ds was disturbed so much. I'm annoyed at dd for her behavior and I'm annoyed at dp for basically acting like a second teenager.

Me and ds are just stuck in the middle all the time and I don't know what to do to make things better for us all.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 13/08/2024 23:35

What did DP have to apologise for?

Original poster
SaveTheWeek · 13/08/2024 23:39

Well I suppose not so much apologize, more to make sure they didn't go to bed on a bad note.

I must admit I do ask dp to apologize sometimes when he hasn't actually done anything wrong, but I hope it will calm the situation all round.

OP posts:
icedteaandburgers · 13/08/2024 23:42

Your poor dp. Wanting him to apologise instead of both of you working together to sort out your DD's bratty behaviour

crumblingschools · 13/08/2024 23:44

Did DD have to apologise for kicking DP?

Original poster
SaveTheWeek · 13/08/2024 23:48

crumblingschools · 13/08/2024 23:44

Did DD have to apologise for kicking DP?

Of course. She said it was an accident but she still apologized.

OP posts:
MasterOfOne · 13/08/2024 23:49

icedteaandburgers · 13/08/2024 23:42

Your poor dp. Wanting him to apologise instead of both of you working together to sort out your DD's bratty behaviour

This.

What are you teaching your dd by making your dp apologise when it wasn't his fault.

You and your dd owe your dp a big apology. And you need to work with your dp to manage your dd behaviour.

shellyleppard · 13/08/2024 23:49

Why are they sharing a room??? Aren't they supposed to have separate bedrooms at a certain age??

Smartiepants79 · 13/08/2024 23:52

What in hell was DP apologising for?
And there would be no phones in the bedroom after bedtime if this was my house.
Your Dd was a little sod and you’ve enabled her. I can’t work out from what you’ve written what DP did wrong.
Is there anyway of getting the children their own spaces? Sharing with opposite genders at their age is not ideal.

Original poster
SaveTheWeek · 13/08/2024 23:54

shellyleppard · 13/08/2024 23:49

Why are they sharing a room??? Aren't they supposed to have separate bedrooms at a certain age??

Silly me! I'll just magic up another bedroom.

OP posts:
DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 13/08/2024 23:56

You've given Dd to much power.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/08/2024 23:56

Is dp not her father ?
why are you making a fool out of him by making him do the apologising.
why are you allowing this behaviour from her ? you knew she was going to disturb ds and she did !
clearly she will no longer be allowed her phone upstairs at bedtime...

Original poster
SaveTheWeek · 13/08/2024 23:57

Ds was getting worked up and I thought the quickest way to settle things was if everyone apologized and we could discuss things in the morning.
Dp wasn't completely innocent. He didn't start the argument but he argued with dd more than necessary. Like I said he was acting like a teenager also.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2024 23:58

She’s rude, selfish, potentially violent, deliberately woke her brother at least once, she told her dad to fuck off and you’re blaming him?

And you often tell him to apologise to appease her?

DS is watching all of this you know, he’s watching the bully be pandered to. I wonder how he’ll behave at 13. Incredible.

Secondstart1001 · 13/08/2024 23:59

Is your Dp your DD’s father?

Original poster
SaveTheWeek · 13/08/2024 23:59

Secondstart1001 · 13/08/2024 23:59

Is your Dp your DD’s father?

Yes

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 14/08/2024 00:00

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2024 23:58

She’s rude, selfish, potentially violent, deliberately woke her brother at least once, she told her dad to fuck off and you’re blaming him?

And you often tell him to apologise to appease her?

DS is watching all of this you know, he’s watching the bully be pandered to. I wonder how he’ll behave at 13. Incredible.

This. So basically bratty dd gets to assault someone, wake up her d bro and mummy runs in and makes people apologise to her?!!

shellyleppard · 14/08/2024 00:01

@SaveTheWeek maybe if they weren't sharing a room you might not have so many problems?? Know space is tight sometimes but I wouldn't let my daughter have her phone if she can't respect your rules

DoreenonTill8 · 14/08/2024 00:01

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2024 23:58

She’s rude, selfish, potentially violent, deliberately woke her brother at least once, she told her dad to fuck off and you’re blaming him?

And you often tell him to apologise to appease her?

DS is watching all of this you know, he’s watching the bully be pandered to. I wonder how he’ll behave at 13. Incredible.

He's probably learning it's his sister's world and what she says goes.

Merryoldgoat · 14/08/2024 00:02

You sound like you and your partner need some parenting classes as what you describe is not healthy.

Unnecessary and inconsistent apologies won’t help anyone.

Your daughter doesn’t have any boundaries.

Your son is being affected by the poor atmosphere.

It’s a mess.

Original poster
SaveTheWeek · 14/08/2024 00:04

I'm in no way condoning dd behavior. Ds was awake when I told dd what she did was completely unacceptable.
As an adult I would expect dp to not drag the argument on and on especially when he could see ds was getting upset about all the shouting.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 14/08/2024 00:04

What you’ve written here doesn’t make her sound good.
It does sound like she’s running the show a bit? You need better and clearer boundaries about behaviour on their shared spaces. And definitely no phones in bedrooms at night.
Is DP her dad? Is it possible that he’s firmer than you? That you appease her more?

Secondstart1001 · 14/08/2024 00:05

I’ve been where you are with my older DD. I had hell when she was 14 to 17 and even now she’s a handful but more manageable.
The violent behavior will only escalate. You and you DP need to act as a team which means putting up a united front and she should have 100% have her phone taken away. You can then disagree with each other in private when kids are in bed. Kids need to know the consequences to their actions. I think you are in a difficult situation as you are trying to diffuse the situation and not allow it to escalate. I know as a mum you don’t want dd upset but she is disrupting the whole household. Next time let her go to bed upset and reflect on her actions.

Mossstitch · 14/08/2024 00:06

A 13 year old girl needs her own room, in circumstances like this where there are not enough bedrooms my children had the bedrooms and parents slept in lounge. Could you not trial that, I'm sure there would be less clashes if she had her own space.

otravezempezamos · 14/08/2024 00:09

Your daughter sounds spoilt and out of control. Sort out discipline rather than blaming your partner. He will soon get tired of being the scapegoat.

saraclara · 14/08/2024 00:09

Another one wondering why your partner was made to apologise. Your DD couldn't have been more of a brat if she'd tried. She was rude to you both, she disobeyed you, she swore, she kept her brother awake deliberately and she KICKED your partner. And if you believe that was an accident, you're extremely gullible.

Your DP disciplined her by taking away her phone, and you force him to apologise? Just to pacify her? You have set yourself (and DP) up for a world if trouble. She's going to be the teenager from hell who thinks she rules the roost. You're ineffectual, and you've ensured that she won't take a blind bit of notice of her dad either. And your son's watching this and learning that he'll be able to get away with this shit soon too.

Jeeze.