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Original poster

DH message. For me?

621 replies

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:53

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

OP posts:
DamnitImTired · 07/08/2024 14:37

MermaidEyes · 07/08/2024 14:28

If he is cheating I can't believe it's with the young woman OP mentioned. Unless they're going away together there's no way she's driving 4 hours for a quick shag in an airport hotel when he's getting up for a flight at 2am.

Unless there is no flight but rather a week long rendezvous under the guise of a work trip….

GoodLordyTheExcusesWeMakeForThem · 07/08/2024 14:40

graffitiwall · 07/08/2024 13:08

I'm quite surprised by all the posters coming up with 'innocent' explanations for the text, especially given his crap 'explanation' that he is just updating his wife 🙄 Its clear he is cheating. The only thing OP doesn't know is whether its an OW or a woman he's paid to be there.

No wonder so many men find it so easy to cheat.

Here bloody here!

StitchedfromNineExposures · 07/08/2024 14:42

The vast majority of hotels though, you can't access 'room floors' without a room key- you typically have to tap your key card on an access point on a door to the floor or within a lift in order to access the floor. That is my experience even with budget hotels. It is a security issue.

So if it is another women - she is also staying at the hotel (and so has floor access).

If I have had guests to a room who are not staying at the hotel I have typically had to go down to the lobby to collect them.

Maybe not all hotels have this system but most do.

Why text the room number otherwise though - agree it is odd. I stay in hotels a lot for business but never text my DH the room number - no need.

Pogpog21 · 07/08/2024 14:45

Have you called reception and asked to be put through to room 38? Rather than just trying his mobile?

ErickBroch · 07/08/2024 14:46

StitchedfromNineExposures · 07/08/2024 14:42

The vast majority of hotels though, you can't access 'room floors' without a room key- you typically have to tap your key card on an access point on a door to the floor or within a lift in order to access the floor. That is my experience even with budget hotels. It is a security issue.

So if it is another women - she is also staying at the hotel (and so has floor access).

If I have had guests to a room who are not staying at the hotel I have typically had to go down to the lobby to collect them.

Maybe not all hotels have this system but most do.

Why text the room number otherwise though - agree it is odd. I stay in hotels a lot for business but never text my DH the room number - no need.

Understand all anecdotal but I have stayed in 16 hotels this year for work and none of them had this - you can just walk in and out. Just my experience, so I don't think its unlikely.

Thursdaygirl · 07/08/2024 14:47

Pogpog21 · 07/08/2024 14:45

Have you called reception and asked to be put through to room 38? Rather than just trying his mobile?

I thought about this - but even if the OP does this, and her DH answers the phone, it won't put her mind at rest, because the OW could be on the loo/on the balcony/in a wardrobe etc etc

StitchedfromNineExposures · 07/08/2024 14:47

You could call the hotel and say that you are planning on visiting a guest in their room - are you able to go straight to the room or would you need an access card and see what they say.

Ariela · 07/08/2024 14:53

If you know this woman's car registration, I would ring the hotel and say 'I'm just ringing to check I think I forgot to register my car registration when I stayed last night, and don't want to get a ticket, are you able to check if I did or not, registration is A123BCD'

GoodLordyTheExcusesWeMakeForThem · 07/08/2024 14:54

SpecialPerson · 07/08/2024 14:09

@GoodLordyTheExcusesWeMakeForThem It was only a thought! And anyway if it was innocent and as I said (not saying it is) BUT ever thought the message may have been sent outside the hotel or something if signal was poor.

I am not sticking up for him especially after what op has said and their situation, he sounds like a bell end but there could be many reasons for the message and not necessarily the one everyone always jumps to. Again only saying and justifying my original comment so no need to get on one with me!

Not getting on one with you at all? Just asking that you maybe consider how much help it offers the op to try and provide reasonable, innocent explanations for such awful treatment. If this was his reasoning, then why not answer his phone? Other thanthe fact that he is pissy be fucked up andnow punishing her for it, of course. Men like this get away with crap like this because we explain away and gaslight ourselves on their behalves. The op knows she is not being treated properly, she knows she deserves better. I just found the rather flimsy explanation and the way it was put across to be a little patronising and also a little suggestive of the op having blown things Out of proportion, etc, which as i said before, she’ll likely hear enough of that from him soon enough.

WickWood · 07/08/2024 14:58

So sorry OP, it doesn't look good 😔

IhateBegonias · 07/08/2024 14:59

I’m sorry but the text sounds dodgy. Like he’s inviting someone to his room. You don’t need to know his room number as he has a mobile if you needed to get in contact.
even if this other woman is in a different town he could be using a prostitute.
I hope you’re doing ok and have someone who you can talk to.

Bangolads · 07/08/2024 15:00

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 05:46

Garlictwist. Thanks. I did just think it was an odd message. He's staying there just 1 night and wanted to get there as early as possible. I have no reason to have his room number. I can't get there, and we have our own phones.
A girl came into town 3 months or so ago. She was over familiar with him. They played games together and everytime I moved she went to sit very close to him. They huddled together in deep conversation excluding everyone else. It was not a nice feeling.

I spoke calmly to him a few days later and explained that their relationship could easily be misconstrued by others and that made me uncomfortable.
This resulted in him spending hours one evening telling her that I was worried, insecure etc. I felt that was disloyal. He could have just put his own boundaries in place.
She then talked to me about how well she knows him and I realised he'd gone into great depth about my past, my fears and insecurities. I have been furious. We rowed. He threw our rings and told me he might as well "Go for it" now.
Then he left for 4 days. I thought we'd sorted things out. But I am so bashed by all of this. I'm feeling so low. He's not an obvious flirt. Has no form for cheating. But I feel something is so wrong. We are newlyweds.

He’s cheating I’m afraid😕

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/08/2024 15:03

I didn't realise it at the time but looking back there was a pattern of this sort if "over information" from my ex-h when he was cheating. He used to send me screenshots of maps or traffic reports or pictures of the front of buildings he was "parked in front of". None of it remotely relevant and all it did was make me suspicious. He also text me by mistake instead of OW once but that did me a favour because it became very clear he was having an affair which he'd long denied.

Trust your gut OP, I wish I had. I hope you have got some answers Flowers

IcedPurple · 07/08/2024 15:06

StitchedfromNineExposures · 07/08/2024 14:42

The vast majority of hotels though, you can't access 'room floors' without a room key- you typically have to tap your key card on an access point on a door to the floor or within a lift in order to access the floor. That is my experience even with budget hotels. It is a security issue.

So if it is another women - she is also staying at the hotel (and so has floor access).

If I have had guests to a room who are not staying at the hotel I have typically had to go down to the lobby to collect them.

Maybe not all hotels have this system but most do.

Why text the room number otherwise though - agree it is odd. I stay in hotels a lot for business but never text my DH the room number - no need.

The OP said she's not in Britain, but I don't think she specified where?

Anyway, maybe it depends on the country, but in hotels I've recently stayed in - in Britain, Italy and Spain - I don't think any of them had this system. You stepped out of the lift and could go straight to the rooms.

GreenIvyy · 07/08/2024 15:20

Agree, all sounds far too suspicious! Could you call the hotel tomorrow, say you are trying to get hold of a receipt for company expenses. Mr X in room 38 for one night. Can they email that through to you?

that should detail dinner/room service/drinks etc. you might be able to check there if it was for two people.

Holidaysrule · 07/08/2024 15:22

Currently on a multi centre holiday and some hotels have had lifts that can only be accessed via room key and some haven’t. I don’t think it’s relevant though, since he could just go downstairs with his key and take her upstairs? If it’s a secret rendezvous, it’s hardly likely she’s booked her own room too?
Hope you are holding up ok op, I really hate this kind of thing. Sending support your way xxx

IcedPurple · 07/08/2024 15:23

GreenIvyy · 07/08/2024 15:20

Agree, all sounds far too suspicious! Could you call the hotel tomorrow, say you are trying to get hold of a receipt for company expenses. Mr X in room 38 for one night. Can they email that through to you?

that should detail dinner/room service/drinks etc. you might be able to check there if it was for two people.

No way they'll give this information to someone who just called up.

StitchedfromNineExposures · 07/08/2024 15:28

@Holidaysrule agree but if it is one of those hotels where you need a key to access the floor then why would he text his room number to anyone as he would have to let them in or leave a key card for them at reception with the room number on it. Who knows - finding out though sort of gives you a process of elimination and also may help catch him out in a lie later on.

If you call the hotel and say - I am visiting my friend in their room - can I just go straight up to the room and knock or do I have to have a card to access the floor?

pompey38 · 07/08/2024 15:29

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 03:11

Thanks for your replies. Glad it's not just me who thinks it's dodgy as fuck.
I really do feel like I've been losing my mind recently.

Is dodgy you’re right, my DH is away twice a week at a minimum, he always texts/phones to let me know he arrived at the hotel, he never in 20 yrs told me his room number .
Is he travelling alone? or there’s others staying at the same hotel? and why he left so early if he doesn’t fly until the next morning? he could have gone in the afternoon. I’m sorry but it doesn’t look very good,

GodSavetheJean · 07/08/2024 15:31

GiveMeSpanakopita · 07/08/2024 12:28

When I used to travel for business I often had meetings with colleagues in my or their hotel room because if we were rehearsing a pitch or discussing something sensitive we didn't want to do it in the bar or reception. And it costs a lot to hire meeting rooms in hotels.

So don't jump to the worst possible conclusion right away, is what I'm saying

Then he would have said that when OP asked. He would not have gotten angry with her if he was just telling Bob which room he was in so they could work out the presentation.

GiveMeSpanakopita · 07/08/2024 15:34

GodSavetheJean · 07/08/2024 15:31

Then he would have said that when OP asked. He would not have gotten angry with her if he was just telling Bob which room he was in so they could work out the presentation.

Show quote history

Depends how much he feels trusted in the relationship generally I suppose

lemonicetea · 07/08/2024 15:39

flummingbird · 07/08/2024 14:23

This totally reminds me of how I found my now EX cheating, pretty much the same scenario but I had a friend in the city that could go and check things out for me, she drove past and the pair of them were smoking outside the B&B. I hope it works out better for you than it did for me

Classy people.

Sofia45 · 07/08/2024 16:06

‘If he is cheating I can't believe it's with the young woman OP mentioned. Unless they're going away together there's no way she's driving 4 hours for a quick shag in an airport hotel when he's getting up for a flight at 2am.‘

Some people do it so far away from home so that they can go out to meals together etc without running the risk of bumping into anyone they know!

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 07/08/2024 16:23

On the odd occasion l have ignored my gut, l regretted it. My ex cheated on me more than once and it is a horrible feeling - in the long run he did me a favour but was horrible at the time.
Please update us op if and when you can - l hope you are ok. x

Original poster
lopdedop · 07/08/2024 16:25

He answered the call at 3am. Said he'd just woken up and needed to shower. I asked him, to put my mind at rest, to show me the room. He quickly and grumpily showed me the room. He wouldn't open the shower curtain. Just tutted at me.
I wished him a safe journey. I have now blocked him.

He is not on a business trip, he has to go to his home country for admin stuff. My car is in the garage, so couldn't have gone to the hotel.

We don't have children or any intention of having any.

I am in the process of moving to another country. So I will concentrate on that this week. I can't be arsed going to check on OW. I think I just need to trust my gut, and that's all the evidence I need. It's up to him to prove otherwise.

Looking forward to spending a quiet week organising my future without any headfuckery.

Your messages have been incredibly helpful. Thanks all for taking the time. I feel stronger already.

OP posts: