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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH message. For me?

621 replies

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:53

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 08/08/2024 19:08

I’d say you’ve had a lucky escape!

Changedname23 · 08/08/2024 19:14

Hope you're doing okay OP

SummerSnowstorm · 08/08/2024 19:40

Lovingsummers · 07/08/2024 03:57

Could be a business colleague he's meeting up with? Innocently.

Edited

Then there would be no reason not to follow up with "sorry that was meant for Bob". The fact he's given no explanation and got angry rules that out.

Aim4Lesscortisol · 08/08/2024 19:50

If its any help whenever my DH has work trips abroad he sends a message saying checked in at blank hotel and gives room number- knock on wood etc but in case of hotel fire, in case he doesnt show up and I need to get his room checked to see if he is ill, but also in case his phone is off, flat and there is a family emergency - a while back I needed to get hold of him because his Dad got blue lighted / unexpected end of life imminent to rush home for and he feels better giving the room number since that

Pippetypoppity · 08/08/2024 19:55

Just sending you a hug and a hand hold. I hope you’re happy again soon. Say No to the head fuckery!! You are absolutely right. Your sanity is ALL that matters Xxxxx

Jack80 · 08/08/2024 20:03

Maybe he is just being over precautious.

OhcantthInkofaname · 08/08/2024 20:32

Can you find out where she was?

Fandabbydaisy · 08/08/2024 20:34

I just wanted to say when my marriage was ending my dh made me feel like I was going crazy. I’m not insecure it was his change in behaviour. I trusted my gut and I was right emotional affair. I would have felt off by him sending the room number to. I think sometimes it’s ok to love someone but not necessarily forever.

WafflesOrIceCream · 08/08/2024 20:42

So sorry OP.Concentrate on yourself.

Miyagi99 · 08/08/2024 21:00

Aim4Lesscortisol · 08/08/2024 19:50

If its any help whenever my DH has work trips abroad he sends a message saying checked in at blank hotel and gives room number- knock on wood etc but in case of hotel fire, in case he doesnt show up and I need to get his room checked to see if he is ill, but also in case his phone is off, flat and there is a family emergency - a while back I needed to get hold of him because his Dad got blue lighted / unexpected end of life imminent to rush home for and he feels better giving the room number since that

Right, this was what my mind went to and then if I asked to check behind his shower curtain on a video call he’d assume I’d lost my mind! But then I wouldn’t have assumed the text was for someone else either so there’s obviously something really wrong with this relationship either way. And I don’t mean that derogatory to OP, I genuinely would be concerned.

TheBossOfMe · 08/08/2024 21:06

Aim4Lesscortisol · 08/08/2024 19:50

If its any help whenever my DH has work trips abroad he sends a message saying checked in at blank hotel and gives room number- knock on wood etc but in case of hotel fire, in case he doesnt show up and I need to get his room checked to see if he is ill, but also in case his phone is off, flat and there is a family emergency - a while back I needed to get hold of him because his Dad got blue lighted / unexpected end of life imminent to rush home for and he feels better giving the room number since that

I travel a lot for work - 20+ weeks a year. I do the same thing, but it’s habitual behaviour. If I suddenly did it having never done it before without a discussion with DP about “hey I’ve thought about this and this is what I’m going to do and why” I’m sure his spidey senses would go off. As would his the other way round. He absolutely had someone else in his room. Or intended to at the very least.

rockingbird · 08/08/2024 21:17

Sadly I have this t-shirt.. prepare yourself.! I can see many possible explanations but the truth is that message wasn't for you.

Orangeandpinknails · 08/08/2024 21:26

emelina15 · 07/08/2024 03:24

Does the number 38 have any significance to either of you? Long shot, but you never know…

This is what I thought too... maybe like "I'm in room 38 again, like we were when we went to Spain last month..."

OhGloria · 08/08/2024 21:38

Orangeandpinknails · 08/08/2024 21:26

This is what I thought too... maybe like "I'm in room 38 again, like we were when we went to Spain last month..."

Show quote history

I doubt whether he's that sentimental.
He threw his wedding ring at her and left for 4 days to punish her previously.

He's capable of cheating.

Doubledded123 · 08/08/2024 21:41

Can we have an update ?

DreamW3aver · 08/08/2024 22:12

Doubledded123 · 08/08/2024 21:41

Can we have an update ?

Think about what you're posting, there's a real person dealing with a possible marriage breakdown, she doesn't owe you hourly updates for heavens sake, don't be so insensitive

AnnieSnap · 08/08/2024 22:15

Doubledded123 · 08/08/2024 21:41

Can we have an update ?

The OP updated the thread at 18.53 this evening. I doubt her distressing situation has moved on since then.

Saymynamesaymyname1984 · 08/08/2024 22:57

Hope you’re ok OP.

TheBumbler · 08/08/2024 23:08

lopdedop · 08/08/2024 18:53

Thanks again for the messages of support. Also for the ones trying to suggest alternative reasons for the message he sent.

He is away for a week. He will probably arrive home and we can talk then.
I blocked because I'm tired of it all. I just don't want to engage or row over the phone. The time leading up to his departure has been horrible and my nerves are shattered. I need some quiet time off to think. He can email me if he needs to.

The intention was to move to the other country together. I will still go in a few weeks.
Thanks to so many of you for your incredibly thoughtful and wise words.

I've been following this quietly since the beginning. You are a brilliant for not reacting and giving ammunition.

I really hope things work out for you. I'm so sorry for what's happened.

Please keep us updated.

Mimi987 · 08/08/2024 23:12

Just sending a hug x

LookingforMaryPoppins · 08/08/2024 23:21

BunnyLake · 08/08/2024 18:55

Did you press him on opening the shower curtain? Can’t help but wonder if she was behind it as he seemed reluctant.

Sorry you are going through this. Trust your gut instinct is the only advice.

I had a similar scenario with my now ex husband many years ago, my gut instinct was correct, it's like a sixth sense!

paisley256 · 08/08/2024 23:27

Also sending a hug x

HeadacheEarthquake · 08/08/2024 23:37

Doubledded123 · 08/08/2024 21:41

Can we have an update ?

Harsh...

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 08/08/2024 23:48

Doubledded123 · 08/08/2024 21:41

Can we have an update ?

How often do you expect one? She's blocked her "d"h, what more is to be said?

NeedSomeHeadspace · 09/08/2024 00:22

Are you certain he’s even at this airport hotel? I’d ring the hotel and ask to be connected to Room 38. The Receptionist should ask what name and you’ll be transferred if he’s there. You can always hang up on connecting, if you don’t want to speak to him!