Do you feel embarrassed of your overweight DP

[Littlemyyyyy]

My husband was getting ready for work this morning when he came out of the shower he commented on how he had gained some weight, I literally dgaf what he looks like as I love(d) the man to pieces, i casually said "you do eat a lot of junk food, what do you expect is going to happen? I think you're gorgeous regardless" he the. Got really annoyed and replied "well you haven't lost any weight since having the baby in October in fact you've probably put on a stone, I don't even like being seen with you these days" then left for work. To say I'm gobsmacked is in understatement. I have just been sitting in silence for the last half hour half crying with anger half crying with shock. He has never mentioned my weight and is constantly telling me I'm beautiful, I never in 100 years would have expected him to say that, to say he doesn't even like being seen with me because I've gained some weight after having baby is heartbreaking. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism back in April and I'm finding it very hard to shift the weight. I'm by no means morbidly obese, I'm 5'8 and 13 stone, he on the other hand is 6'2 and almost 20 stone. I don't even know why I'm posting this on just so upset and shocked and didn't have any one to talk to.

He has a problem that is bigger than just eating too much. If he is hiding it and eating in those quantities, it sounds like he has an eating disorder. He needs help and support, possibly from professionals.

He still shouldn't have spoken to you the way he did, and he should apologize for that, but I don't think you are coming off well here either.

Ok so you put weight having his child less than a year ago. He put it on from gorging on ice cream and crisps. So you have an explanation and he doesnt. Plus he’s 20 stone and your 13 stone so you might be overweight but he’s obese

3 Magnums or 3 multi packs of Magnums?

But he does know he eats junk food even if he thinks you dont and pointing it out isn't helpful.

I am not sure what the right thing to say is but commenting on his eating habits when he is acknowledging his weigh gain is not helpful. Doesn't excuse his comments though.

Agree with this, he directed his frustration with himself at you in a really really nasty way. I would not be accepting this at all and Im usually a very easy going. How dare he say he is embarrassed to be seen out with you. I’d literally dress up to the nines and go out with my friends, tell him sorry you can’t come coz you’re embarrassed and let him sit at home stewing. Some things need action and I’d go full on with this. Full apology needed.

I agree.

It sounds like he is binge eating and lashed out at you - his feelings came out in anger. If you generally get on maybe when both calm you can talk about how you can both get fit?

Oh I'm with you OP. That's an awful thing to say to someone who had a baby less than a year ago! That's the bit that is out of order in my eyes. You're so vulnerable after having a baby and your body changes so much, for many women it's naturally bigger. To use that to lash out at you was out of order in my opinion. Also if you're bigger, it's because you expended so much time, energy and pain to birth his child! The cheek!

I had a baby 14 months ago and I'm your height but 14 stone if that makes you feel better! Both me and my husband have put on weight and when the other complains about their own size, we just mutually acknowledge that we're both bigger and should probably lose weight! Still haven't quite found the energy to do it with a 1 year old though!

I agree with the first paragraph of this so won’t repeat it!

Your comment riled him, because he'll know it's true, and he's lashed out hastily because he's cross. It was unnecessary of you to say what you did but his response was nasty.

Do you do all the cooking?

Why?

The man is being a big old butt-hurt baby AND a raging ignoramus!

While he's sitting around eating shit and moaning about your healthy cooked meals, you have had a baby AND have a thyroid condition that makes it harder to lose weight.

You have literal barriers to weight loss and are still trying to be mindful of your health, he has none and is just being a greedy git and yet he hits out at you like that?!

He's been an utter twunt. Make sure he knows it and that he's got some facing up and making up to do.

When he had said he had gained weight you should have said that life can be stressful and his diet isn't the best so why don't we make a plan to eat healthy together and try and set a good example for our family.

Your remark was horrible and so was his. I would apologise to him when he gets home from work to try and clear the air. If he then admits he overacted and was harsh to you I'd let it go.

With every post, you judge him more.
If he is hiding his overeating and junk food eating, he is already ashamed of it and judging himself for it. He needs your help, not criticism. At this point, I can pretty much guarantee that you sneered at him, or at least that he felt you were, when you said this "you do eat a lot of junk food, what do you expect is going to happen?". It does read as pretty accusatory. His comment to you is about how he thinks you perceive him, that YOU don't want to be seen in public with him.

Take a big step back, put your big girl pants on, and have an adult conversation. Explain how it felt to you, without blame or criticism. Ask him open questions about what is going on and work out a path forward, either supporting each other or going your separate ways.

@Littlemyyyyy
This man is addicted to eating junk food and he enjoys it too much to want to stop, the degree to which he punished you for pointing this out tells you how much it means to him to carry on eating junk food.
Your best bet is to take out a life insurance policy on him and encourage him to eat all he can.

It sounds like you have contempt for each other, really. His comment was wrong, most definitely. But you sound like you don't really like him all that much anymore, either. 🤷‍♀️

It the OPs partner said it to her.. he made a point of talking to her about his weight. It's not as if she brought it up to him randomly!

OP - he's deflecting because he knows he's making himself fat with the shit he's eating, and he's probably lashing out as you have a medical reason for yours, he doesn't, he's just greedy.
Next time he's horrible to you I'd point that out. Probably not the best thing to do but that's just me. If he's going to make you cry and be horrible then dish it back.

Can't say he sounds like he has a lot going for him. What a horrible pig.
Look after yourself OP, you've not long had a baby. Leave him to his eating habits and concentrate on your own. ❤️

To all the posters on here validating how he spoke to OP, or defending him, there is absolutely no comparison to body shaming someone who has just had a baby, to commenting on someone eating shit making them fat, which is a fact.

The fact is, that he's fat for eating shit and being greedy.

The OP has recently had a baby and has been diagnosed with hypothyroidism.
Slight difference there, one's greed and one's growing a human with a medical condition.

Those defending him are really projecting here for their own greed. What he said you cannot defend.

Why would she care, the bloke said hes embarrassed to be out in public with her after she's carried and birthed a human! But awww noooo poor bloke xxx

Nah fuck that, he can go swing. He can get back to his crisps and ice cream.

Look, what he said is horrible. But she was horrible to him first. Can you imagine the thread responses where a woman said to her husband "I think I've put on weight" and he responded "well you eat loads of junk food, what did you expect to happen?"... I really doubt people would be saying "oh well he was just being factual so, you know..."

The husband escalated way too far, and was a dickhead, but OP (in my view) was a dickhead first - just less so. The wider point being, if neither party in the marriage give a shit about the feelings of the other, whether justified or not, what's the point in being married?

@EnterFunnyNameHere

How was she horrible first? She pointed out a fact, that he eats rubbish. That's not being horrible, it's just stating the obvious. If he didn't want OP to pass comment, he shouldn't have asked her.

Yes, I can feel embarrassed. My H is about 3 stone over weight and I wish he was slim and toned. It makes me feel like he is unmotivated and less attractive. I don't really
like having photos taken together. I love him but I'm not attracted anymore. I'd never say anything though as he'd be upset. If he got obese I would probably leave.

Are you seriously saying if you said to a loved one that you felt you'd put on weight and they said "well all you eat is junk, what do you expect" you wouldn't find it at all hurtful??

There's a difference between being honest and being blunt. So replying "well I still think you're gorgeous but if you want to lose a bit of weight I'd be really up for trying to tidy up our diets" makes the same point but is much gentler for example.

How many women ask their friends and family if their outfit suits them/do they look OK - and how many would be totally fine with "well it makes your arse look enormous" rather than "I think some of your other dresses make more of your fabulous figure". Or "you've put on lots of weight recently so that doesnt fit you now" vs "you've got such amazing legs/butt/boobs i think theres better outfits to sgow them off more".

I mean, they're just pointing out the facts right, so no-one could possibly be hurt by it? And if they didn't want to know, they wouldn't ask?

Back in real life, in all the healthy relationships I know of (including friendships), people find kind ways of expressing their opinion to their loved ones because, well, they love them!

Equally, soldiering on with a crap diet, little to no exercise and an ever expanded waistline and expecting your other half to be totally cool about it is absolute nonsense as well.

If you're already keeping to a sensible diet and don't keep junk food in the house then you're trying to help Op. If he insists on loading up with junk outside the house then that's his choice and there's not much you can do about that.
He wanted you to say no, he wasn't getting fat but that would just validate his bad eating habits, why would you lie? If he drank too much or smoked too much everyone would say you should tell him