Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH message. For me?

621 replies

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:53

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

OP posts:
DaringlyDizzy · 07/08/2024 16:26

Good luck with the move

lemonicetea · 07/08/2024 16:28

Why did you two get married?

Bekindtoyourselfandothers · 07/08/2024 16:30

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 16:25

He answered the call at 3am. Said he'd just woken up and needed to shower. I asked him, to put my mind at rest, to show me the room. He quickly and grumpily showed me the room. He wouldn't open the shower curtain. Just tutted at me.
I wished him a safe journey. I have now blocked him.

He is not on a business trip, he has to go to his home country for admin stuff. My car is in the garage, so couldn't have gone to the hotel.

We don't have children or any intention of having any.

I am in the process of moving to another country. So I will concentrate on that this week. I can't be arsed going to check on OW. I think I just need to trust my gut, and that's all the evidence I need. It's up to him to prove otherwise.

Looking forward to spending a quiet week organising my future without any headfuckery.

Your messages have been incredibly helpful. Thanks all for taking the time. I feel stronger already.

Well done you OP.
You are totally right to focus on yourself.
Best wishes for your future.

SeeTheWorldAnotherWay · 07/08/2024 16:50

I’ve only ever once text someone my hotel room number and it was to someone I was up to no good with!

GoodLordyTheExcusesWeMakeForThem · 07/08/2024 16:52

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 16:25

He answered the call at 3am. Said he'd just woken up and needed to shower. I asked him, to put my mind at rest, to show me the room. He quickly and grumpily showed me the room. He wouldn't open the shower curtain. Just tutted at me.
I wished him a safe journey. I have now blocked him.

He is not on a business trip, he has to go to his home country for admin stuff. My car is in the garage, so couldn't have gone to the hotel.

We don't have children or any intention of having any.

I am in the process of moving to another country. So I will concentrate on that this week. I can't be arsed going to check on OW. I think I just need to trust my gut, and that's all the evidence I need. It's up to him to prove otherwise.

Looking forward to spending a quiet week organising my future without any headfuckery.

Your messages have been incredibly helpful. Thanks all for taking the time. I feel stronger already.

You are stronger than you think and you will move mountains with this way of thinking. You are worth more than he will ever be able to show you and you owe it to yourself to make sure that whoever you are with, if you are with anyone again (I know I won’t be!) they value you because you value yourself and you know how you deserve to be treated. With respect, love, consideration and kindness. Well done you and I hope you stay safe and manage to grey rock 🪨 his arse!! Xx

IDontHateRainbows · 07/08/2024 17:03

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/08/2024 15:03

I didn't realise it at the time but looking back there was a pattern of this sort if "over information" from my ex-h when he was cheating. He used to send me screenshots of maps or traffic reports or pictures of the front of buildings he was "parked in front of". None of it remotely relevant and all it did was make me suspicious. He also text me by mistake instead of OW once but that did me a favour because it became very clear he was having an affair which he'd long denied.

Trust your gut OP, I wish I had. I hope you have got some answers Flowers

Many moons ago I had a boyfriend who did this. Eg, going somewhere on the train for the weekend and he leaves the timetable on my bed ( this is the early 00s, before smartphones)
Unluckily for him I was smarter than he was and saw this as suspicious. Of course he wasn't where he said he was, he was shagging his ex.

MermaidEyes · 07/08/2024 17:07

lemonicetea · 07/08/2024 16:28

Why did you two get married?

I'm wondering this too.
OP when you say you're currently in the process of moving to another country do you mean on your own or with your husband?!

CinnamonTart · 07/08/2024 17:32

If his flight was at 5am, he would have needed to be at the airport at 3am wouldn’t he? Not just waking up ...

JimPanzee · 07/08/2024 17:38

CinnamonTart · 07/08/2024 17:32

If his flight was at 5am, he would have needed to be at the airport at 3am wouldn’t he? Not just waking up ...

Depends on where he's flying from / to. Not everywhere has a 2-hr rule. And OP says they're not in the UK.
@lopdedop this sounds shit - I hope you're OK 💐

lemonicetea · 07/08/2024 17:39

CinnamonTart · 07/08/2024 17:32

If his flight was at 5am, he would have needed to be at the airport at 3am wouldn’t he? Not just waking up ...

She said he needs to be at the airport at 5am, not that is flight was at 5 tbf.

Capricornandproud · 07/08/2024 18:03

I’m sorry OP but he definitely had someone in the room - and his past behaviour is shady as fuck. Good for you not taking it lying down, even though it hurts 💔

Thursdaygirl · 07/08/2024 18:04

You said he wouldn’t pullback the shower curtain, are you thinking there was someone hiding in the bathroom (sorry if I’m misinterpreting that)?

anon4net · 07/08/2024 18:05

If you are at the point you need to spy on a potential other woman, I think it's long gone past the point of a marriage.

Sorry you are facing this.

Bigcat25 · 07/08/2024 18:13

IDontHateRainbows · 07/08/2024 17:03

Many moons ago I had a boyfriend who did this. Eg, going somewhere on the train for the weekend and he leaves the timetable on my bed ( this is the early 00s, before smartphones)
Unluckily for him I was smarter than he was and saw this as suspicious. Of course he wasn't where he said he was, he was shagging his ex.

Show quote history

Can I ask how you found out?

DaisyFloop · 07/08/2024 18:28

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 16:25

He answered the call at 3am. Said he'd just woken up and needed to shower. I asked him, to put my mind at rest, to show me the room. He quickly and grumpily showed me the room. He wouldn't open the shower curtain. Just tutted at me.
I wished him a safe journey. I have now blocked him.

He is not on a business trip, he has to go to his home country for admin stuff. My car is in the garage, so couldn't have gone to the hotel.

We don't have children or any intention of having any.

I am in the process of moving to another country. So I will concentrate on that this week. I can't be arsed going to check on OW. I think I just need to trust my gut, and that's all the evidence I need. It's up to him to prove otherwise.

Looking forward to spending a quiet week organising my future without any headfuckery.

Your messages have been incredibly helpful. Thanks all for taking the time. I feel stronger already.

Wishing you a happy and bright future 💛

PinotPony · 07/08/2024 18:32

I have an idea...

Ask to see his bank account transactions for the hotel stay and the corresponding hotel bill and / or receipts.

I'm assuming he's met an affair partner as that seems the most likely scenario. If he checked in before lunch and texted her the room number a couple of hours later, chances are they'd have ordered room service at some point over the course of the evening. I doubt they'd have gone out to eat.

You'll easily be able to tell if he's purchased a meal for two people.

If he refuses to show you, that tells you everything.

Tartantotty · 07/08/2024 18:41

The sleuth in me would be going to either her house or the the hotel to do a recce. All a wee bit suspect in my opinion.

thebestinterest · 07/08/2024 18:47

Sounds like an affair, OP ;(

Cincin22 · 07/08/2024 18:49

Dodgy. Could be an escort or a prostitute.

GettingStuffed · 07/08/2024 18:49

Even if the message is innocent it sounds like your marriage is more or less over anyway. I'd start considering divorce.

Although I've threatened DH with divorce on a few occasions we always come out of it. On one occasion I went to stay with my dad for a week to sort my brain out and he genuinely thought I'd gone and he was so apologetic when I came back.

Waterboatlass · 07/08/2024 19:12

I agree go with your gut. It sounds as though this isn't a surprise blip, it's part of a bigger pattern of discontent. I wouldn't start sleuthing, I would go with how he is making you feel and move on.

Thursdaygirl · 07/08/2024 19:16

Once it gets to the sickening ‘cat and mouse’ stage, you might as well cut your losses. My ex was up to no good, I knew, he knew I knew, and it was just pointless

fetchacloth · 07/08/2024 19:19

A man's guilty conscience nearly always comes across as being in a bad mood.
Beware, I've been on the receiving end of this behaviour before with predictable results.🙄

savethatkitty · 07/08/2024 19:50

That message was not meant for you 😔

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/08/2024 20:00

StitchedfromNineExposures · 07/08/2024 14:47

You could call the hotel and say that you are planning on visiting a guest in their room - are you able to go straight to the room or would you need an access card and see what they say.

You might just as well ask them how easy it is to burgle the rooms.