Husband looking at my sisters "naughty website"

[Mumoftwo95]

I made a thread yesterday with screen shots of his notifications from what looked like a saucy hook up site, I had it out with him and he said they must be spam notifications from live streaming the boxing illegally. I looked it up and it said he could have accidentally clicked "allow pop ups" on his browser so I tried to find the settings for him and stumbled apon his search history which had shown he had been accessing has been accessing my sisters "naughty website" multiple times over the last few months. He said he hasn't subscribed as if that makes it any better. I feel so sick, betrayed and just completely ruined.

How would you go about moving out? I have bugger all in savings and have a 2 + 3 year old to look after, my whole life has fallen to pieces in the matter of minutes.

Ah now come on you utter plonker.

I am so sorry this happened to you. What a vile person your husband. Such a huge breach of trust. You will be well rid. Do not turn back.

If you think Amish isn't a cult and is 'traditional Christian,' I think you do need to watch more interviews with ex members to see the details of what the Amish lifestyle entails and the things that they go through. Some groups of Amish are more extreme than others but it's still not good all round in all sorts of ways.

Well since you have no idea what a cult is and ignorantly think all religions are on some wacky imaginary cult spectrum, then you very much do need an education on it!

All religions have aspects of cults to them.

Christianity included.

Christianity was absolutely a medieval cult. And before that it was a Ronan cult.

Mainstream Christianity is now not so cultish, but has sects that are.

I think it's you who needs an education on religions and cults.

You think a non religious person who views religions as cults is "ignorant", which is ironic since we see you as delusional.

I also have an inkling of why you think a woman separating over behaviour like this is disproportionate and "destructive".

I'll say it again, it's an appropriate, understandable response to his behaviour.

Any destruction here was done by her partner, not her.

His behaviour towards her mentally ill sister is the opposite of what someone's life partners should be.
It would be extremely inappropriate even if she wasn't mentally ill.

He didn't have to look. I'm a devout Christian, but he deliberately sought out that page. It's not like OP's sister flashed her pum-pum at him in the front room while OP was putting the kettle on.

@HazelPlayer I'm not sure what was by who in your post, but cults employ for instance control of information, isolation, etc.

I agree with your points about OP's situation though.

Yeah I think you quoted me when you were actually responding to that "op should suck it up, think of the kids!" minimising poster.

All religions have aspects of cults to them.
Of the two major religions, mainstream Christianity has become less cult like .... But was absolutely a cult through it's history. Obviously some Christian sects are still cults.

Mainstream Islam has also become less cult like but Islamic fundamentalism for example is the embodiment of a cult.

It is only the liberal interpretation and application of religions that dilutes their cultishness

They still retain some cult features though.

Well, if your sister didn't tempt him into sin you wouldn't be so upset. Men are men. If you don't want this kind of dilemma educate your sister instead of using up your energy of anger at your husband. Convert that energy to educate your sister

Lol

Bat shit.

Where the fuck are these people coming from.

It's like a worm hole to lunatic asylums has been opened into Mumsnet.

Edit Oh I've just noticed the username - says a lot.

Its like a collision of cool and trad wives in here

Yep, they absolutely could.

Academics have done so.

And you're just highlighting how ignorant you are.

You're also derailing this thread.

When did we get American bible bashers on here? Or are they Islamic fundamentalists?

The two kind of meet on middle ground in a weird way. A "blame women for everything and don't make men take any responsibility for their behaviour" type way.

The male sex drive maybe high and they may have urges but… we all have urges. Not just sexual urges, sometimes we may even get the odd violent urge (when someone pushes in the queue). The fact we are not ruled by instinct and urges is one of the things that separates us from animals. Sorry but I don’t buy that men are so testosterone fuelled they cannot resist the urge to look at their mentally unwell sister in laws nudes… multiple times. Hormones are powerful, I know I had horrific mood swings around my period for years but just because I’m in a hormone fuelled emotional state doesn’t mean I act on it, there would be consequences. I get crazy when I’m ovulating, but I don’t just get pregnant because my hormones are telling me to. Glad to see OP is making her scummy husband face some consequences.

I'm not sure why you are moving out OP. How would you explain it to you children in years to come ? Are there any other underlying issues in the relationship?

Right. You were not derailing at all by calling the Amish a cult, when they aren’t and then going off piste to claim all religions are cults on a some sort of imaginary cultishness spectrum. Ok got it. 🤣

Keep on digging that hole! Yes Christianity started out as a cult, but the issue was you think the Amish are a presently a cult. They are affirmatively not a cult.

Then you stated that all religions are cults.

You have likely just googled all that so you could sound a little less ignorant and are now back-pedalling by revising from “all religions are cults” to “Christianity was a cult”

I see through you. It’s really amusing honestly, this must be the first time you’ve looked up what a cult is.

I don’t know, when did you arrive? The viewpoint that divorcing your husband is the only appropriate outcome for him viewing your SIL’s bare breasts is pretty Bible bashing you’ve committed adultery with your eyes type of reaction.

They're not married.

Try to get basic, pertinent facts correct.

This is someone's life.

(And two more derailing, nonsensical rants about cults and religions .... Further demonstrating your ignorance. Just stop already).

"Your father chose to repeatedly look up topless and explicit photos of your mentally aunt behind my back.

He was supposed to be my partner and support in life, and he knew she was bipolar & had been arrested for public nudity while suffering from a bipolar manic phase, but instead of being kind, supportive and appropriate ... He looked up the nude images she put online during another manic phase and viewed them. And kept doing it.

I only found out by accident when he got hook up site messages, which I couldn't establish were just spam or not".

There, job done.

The underlying issue is that he does not act appropriately. He does not have appropriate boundaries. He lacks empathy.

Incidentally kids don't generally ever ask their parents why they broke up, if they broke up when they were very young.

They just take whatever situation they're in presently (single parent, step parent, blended family etc) as it is. Anything else is ancient history and irrelevant to them. They don't remember their parents together. They don't really care, kids are very much in the here and now.

@SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice

This thread went off on a tangent didn't it! lol. I thought you might be interested to know that people who leave the Amish do consider it a cult - owing to the huge amount of incestual rape that goes on. If/when your brothers, dad or uncle rape you, as a "Christian" you have to forgive them and move on. If you fail to forgive them, you go to hell - not the rapists!

I've been watching a youtube channel called "cult to consciousness" and they covered Amish - totally shocked me as I thought they were some quaint little group!

The title of the thread says Husband. ....

So far you are only getting messages that will screw you. All of revenge and empowerment. Can you not be strong and make him face the truth, first so that you know if you exhausted the promise given to eachother and to divinity that you'll work on overcoming obstacles like this? Can together uncover the lie so that the truth comes out to eliberate you from living in more fear and lies and shade over your family. Give him a choice, ultimatum to get out of this mistake and offer forgiveness. People live now like 80+ years.. maybe he's still your soulmate but he's done this tempting mistakes and the temptation was indeed your sister. You should be speaking with both. One to block his username, you to forgive and mediate and hols unto the power of your family by allowing him back into your soul as he's becoming faithful again and as long he's giving you honesty about the situation. Let him correct first. You'll see how much power that holds on him. He does what some men do. Thinking or being curious of how their wife sister looks like. It's quite helping perform in bed but shouldn't be done. Find out if he's used blue pills because there might be underlay health issues and insecurities for him. Assure him of your love, and the fact that this upsets you and is a great distress and the fact that you have no control over what your sister does but he has and explain that your sister public or pay for content subscription that you've found him look at or consuming, makes your husband like a stranger towards you. My friend, you must come from different angles with the scope of saving your husband from this mistake, help him recognise and correct and he's going to be yours forever ever, hold power over him, if you judge and arbitrate for the truth, forgiveness and peace, respect, happiness in his own family, your family. Show legal power this way. Have patience over any impulse you have that basically get from any other advice that sees your future in a very unique position that you don't want to be. I can assure you that. That would be a waste of time. Set the record straight away. Be the help you oromis eachother. He's now fallen into a trap that he's not even realising how grave it is. Show him that. Use both heart and mind. Be wise. Don't rush to push impulsive decisions. I want you well, both of you. You're still in your wedding don't worry, we will still rise our voice when you're exhausted. You're not alone, precious lady. Go on and be the blessing for your further generations in your family. You might save the entire human race.. goodbye for now.

@HazelPlayer so true, I'm almost tempted to think it's actually an influx of catfishing men

@RealityCheckU so - OP says to her husband .. 'Get on board and we can save the human race if you just stop wanking over my sisters tits? '

Eeew. That's a new level of eeewww
I would be mortified if a relative was doing such a thing. And further mortified if other relatives were looking
How would you look them in the face at a social event if you not only know what they are doing, but that you yourself have lowered to the level of looking as well

Oh come on, get a grip. He has been noisy and looked at web page.
Did he act on it in any way?

Theres plenty of people looking at naughty websites.