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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH message. For me?

621 replies

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:53

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

OP posts:
TheNuthatch · 08/08/2024 12:32

I'm sorry it's ended like this, but you've done the right thing. Good luck with your move, I have a feeling that your life will improve immeasurably without you stbexh in it

BunnyLake · 08/08/2024 13:05

@NoisyDenimShaker This isn’t a Rom com or tv drama. You have some imagination if you think an employee is going to do all that nonsense, and then report it back to OP lol.

HiddenUser · 08/08/2024 13:37

Does number 38 mean anything to your relationship? My husband for example would probably text me if he ended up in our house number, for no reason really just as something to say.

MounjaroUser · 08/08/2024 13:47

It's a bit of a stretch here, though, @HiddenUser

JimPanzee · 08/08/2024 13:57

MounjaroUser · 08/08/2024 13:47

It's a bit of a stretch here, though, @HiddenUser

A huge leap more like!
And I think OP would have mentioned it, if that was the case.

Waterboatlass · 08/08/2024 14:11

HiddenUser · 08/08/2024 13:37

Does number 38 mean anything to your relationship? My husband for example would probably text me if he ended up in our house number, for no reason really just as something to say.

Someone asked early on and OP said not

LindorDoubleChoc · 08/08/2024 14:47

supersop60 · 08/08/2024 10:39

Have you read the OP'S other posts?
This is not the only thing that has bothered the OP.

Show quote history

Why would he text room service?? come on!

historiccastles · 08/08/2024 15:00

I think you're right that he is more than likely cheating, either with the woman you suspect or with an escort.

Your decision to end the relationship is of course justified but I do baulk a bit at the idea of blocking your husband without telling him anything about your decision. Anyone you're in a proper relationship with, and certainly a marriage (in the absence of abuse that puts you in fear for your safety, of course) deserves a statement that you're leaving and blocking him, rather than just 'ghosting'.

DazedAndConfused321 · 08/08/2024 16:42

Good for you OP. You don't deserve a lifetime of worrying and being treated like this. Move on and away and know you've done the right thing.

He will suffer and may never accept how awful he is, but he will feel it.

DOBARDAN · 08/08/2024 16:49

historiccastles · 08/08/2024 15:00

I think you're right that he is more than likely cheating, either with the woman you suspect or with an escort.

Your decision to end the relationship is of course justified but I do baulk a bit at the idea of blocking your husband without telling him anything about your decision. Anyone you're in a proper relationship with, and certainly a marriage (in the absence of abuse that puts you in fear for your safety, of course) deserves a statement that you're leaving and blocking him, rather than just 'ghosting'.

I don't blame her for 'ghosting' and blocking, after all, he showed her no regard or respect with his actions. Maybe he needs to know how it feels to have questions or concerns that aren't answered honestly, if at all. It can be her way of showing her 'mood' back to him. He is now the one wondering what is going on. Of course, further on in time, they will have to speak and sort things out regarding the divorce, but for now blocking and ghosting is ok.

Buddhistretreatwithcrisps · 08/08/2024 17:14

I'd be offering £20 to someone on reception to take a photo of her coming out of his room (only slightly joking)

letsallmeetupinthehyear2000 · 08/08/2024 17:40

In the old days you’d always give your room number so friends and family knew who to ask for if they rang

MounjaroUser · 08/08/2024 17:44

Yes but we're not in the olden days and her husband clearly has a phone as he sent her a message from it!

MsDogLady · 08/08/2024 17:47

@lopdedop, I’ve been thinking of you. How are you doing?

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 08/08/2024 17:55

He is gaslighting you by denying his suspicious actions. Manipulating you by going to moods to try and divert your attention from the obvious.
The relationship is inappropriate with this other woman and he would have been out the door when he huddled to talk to her. She’s disrespectful as fuck by trying to talk to you. Bitch.
I hope you have find the strength to keep him and his bullshit in your past and move forward without him guilt tripping you and tricking you in to going back.

If everyone else thinks he’s so great, save and show them his messages.

Wishing you all the best and a happier future, stay strong OP 💐💜

MustWeDoThis · 08/08/2024 17:56

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:59

Thanks for the replies. I did respond and asked who the message was for. He said he was just keeping me updated..? But yes, he knows there is no reason for me to visit. Now he's in a mood with me.

If he had nothing to worry about, or feel guilty for, he would not act defensive, or moody. He's been caught out and he's angry at himself for it, and resents you for questioning him.

restingbitchface30 · 08/08/2024 18:34

Could he be sending you that message to get you overthinking? Maybe he’s trying to piss u off if you’ve not been too great lately. I’m really trying to think of anything but the obvious here!

Franniblondi · 08/08/2024 18:42

He is a cheater

Melx42 · 08/08/2024 18:48

I would have phoned the room and said that the “ow” Uber had arrived. See if he asked her if she had ordered an Uber

AnnieSnap · 08/08/2024 18:50

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 03:31

No not a significant number. Checked and she's not out with the people. She's staying at home apparently. That I can't confirm. Fuck.

Sorry to say, I’d be suspicious.

lemonicetea · 08/08/2024 18:51

Melx42 · 08/08/2024 18:48

I would have phoned the room and said that the “ow” Uber had arrived. See if he asked her if she had ordered an Uber

It’s all on the mobile phone.

Original poster
lopdedop · 08/08/2024 18:53

Thanks again for the messages of support. Also for the ones trying to suggest alternative reasons for the message he sent.

He is away for a week. He will probably arrive home and we can talk then.
I blocked because I'm tired of it all. I just don't want to engage or row over the phone. The time leading up to his departure has been horrible and my nerves are shattered. I need some quiet time off to think. He can email me if he needs to.

The intention was to move to the other country together. I will still go in a few weeks.
Thanks to so many of you for your incredibly thoughtful and wise words.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 08/08/2024 18:55

Did you press him on opening the shower curtain? Can’t help but wonder if she was behind it as he seemed reluctant.

alwaysthepessimist · 08/08/2024 18:56

Does he or her have Snapchat - could you check their locations through that?

Ilovemydogellie · 08/08/2024 19:01

You poor thing. You must be distraught. From experience I’d sadly say trust your instincts. Mind yourself. A horrible time for you.

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