Husband looking at my sisters "naughty website"

[Mumoftwo95]

I made a thread yesterday with screen shots of his notifications from what looked like a saucy hook up site, I had it out with him and he said they must be spam notifications from live streaming the boxing illegally. I looked it up and it said he could have accidentally clicked "allow pop ups" on his browser so I tried to find the settings for him and stumbled apon his search history which had shown he had been accessing has been accessing my sisters "naughty website" multiple times over the last few months. He said he hasn't subscribed as if that makes it any better. I feel so sick, betrayed and just completely ruined.

How would you go about moving out? I have bugger all in savings and have a 2 + 3 year old to look after, my whole life has fallen to pieces in the matter of minutes.

Saw someone posting about their sister being videoed

The sister videoed herself and has put it on a website behind a paywall. The home page is a topless photo of herself (that she also put up).

Maybe you have mixed up two threads?

Nowhere has she said she's going to be homeless, stop with the hyperbole to try to prove a point.

Ah I may have misunderstood, I feel for the OP but I honestly think alot of guys would look at this, check out your man's WhatsApp group would have been shared

The op's looking at ending a relationship with the father of her two young kids.

Her sister has mental health issues and is very vulnerable and an ongoing worry.

And this is what you comment??!!

The last few posts would suggest several posters on this thread have hit the vino.
Really shitty posts.
Some making a laugh out of someone's distress.

Why would she need to live with the Amish?

Are you implying someone who objects to her partner & father of her kids repeatedly looking up a site filled with topless and obscured explicit images of her bipolar sister ... Would need to live in an extremely conservative, technology free, religious cult group??

I watch porn, my h watches porn (less than me probably) ... But I would not be ok with my h looking up topless etc images of my bipolar sister repeatedly behind my back ... Whether it was "curiosity", titillation or ridicule.

I would not be ok with it because it's my sister and I would not be ok with it because she's mostly only got that site because she has MH issues.

But he wouldn't do that .... And I knew before even asking him (from decades of knowing him) that he wouldn't do that. Because he has some sense of decency and appropriate- ness.

I don't need to join a religious cult.
Why would the op?

If anyone pulls themselves back from this situation...just for a moment to look at it objectively.
No matter what your opinion is on Porn
The OP must be more upset with the sister than the man.
I also agree, there is no way a person is not going to look at the content, once he/she knows it exists. It's your SIL.

Re reading the original post the key thing for me is that the site is for "hook ups" so he is clearly looking for physical / emotional connection. The fact that he is on this kind of site is a big red flag. As a male for me for sure I am going to look at other women on porn sites but when you look to initiate an intimate or personal relationship that is too far

This thread is like a parallel universe.

The op's not upset or annoyed at her sister; because she has an ongoing significant MH health issue.

(But even if she hadn't, she had the right to set up a sex work site without her brother in law looking for it and going on it repeatedly.).

And it being his SIL; is the reason no decent man would look it up. Let alone repeatedly.

You don't do that with a woman you're around at family gatherings, you don't do that with your partner's sister. You don't do that with a woman you know is mentally ill and vulnerable.

Maybe he's just a cheat.

He has a partner and two young children.

His behaviour re his sister in law is certainly extremely inappropriate.

Oh and you didn't need to specify you're a male, it was obvious.

It always is (and not for any good reason).

As a male for me for sure I am going to look at other women on porn sites

Including looking up your bipolar sister in law to look at nude pics of her?

You need to do what you think is right. It's 2024 not 1924 unfortunately porn can up on any ad on the Internet nowadays, some people are open minded some aren't. Hope you get stuff sorted all the best.

...screen shots of his notifications from what looked like a saucy hook up site, I had it out with him and he said they must be spam notifications from live streaming the boxing illegally.

Having read the first post again to see what you were referring to;
She was not able to confirm either way that he was on hook up sites.
It's not impossible they were related to using illegal apps.

She understandably got "side tracked" by finding out he'd been repeatedly looking up her vulnerable bipolar sister's sex work page.

??

The wtfuckery is next level on this site tonight.

I would not be happy with a husband's porn use, but this is worse anyway, I think most people would agree.

@HazelPlayer
The Amish are not a cult. They are a traditionalist Christian sect.
And no I am not implying that objection is not warranted, it is.
However objection is much milder and more appropriate than instantly intentionally making yourself and your children homeless.
The kids will be punished the most and they are innocent.

It comes down to self control and respect, plenty of men would. I wouldn't.

This is an aside but the Amish culture is pretty much a cult. A lot of ex members had very unpleasant experiences.

I'm a Bible-believing Christian, but it doesn't involve not being allowed to use electricity, or the all sorts of extra rules they have to follow (which vary between the different groups.)

Cults to Consciousness has quite a few interviews with former Amish. This is a good one

I don't need educated on Christian sects, ta.

Any religious sect or religion for that matter; is a religious cult. The only qualifier is how cultish they are on the spectrum of cultish-ness.

The op's response is appropriate. His behaviour has been inappropriate in the extreme and he's damaged their relationship to the extent it may not be reparable. That's understandable, from the op's point of view.

Her life partner and kids father should be a support to her with her bipolar sister, not someone who sleazes on/exploits/gawks at/ridicules her bipolar sister. I'm sure he's well aware of the op's distress at experiences with her sister to date. He shouldn't have been within an internet mile of her sex work site. Not once, let alone multiple times.

She doesn't need to act more mildly.

"Innocent" children are inconvenienced and have their lives impacted every day of the week by their parents poor choices .... In this case the father's.
Since the op is also very much an innocent party in this.

If she chooses to separate, her kids lives being affected is down to their Dad's choices and behaviour, not any fault of hers.

No, it’s not a cult. Cults have a formal definition. The Amish are a Christian sect.
Lots of Catholics have had and are having very unpleasant experiences so that isn’t some sort of barometer of a cult. 🫤

Cults have a formal definition.

Anyone could argue successfully that any religion is - in essence - a cult.

Some are just more "easygoing" than others.

Well since you have no idea what a cult is and ignorantly think all religions are on some wacky imaginary cult spectrum, then you very much do need an education on it!

I disagree. I think that her response is both inappropriate and disporportionate.

The OP isn’t innocent of choosing the most destructive retaliation possible.

Well, if your sister didn't tempt him into sin you wouldn't be so upset. Men are men. If you don't want this kind of dilemma educate your sister instead of using up your energy of anger at your husband. Convert that energy to educate your sister

Not successfully! Your doubling down on this is only highlighting how little you do know.