My wife gave me grief for not trusting her but I got good reasons for not trusting her. What would you do in my situation?

[braddiesel]

For info. My wife and I have been married for 5 years.

Recently she gave me grief for being overly independent and not trusting her. In about 2 weeks from now, my mother will be admitted into the local hospital on Monday for a major surgery (not gonna say what surgery because it's personal) but on that very same day, I will be at work and me and my coworkers will have an important meeting that unfortunately I can't afford to miss so I won't be able to take the day off to take her to the hospital. Note: my mother and father are divorced so she lives alone. And my other brothers will also be very busy. So I called my long time best friend and he immediately said: no problems mate. I'll be there. My wife then told me that she can take her day off so she can take my mother to the hospital and look after but I told her no thank you.

My best friend already accepted to help me and my mother out so she doesn't have to be bothered by anything.

My wife gave me grief and said that I do not trust her as my life partner and that it kinda baffles her that I would call my best friend or brothers before turning to her but I responded with "yeah you are a good partner. That is why you left me stranded on the side of the road. You told me that you would pick me up from work but you forgot about me because you fell asleep.

About 5 months ago, my car broke down and needed a new clutch so I had no car to go to work. my wife has her car and even tho she would work from home, I didn't want to use her car because I don't like driving cars that doesn't belong to me so I took the bus to work while my car was getting fixed but one day, my wife wanted to pick me up from work but I told her no that I will find my way home alone but she insisted so I accepted. But I waited and waited and never showed up.

By pure luck, my best friend happened to drive by and he told me to get in the car and he gave me a ride home.

When I got home I found my wife sleeping on the couch. I couldn't believe my eyes. She woke up and profusely apologized but I laughed at her and said "yeah I am sure you sorry" the next day she apologized again and I told her it's all good.

This happened 5 months ago and she told me she apologized and she said that it's not fair that I am holding a grudge against her over an honest mistake.

What would you do ?

Nobody is perfect OP, you’re certainly not. Give her a break, or do her a favour and just get divorced.

Except when it's your mum lol

People make mistakes op, you are ridiculous

There is not a person who has ever lived who has never let a loved one down in some capacity.

Are you very young? The grandstanding and moral absolutes suggest so.

Is this the only occasion she has let you down?

Real small dick energy here 🙄

You could equally argue that if you truly care about someone you don't punish them and hold grudges for half a year, making snide remarks and refusing to accept their apology.

in your situation I would drop mr perfect act and give your wife a break

She made a mistake once and you have decided she is untrustworthy forever more. If she did this multiple times to you, then you may have an argument, but a one off is completely ridiculous.

If you care about someone, you forgive their mistakes. You must be an amazing person to have never made a mistake in life yourself. Never overslept in your life, never been wrong about anything? Let's hope you can manage to live by your own high standards, because you are most likely cruising for a fall. There is not an aging person alive who hasn't had a memory fail, these things happen and to put it down to showing a level of care, is too simplistic. Just wait till you get older.

Refusing to drive her car just made life harder all round. Your reasoning sounds quite wet. You can either drive or you can't, and what happens when you get yourself a new car, that you haven't driven before? There's always a first time in a car, people get on with it, as you doubtless have at some point. Weren't you already by then trying to avoid her offer of help by use of car, to the extent of catching a bus as a show if independence.
Is there a back catalogue of times she has 'let you down' or is this the only one? If there are many instances, you could have a point. But if you are doing a 'one strike and you're out' approach, you will fall on your sword soon enough.

Well last time I check when you truly care about someone, you don't ever let them down but that's just me. If the rolls were reversed, I would never forget about her like that

Oh aye.

Never forgotten to take the meat out the freezer? The washing out the washing machine? To call when you said you would?

These are all things that are totally normal for human beings to do, even within committed relationships.

Either you're only about 12 and therefore not mature enough to understand that, or you're actually an alien who's not been on earth for very long because this is such a mental take.

I always try not to let people down if I care about them.

And about the car, I didn't always have a car. Especially when I first moved out of my mother's house in my mid twenties. I had to take buses and subways to everywhere I went to so taking public transports is not a problem for me. If my wife never offered to pick me up, I would've been fine and I would've took the bus home from work.

Overall I i know how to function independently at least 99.9 percent of the time. What makes life hard is someone offering help, you reluctantly accept it and they don't show up.

I don't know what's more pathetic.

Someone lying about this for fun or it being true and there actually is a dickhead out there carrying on like this.

Either way you're being a tit. Sort your life out and grow up.

IT WASN'T INTENTIONAL!

Yet you are still punishing her.

I hope she sees the light and leaves you

Are you really concerned your wife might forget to take your mother to the hospital? I don't quite understand why you would ask a friend before her, your brother's fair enough, although you are a lousy set of sons that none of you can find the time to take your mother to the hospital for a serious operation.

Sarcasm the lowest form of whit and shows what you really think...
Your a prat for not driving her car what would you do if she was taken ill while you were both in her car leave it and get a taxi? Are you such a bad driver you can't afford to be a named driver? There's a difference between not driving a friend's car and not driving your spouse's.
Are you the perfect, never make a mistake person? (Your obviously not very forgiving or tolerant)
Who the hell asks a friend to take their mother to hospital....you have siblings one of you does it for god sake.
You are having an affair with your best friend surely?

Once. Your wife offered to pick you up from work when you refused her offer of her car for the day, and fell asleep and forgot once.

If you’d been taking the bus for days while your own car was out of action, I don’t see why you’re being so melodramatic about how you ‘waited and waited’ and being left ‘stranded on the side of the road’. If she wasn’t answering her phone, just get a bus, surely? Mildly annoying at the time, maybe, but not something to be still brooding on five months later.

Well last time I check when you truly care about someone, you don't ever let them down but that's just me. If the rolls were reversed, I would never forget about her like that

Almost all PP have said everything I would have said. However this is so ridiculous I want to just point out the following:

Last time I checked - People are human and therefore can make mistakes. A mistake that is difficult to forgive would be on the scale of running over the family pet, loosing a valuable family heirloom. 'Human error' is a phase that exists for a reason. We are not robots that can do everything perfectly all the time.

Falling asleep and not picking someone up on time is forgivable, it is an accident, she has apologised and you should forgive her. Seriously. Have you ever forgotten to take the bin out or been late to a meeting? its the same level as that. You are an adult (you claim) it is not like she left a 6 year old at the school gates in the rain and the dark.

Last time I checked - People with close family members who have important operations will find a way to be there fore them. I get that your friend is 'like' family but your brothers and wife ARE family and this is a personal operation. more than one person can support this situation.

Do you have any idea how you will be making your wife feel through the action of choosing a friend to help the family over her? Maybe you do have an idea and maybe this is your intention, you are making her feel worthless and belittling her position within the family. Have you told your brothers, mother and friend why you wont 'let' her help - because you dont trust her? If you have you are now alienating her from your family.

Either grow up, treat her as an equal and forgive her for a simple human error or do her a favour and leave because the 'trust' is broken.

But you’re letting your Mum down aren’t you? Sometimes life gets in the way. You are not letting your wife forget about the time she nodded off, but your Mum isn’t pissy that you’ve offloaded her to your best mate.

You’re weird, have you never made a mistake ?

Sorry I think you’re the petty one here.

God, what a man baby

Surely this is a joke post? You cannot be serious? Or you have serious problems! Either get over this or let your wife move on with someone who isn’t such a manchild! I would personally have left you LONG ago!

You don't like letting people down but you're happy to hold onto a petty grudge over a genuine error and like to throw it in her face as though she purposefully fell asleep just to spite you

I hope you're just someone making this up for shits and giggles because you knew it would get women cross at the thought of such an awful man, because the alternative is that you are a nasty person treating the woman you are supposed to love like shit and you thought you'd come here and other women would stroke your ego, tell you you are right and sympathise about how awful she is.

Well last time I check when you truly care about someone, you don't ever let them down but that's just me. If the rolls were reversed, I would never forget about her like that.

You need to look up the word "forget" in the dictionary

Falling asleep unintentionally is not forgetting. No matter how many times you say it in a desperate bid to make her sound deliberately cruel.

The only person coming over as deliberately cruel is you.

😂