H behaving very odd. thoughts and what this could be?

[spiegelis]

I am just trying to understand what is going on and I am preparing my exit but any thoughts on that (other than that he is a nasty nasty man).

He isn't British but comes from a different country. For the last few years, he spends every Summer there with his parents (they live there) under the pretext that they are old and need help (late 70s but but fit and well). He is a teacher so has all Summer off. We have DC and I work in an office role and do not get much leave so stay in the UK with the kids and usually just go a week somewhere in thr UK). Last Summer, and this, he not only went back to his home county for the entire school hols but he blocked me on his phone as soon as he arrived there under some shady excuse (he didn't leave me any money over the Summer as he claims he has none (lie, he earns well). An unexpected bill came in so I asked him to transfer some money as he is the main earner - I only manage a part time role due to caring for a family member). He said again he has no left over money and blocked me as he deemed my message 'abusive'. He also spends regularly Christmas there and we are not allowed to contact him either. We are never allowed to come along. His family has no interest in seeing the grandchildren (they never visit us either). I know it's all not normal and I am plotting my exit but I am trying to make sense of it all and what could be possibly be going on. Any thoughts? I am genuinely intrigued about the long stretches of time there and the no contact and the fact that I have no idea where his money is going.

Reading the OP straight away I thought double life.

I would certainly do some digging.

Are his parents definitely still alive? When was the last time you actually spoke to them?

I don't think he can have another family as he'd only be with them 8 weeks a year . He's definitely up to something , though .

This!

yes, one of the DC is in contact

Second family is my guess

I will also assume second family. Or at least another child

You already know this isn’t normal but you also don’t need to let him drive the narrative, you should make the next moves, whatever you decide they should be.

I thought the grandparents had no interest in them? Do they chat, talk about their days, have a positive relationship?

Do they contact your DC regularly, or only when their dad is in UK with them? Do your DC not question grandparents on when they can visit, where their dad is?!

Could you try a google photo and this might show up if he is on other social media if he has a second family

well, I asked her to call the police and through them inquire of him in his country, she said: what do you mean.

Is there a way of checking marriage records in his home country? If so I would do that because it may affect the legality of your own marriage and therefore affect your divorce.

Does he have much stuff in the house? A car?

I'd be tempted to sell his stuff and put the money towards your summer expenses.
Then gather all the financial information you can. Block any joint accounts.
Send him a message ending the relationship and block him. Change the locks. Once you are separated, you may be able to file for tax credits/benefits on the basis of your salary alone since you are no longer a couple. At least your council tax bill will go down.
Then consult a lawyer and get the divorce underway.

The other thing is he just goes to prostitutes every night or something of the sort

Why don’t you contact his parents and explain about the money and the children as ‘you can’t get hold of him’ etc

Wait - what second family???? You said he was a teacher - don't teachers undergo the most rigorous checks, including security checks? I am sure if he is not from here, they would undergo even stricter checks - you have to fill in all sorts of information, about family, even parents, etc. He may have a mistress, I agree, but family? He would not have dared to marry you with the security check saying he has been married elsewhere - it is bound to come up in another security check, I think they are every 4 years or so? He would not risk his meal ticket, i.e. teaching, with bigamy. Regardless, he is a shit - how does he explain to your dc that dc has never been to his home country? This is the weirdest set-up.

Don't talk about the OP as if she isn't here - no matter whether you think her thread is fake or not.

This was my first thought.

as I said, they all blocked me too. I have nobody to contact!!!

She is there and she is a she. It is a conversation not an insult.

I realise that this is completely immature and unhelpful but I'd be tempted to play silly buggers with him just because I find the blocking so bizarre.
I'd hand out his number to all sorts of spammers and cold callers and use it to get quotes for insurance and new windows and that sort of thing.

Yes, 11 years of provable and chekable life and work history of what you did before applying for any teaching position.

So he might just met someone in one of his family visits who kind of turned his head too much

All of this

I'd be working to divorce him while he's gone

I would assume he had a second family. Similar happened to a cousin of mine.

Can you phone him from a withheld number? To be honest by this point I would find a way to turn up there and find out whats going on for myself.