DH message. For me?

[lopdedop]

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

My DH has traveled a lot. He was away twice for over a month. He never once text me his room number. Unfortunately, that message wasnt for you. It was for whoever he's traveling with. Id turn up and suprise him at the airport.

@lopdedop
Did you check if she was home this morning?

Such a short message sounds like a message to a prostitute rather than to an affair partner.

Driving yourself mad about this text message is stopping you from seeing the reality, OP.
Without it, there are enough signs that this man has no care for you.
Whatever he is up to or not in the hotel he’s treating you really badly. If he had sent you a text meant for a colleague by accident he would tell you. But he’s ignoring you to play for time.
If he tries to convince you it is all in your head, it’s not.
He has behaved appallingly, you would be best spending the time while he is away as PP have suggested planning a new life without him.
As a newlywed that is heartbreaking for you, of course, but at least you haven’t spent years in an awful marriage, possibly then with children, trying to escape.
It will be painful. It is confusing when someone agrees to a marriage and starts it off this badly, but that’s his fault.
He will do it to the next woman, rinse and repeat.
You have so much life ahead of you than to be tortured in this marriage.

My own guess is an Escort.

If it was an AP, there would have been at least a kiss or a loved dovey emoji to end the text.

It's too blunt to be anything other than a 'business' meeting.

This was my question, is it definitely a work trip?

I’m sorry OP he’s definitely up to no good. If there was an innocent explanation like he meant to send the msg to a colleague also at the hotel etc then he would have told you that.

Seems odd that OW would drive separately 4h to a hotel though. More likely to be escort especially as the message has no xx

Did you try FaceTime again?
Did you find out if she was at home?
If they have gone away together maybe something will slip on her social media.

But as a PP said. Why bother finding out? The throwing the rings at you and ‘go for it’ comment is him showing and telling you exactly what he wants to do. I’d spend this week sorting everything out to get the divorce ball rolling. Including moving his stuff into the spare bedroom. Also I would not respond to any messages this week after him ignoring your call. He wouldn’t get a single thing from me. I’d make him sweat it for the week.

💐

Get your ducks in a row and use the week to make plans for a future without him. Without a doubt he is cheating. There's no other explanation.

That's a bit of a stretch.

But also, does it matter?

It's the same outcome.

It doesn’t sound good - and really not great to have this already if you are newlyweds. If you stay together you need to rebuild trust (well he does)

I do tell my husband what room I’m in whenever I go away for work, I just always have so he knows where he can reach me if I’m not answering my phone (never happens but just incase really), so this wouldn’t be a weird text for me to send. But if he’s never done it before then it is a bit strange.

Omg I wouldn't be able to leave this. i would do everything I could to find out the truth. Call the hotel, see if they could tell me anything. Drive to the hotel, go to room 38! I just couldn't not know.

Why would he be in a mood just because you wondered why he “updated” you?
Unless the text was for an escort or someone he knows and he’s pissed off he’s been caught out…

Op I'm so sorry. I mean it's straight up obvious.

The room number was not intended for you.

And he had 0 reason to be heading to the hotel that early. DH travels a lot, frankly he'd rather leave here at 2am most of the time. But if he was getting an airport hotel, he'd probably head there as late as he could, preferring to spend time with me/at home.

He's literally plonked himself in a hotel for the day/night to meet her.

Can you contact the hotel and somehow find out if friend has arrived yet?

Unless you live at number 38 ... It is of no numerical significance.

I would have to know.

Given the wider context of your issues and this woman, it seems very suspicious to me.
It's not a nice thing to have to do, but I think you need to have it out with him.

They aren’t likely to answer that. You could be anybody ringing.

If it looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, it's a duck.

He's already taken his rings off and said you've forced his hand.

I'd have had to go to the hotel....

But whatever you do, a life spent sleuthing on if a younger woman is out in town or could be with your husband is not the life you deserve.

I suspect prostitute. Surely if it were the OW he would meet her in the lobby or something and take her out to dinner first?

Yeah this. He sent you a text telling you which room he was in, you ask why he sent it, he said to keep you updated.. and now he's in a mood with you? That rings even more alarm bells to me than the first message! Why would he go into a mood with you over that?!

Oh and also, whilst I'm sure the posts saying "oh I always send my DH / DW / DP my room number when I stay in a hotel!" mean well, it's not really helpful here because it's not the norm in this situation. I'm also really struggling to believe why anyone would send their OH their room number unless they're joining them - I rarely even know my own room number 😳 My DP probably wouldn't even know which hotel I'm in never mind which room!

Sorry OP but generally these things are very clear to make sense of. You had your suspicions about him leaving early, about another woman he's recently befriended (who also isn't where she is meant to be) and now this. Yeah he's up to no good. I'm sorry.

I'm going to go against the grain here. I think if he was having an affair or hook up he would be extra careful to make sure he sent the message to the right number. He may be wanting to keep you in the loop incase you need him. Or perhaps in some way he's trying to get your attention. Maybe he wanted you to talk dirty to him or something, or maybe to say "wish I was there with you" I don't know. Instead his plan backfired, you got suspicious (rightly) and this has made him defensive.
However the rest of your updates re the other woman are concerning. He shouldn't be oversharing your problems to her. He should be talking to you and working on the issues.

I'm sorry @lopdedop but your husband is having an affair.

Even if he's not just had sex with HER in that hotel room, he's had sex with a sex worker instead.

You really should end your marriage. This isn't fair on you to stay in this awful marriage. See you're newlyweds, hoping you don't have children already. But even if you do have children, it's still better to end it, than to stay with this cheating scumbag. You'll meet someone much better than this disloyal cunt.

It's a bit of a mistake on his part. Messaging his wife rather than his bit on the side. It suggests to me that he isn't used to messaging another woman regularly. So that means he wasn't messaging an OW. It was a one-off message to a visiting prostitute.