Page 15 | DH message. For me?

lopdedop · 2024-08-07T01:53:01+00:00

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38". Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before? Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

Sinderalla · 08/08/2024 00:46

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 16:25

He answered the call at 3am. Said he'd just woken up and needed to shower. I asked him, to put my mind at rest, to show me the room. He quickly and grumpily showed me the room. He wouldn't open the shower curtain. Just tutted at me.
I wished him a safe journey. I have now blocked him.

He is not on a business trip, he has to go to his home country for admin stuff. My car is in the garage, so couldn't have gone to the hotel.

We don't have children or any intention of having any.

I am in the process of moving to another country. So I will concentrate on that this week. I can't be arsed going to check on OW. I think I just need to trust my gut, and that's all the evidence I need. It's up to him to prove otherwise.

Looking forward to spending a quiet week organising my future without any headfuckery.

Your messages have been incredibly helpful. Thanks all for taking the time. I feel stronger already.

Good luck x
You got this 💪

xTheLoudLeaderx · 08/08/2024 01:31

I think you know yourself when things like this happen. It was clearly to the wrong person and he thought he could lie his way out of it, by making you think you waS going mad. Could have been someone he knew or paying for - who knows but whatever he was doing - to then ignore you and blame you pretty much is horrible ! Glad you blocked him !

Noverdict · 08/08/2024 02:22

Wow. Judged and declared guilty on the flimsiest of evidence. No wonder so many people get divorced. I mean, maybe he ordered room service, or a drink, maybe 38 has other connotations with you?
why always declare guilty verdicts?

why assume an affair? Maybe, even if your suspicions are correct that it's to have sex with someone, it's a one off session. That's not an affair is it?

Bekindtoyourselfandothers · 08/08/2024 03:40

Noverdict · 08/08/2024 02:22

Wow. Judged and declared guilty on the flimsiest of evidence. No wonder so many people get divorced. I mean, maybe he ordered room service, or a drink, maybe 38 has other connotations with you?
why always declare guilty verdicts?

why assume an affair? Maybe, even if your suspicions are correct that it's to have sex with someone, it's a one off session. That's not an affair is it?

Have you read all of OPs posts?
Or do you think his behaviour over the past few months is acceptable?

Rafting2022 · 08/08/2024 05:12

user1492757084 · 07/08/2024 03:47

Deliver a pizza to OWs house, OP.

Actually, could husband have been sending room number to a pizza service?

Edited

Bless you.

Ihopeithinkiknow · 08/08/2024 06:05

AdultHumanEmail · 07/08/2024 10:05

Look in your heart, girl. You know the truth. You know what men are like. I'm sorry this is happening to you. My first husband cheated on me, and thankfully he died young.

Jesus fucking Christ!! I have read some things on here but you take the prize for being the absolute worst. "Thankfully he died young" THANKFULLY lol did you kill him because who even says things like that

BeethovenNinth · 08/08/2024 06:17

Sorry OP. This does sound very dodgy. I hope you find peace moving forward. You sound calm and sensible and strong.

Tescovalu · 08/08/2024 07:24

Yup.
ive received similar messages in the past. This isn’t good

Tescovalu · 08/08/2024 07:26

Also. Far too early at the hotel

BunnyLake · 08/08/2024 07:39

Noverdict · 08/08/2024 02:22

Wow. Judged and declared guilty on the flimsiest of evidence. No wonder so many people get divorced. I mean, maybe he ordered room service, or a drink, maybe 38 has other connotations with you?
why always declare guilty verdicts?

why assume an affair? Maybe, even if your suspicions are correct that it's to have sex with someone, it's a one off session. That's not an affair is it?

A one-off session? Oh well that’s ok then. What a lot of fuss over a one-off session of sex with a stranger by a newlywed. Honestly some wives just have no sense of fun.

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/08/2024 07:39

Noverdict · 08/08/2024 02:22

Wow. Judged and declared guilty on the flimsiest of evidence. No wonder so many people get divorced. I mean, maybe he ordered room service, or a drink, maybe 38 has other connotations with you?
why always declare guilty verdicts?

why assume an affair? Maybe, even if your suspicions are correct that it's to have sex with someone, it's a one off session. That's not an affair is it?

You think a one off would be OK because it's not an affair? It wouldn't be OK for me.

Psychoticbreak · 08/08/2024 07:45

GoodLordyTheExcusesWeMakeForThem · 07/08/2024 23:30

Unfortunately this is unlikely to be as clear cut as it first appears. As anyone who has cheated or been cheated on will tell you. The first thing that will happen is that you will be attacked for being controlling and for unreasonably doubting them. They will talk about how there is no relationship without trust and gaslight you until you genuinely begin to believe that you are the problem in the marriage/relationship and you slowly lose yourself bit by bit, trying to appease them and the wrong you have done them. All the while leaving them to continue on regardless. You cant win in these situations by trying to ‘prove’ anything or even to ‘work’ on it etc. you have to just trust your gut because even if they aren't cheating, their treatment of you and your boundaries etc is unacceptable and you can't continue to grow smaller everyday to allow this to continue. Know your self worth and your calue as a human and a partner. Then get the fuck out as soon as humanly possible.

Show quote history

100% this. And what happened then in my case I was 'warned' he wouldnt be with someone so controlling/jealous/crazy etc. He made me feel that way though.

Psychoticbreak · 08/08/2024 07:46

Noverdict · 08/08/2024 02:22

Wow. Judged and declared guilty on the flimsiest of evidence. No wonder so many people get divorced. I mean, maybe he ordered room service, or a drink, maybe 38 has other connotations with you?
why always declare guilty verdicts?

why assume an affair? Maybe, even if your suspicions are correct that it's to have sex with someone, it's a one off session. That's not an affair is it?

He sends a text to the hotel recetion with an order? Never heard of that.

Thursdaygirl · 08/08/2024 07:48

Unfortunately this is unlikely to be as clear cut as it first appears. As anyone who has cheated or been cheated on will tell you. The first thing that will happen is that you will be attacked for being controlling and for unreasonably doubting them. They will talk about how there is no relationship without trust and gaslight you until you genuinely begin to believe that you are the problem in the marriage/relationship and you slowly lose yourself bit by bit, trying to appease them and the wrong you have done them. All the while leaving them to continue on regardless. You cant win in these situations by trying to ‘prove’ anything or even to ‘work’ on it etc. you have to just trust your gut because even if they aren't cheating, their treatment of you and your boundaries etc is unacceptable and you can't continue to grow smaller everyday to allow this to continue. Know your self worth and your calue as a human and a partner. Then get the fuck out as soon as humanly possible.

sadly, this is so true.

Thursdaygirl · 08/08/2024 07:59

When I first suspected my ex’s affair, I looked at his phone and found messages that I confronted him about. He went ballistic that I had looked at his pond, obviously trying to deflect from the nature of the messages I had found. He then needed to go away for multiple nights/weekends to “get a break” me. Obviously, he was with the OW, but he managed to make it alll my fault.

CoffeeGood · 08/08/2024 08:05

NoisyDenimShaker · 07/08/2024 21:56

I would try to get a female member of staff on the phone, explain the situation, and ask if she would go and knock at his room on some pretense or other, like giving them extra pillows. Ands then to let you know if he's alone. If you happen to get someone on the phone who's a feminist and not averse to a bit of rule-breaking and subterfuge when it's for a good cause, like me, it might well work. The person can only say no.

Have you tried actually ringing the hotel and asking to be put through to his room, to check he's actually at that hotel?

I do find it odd that a spouse would give the name of the real hotel, if they were cheating, given that the other spouse could easily drive there as a "surprise."

Why on earth would any female hotel employee risk their job for a random woman just because they give you some sob story, what happens if the person on the phone is actually the other woman checking on her AP because he's said he's leaving his wife but doesn't believe him?

He could just say he was in the shower / asleep and didn't hear the phone.

He is four hours away so quite unlikely.

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 08/08/2024 08:16

NoisyDenimShaker · 07/08/2024 21:56

I would try to get a female member of staff on the phone, explain the situation, and ask if she would go and knock at his room on some pretense or other, like giving them extra pillows. Ands then to let you know if he's alone. If you happen to get someone on the phone who's a feminist and not averse to a bit of rule-breaking and subterfuge when it's for a good cause, like me, it might well work. The person can only say no.

Have you tried actually ringing the hotel and asking to be put through to his room, to check he's actually at that hotel?

I do find it odd that a spouse would give the name of the real hotel, if they were cheating, given that the other spouse could easily drive there as a "surprise."

And then they'd lose their job...

Ridiculous idea.

TypingoftheDead · 08/08/2024 08:23

I hope you’re ok, OP, and managing to do what you need to get through right now.

haveagoharry · 08/08/2024 08:27

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:59

Thanks for the replies. I did respond and asked who the message was for. He said he was just keeping me updated..? But yes, he knows there is no reason for me to visit. Now he's in a mood with me.

The bit about him being off with you following a valid question is the give away.

Kitjo · 08/08/2024 08:52

This is a sad read. DH appears to have little regard for you or your/his relationship (regardless of there being another woman or not) - who goes away for 4 days after a row? Or throws rings? That is the time to sit down talk listen apologise make up and find a way forward. My heart goes out to you here as I’m certain your role is innocent but neither of you seem to be meeting each other’s needs. Would you two be able to talk…. Without anger…. Before throwing in the towel?

GrannyRose15 · 08/08/2024 10:30

S00LA · 07/08/2024 02:55

Yes it’s strange, you would only need to know this if you were visiting him in the hotel.

No you wouldn’t. If OP had to contact DH urgently it would help to know his room number. Otoh I’d be asking him if the message was for me and if not who. Put him on the spot and see what he says.

alldayeveryday247 · 08/08/2024 10:33

@NoisyDenimShaker

Not sure it's in the spirit of the sisterhood to ask a stranger to do something that might see them losing their job tbh.

supersop60 · 08/08/2024 10:39

Noverdict · 08/08/2024 02:22

Wow. Judged and declared guilty on the flimsiest of evidence. No wonder so many people get divorced. I mean, maybe he ordered room service, or a drink, maybe 38 has other connotations with you?
why always declare guilty verdicts?

why assume an affair? Maybe, even if your suspicions are correct that it's to have sex with someone, it's a one off session. That's not an affair is it?

Have you read the OP'S other posts?
This is not the only thing that has bothered the OP.

Glazedchristmasham · 08/08/2024 11:01

I'm sure there'll be a future post on Blokesbantz.com about some guy whose wife divorced him because he wouldn't open the shower curtain 😂 . So many people always say when it gets to this sort of mistrust in a relationship, you don't need evidence, but men will quite happily forget all the crap they've put you through and make it very transactional: I didn't open the shower curtain => she divorced me => she's a crazy bitch 🙄, so I do understand why some really need that final proof.

So sorry you are going through this Op 💐. Hopefully when you're out the other side you'll realise that you were very fortunate not to have wasted any more of your life on this prick. Is there any sort of pre-nup or money situation as to why he wanted to marry you despite having so little respect for you?

Thursdaygirl · 08/08/2024 12:19

I'm sure there'll be a future post on Blokesbantz.com about some guy whose wife divorced him because he wouldn't open the shower curtain 😂 . So many people always say when it gets to this sort of mistrust in a relationship, you don't need evidence, but men will quite happily forget all the crap they've put you through and make it very transactional: I didn't open the shower curtain => she divorced me => she's a crazy bitch 🙄, so I do understand why some really need that final proof.

Oh yes. My ex conveniently failed to mention the OW, preferring to tell people I was giving him hell at home. Although I don’t think anyone worth mentioning believed him.