Do you feel embarrassed of your overweight DP

[Littlemyyyyy]

My husband was getting ready for work this morning when he came out of the shower he commented on how he had gained some weight, I literally dgaf what he looks like as I love(d) the man to pieces, i casually said "you do eat a lot of junk food, what do you expect is going to happen? I think you're gorgeous regardless" he the. Got really annoyed and replied "well you haven't lost any weight since having the baby in October in fact you've probably put on a stone, I don't even like being seen with you these days" then left for work. To say I'm gobsmacked is in understatement. I have just been sitting in silence for the last half hour half crying with anger half crying with shock. He has never mentioned my weight and is constantly telling me I'm beautiful, I never in 100 years would have expected him to say that, to say he doesn't even like being seen with me because I've gained some weight after having baby is heartbreaking. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism back in April and I'm finding it very hard to shift the weight. I'm by no means morbidly obese, I'm 5'8 and 13 stone, he on the other hand is 6'2 and almost 20 stone. I don't even know why I'm posting this on just so upset and shocked and didn't have any one to talk to.

I think he was very unkind. I would guess that he felt vulnerable and he lashed out unfairly on you after your comment. His was a lot worse though. Could you have a chat with him about it when he comes home later?

What he said was shitty but your comment about the junk food sounds pretty blunt and likely to irritate. Neither of you was particularly kind.

He was literally asking me if i thought he had gained weight, the mans eats nothing but crisps and sweets all day and complains about the healthy dinners I make, saying he doesn't feel full then gorges himself on ice cream. His eating habits are terrible and I have for months if not years been kindly and gently mentioning it to him, for his own health sake.
I am absolutely going to have a conversation about it, he knows how hard I have been trying to lose the weight I gained to no avail.

I think he was unkind, but if it went how you write it you were too. If I said the my DH that I'd put on some weight and he told me "well you do eat a lot of junk food, what do you expect?" the fact that he followed it up with "oh I mean I still think you're gorgeous" wouldn't make me feel much better!

But I do think what he said was worse, but probably lashing out because you hurt him... so neither of you are covered with glory here!

I have been for a very long time in the nicest way possible telling him him eating habits are awful. He eats crisps and sweets and cakes and god know what else all day them says my healthy food doesn't fill him.

The junk food comment was what he heard (and hurt his feelings), not the bit afterwards.

Honestly, speaking as a fat person myself, I know that eating crisps, chocolate and ice-cream is what makes me fat. I don't need someone to keep pointing it out to me, and I really don't need the person I love pointing it out. Your comment wasn't inaccurate and I am sure you said it gently and tactfully, but maybe stop pointing it out to him.

If he's been putting up with you mentioning his weight for years, I'm not surprised he lashed out this morning, probably the straw that broke the camel's back.

Ouch and ouch.

You sounded ready for your moment to point out his eating habits and he went for the jugular 😢.

Is he normally quite sensitive to criticism or just in this area? If he's not usually a shitbag and is suitably remorseful later, you can both figure out how to get past this.

If someone had been questioning my weight for years I'd snap too.

My parents have always, always commented on my weight while being overweight themselves and eating like utter shit.

It's not fair of you to badger him for ages on end and if you're going to comment on it, you should expect comments back. What he said wasn't nice but it sounds like you've not been that nice to him either.

6 of 1 half a dozen of the other.
You hurt his feelings so he wanted to hurt yours. Probably the way you said it rather than what you said

Both of you sound overweight and not happy with it. Can you do something together like join the gym, go for walks etc. oh and stop buying junk food . Most gyms have crèches for kids.

Usually, when people lash out or become defensive, it's because you've said something that deep down, they know is true. He knows his crappy eating is not helping. You telling him that, even if you do it 'helpfully' is not really helpful. The best way to deal with it is to talk to him about what he thinks the problem is and why he does it.

But also to add, I highly doubt he's embarrassed to be seen with you...I think he just wanted to say something that would upset you equally

I agree with this. I'd also be pointing out that part of your problem is the hypothyroidism, whereas he's obviously just a greedy bastard 😁

I would never be seen out with him again.

@Littlemyyyyy you weren't unkind with what you said. What you said was simply stating fact, and logical. His comment, on the other hand, was cruel. He was annoyed that you had pointed out the fact to him (that he eats junk food). He was annoyed because he feels ashamed that his weight gain is a direct result of his poor food choices. Because he felt ashamed, he wanted to distance himself from that feeling, so he lashed out at you instead.
Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would silently start on a very strict fitness and nutrition plan myself, end up looking like an athlete, and then stick two fingers up to him, the arse-head!

I’m angry on your behalf. I suggest messaging him, ‘if you don’t want to be seen with me, there’s an easy fix.’ Then send him a link to a divorce lawyer.

I just can’t be dealing with the moaning about weight thing, when it’s clear that eating crap is the culprit. What do people think the result would be?

Awful to criticize your partners body when she's used this body to grow your child

He’s an arse. He ASKED you if you thought he’d gained weight - no one should ask these questions if they don’t really want the answer. Maybe he is aware that his eating habits are the problem and was fishing for a compliment - if someone is aware of the issue but can’t/wont do anything about it, they lose the right to complain imo. What you said was factual, what he said was malicious.

Marriages can't survive contempt. Your husband has contempt for you.

I agree with this. He said he doesn’t like being seen with the OP these days. If my DH said something so cruel when I’d been diagnosed with a condition that made it difficult to lose weight he’d be coming home to his bags packed. If he eats shit and he’s fat that’s his problem. He commented on his own weight and the OP said he’d gained weight because he eats shite, she’s not wrong.

I agree with this.

You grew a baby, what's his excuse. He sounds horrible.

He ASKED you if you thought he’d gained weight - no one should ask these questions if they don’t really want the answer

No he didn't. He commented that he had. The OP swept in with her opinion which he didn't ask for.

OP, I think you owe him an apology. You say he has never mentioned your weight before and constantly tells you you're beautiful and after one comment, you're crying for a half hour.
Now think of how many comments he has put up with from you over the years ... and it doesn't matter if you say it "kindly" or "gently", all he hears is "she thinks I'm a fat bastard".

Fat people know they're fat; they don't need to be told.

If he doesn’t like being seen with you, spend your time going out with friends and family having the time of your life whilst he sits at home. Tell him you’re saving him from any embarrassment being seen with a 13 stone (shock horror) woman.