Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

SlagAnon update

277 replies

mummybb · 15/04/2008 09:06

Dear All,

don't know what happened yesterday - I accidentally asked for my thread to be deleted but I actually was removing posts which might have identified individuals.

Have asked MNHQ if it's possible to reinstate without those posts as I know some of you were finding it helpful, as was I, but it got a bit out of hand yestersay so it might be they decide it's better all round to keep it removed.

Sending you love,

mbb xxx

OP posts:

Report

stuffedolivia · 22/04/2008 21:13

Sounds like we're all going to end up on the couch.
What a day. Spent a.m. trying to work despite both phones intermittently ringing - guess who? Never leaves a message. Turned music up and managed to ignore. Stressed out by lunchtime and told dh, as agreed in counselling etc. Dh sympathetic, but persuaded me to phone om, with dh there, mainly to avoid contantly ringing phones during the afternoon.

After much discussion and deliberation, I went ahead, telling myself I was simply wresting back control of the situation and of my life(!). KT answered, sounding really pleased, and I felt a load lift off my mind as the conversation was quite amicable and fairly mundane. However, he wrecked it all by reminding me of how things used to be between us. When I reiterated that I love dh and that he (KT) and I certainly can't resurrect our bad old ways, he said, "Well, I'm just wasting my time then!" Needless to say, my self esteem dwindled at this since I was under the impression that I might be worth talking to anyway... Clearly been used.

Dh's reaction was a revelation from which I'm still reeling, that may have to wait for another post.

gracepaley · 22/04/2008 23:24

stuffed........oh no.........he really is a KT ain't he. What on earth did dh say. You are the mistress of the cliffhanger.

stuffedolivia · 23/04/2008 08:50

Nice to hear from you gracey; hope things are looking up with dd.

Sorry about suspense - not deliberate, I would love to have got it all off my chest last night - but dh hovering. Took several hours on and off to post what I did, hence lack of comment on rascal's unsettling afternoon - sounds like one of my nightmares Re- dh, would highly recommend Relate; think we might have to go again...

Hope counselling was helpful mummybb.

Back with update when I've got more time.

rascalboys · 23/04/2008 09:23

Morning all.

Olivia - I would hate to have to answer the phone with DH there, that must have been tough on you. I hope things are okay, update us when you can.

Grace - yes, it was naughty of H texting, but in the circumstances, I didn't feel that I could say anything really. But now I feel I need to keep my phone off or out of reach and then that makes me look more guilty! So it's a no win situation really with that one. Gosh, it is going to hard for you with him back around, stay strong girl! Best wishes to you and your daughter.

MB - how did things go last night?

mummybb · 23/04/2008 11:59

Blimey everyone - how do we keep it together?
rascal - i would definitely go with your dh to counselling. You have to keep him in the loop and show him you have 'nothing' to hide - even if you do iyswim.

stuffed - waiting expectantly for the next installment. You still sound v much in control. And you never gave me his number ;-)

quick update on counselling - yep she knows them but only very vaguely - and she agreed with me about what is like with women! My problem - it's all Oedipal - apparently - but enough about that - I think I will find the sessions useful and would recommend to all of you and dps/hs.

Went to rehearsal - mild hysterics - w barely spoke to me. scraped car. mine - not hers.

Grace - not surprised you don't feel like haiking atm -
forgive me if I'm way off the mark, and I've just realised i don't know the age of your dd but does your dd ever write about her feelings? just wondered if she's inherited yr talent for writing and could channel it creatively??

xxx

OP posts:

stuffedolivia · 23/04/2008 22:24

Barely keeping it together and don't feel very in control, I'm afraid.

Dh's reaction was to reiterate that maybe life is too short and that therefore perhaps i should aquiesce to KT's demands, but without keeping it secret from him, dh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I too was incredulous. And Hurt. Then I realised that he doesn't really mean it; it's just a little game he plays to see how I'll react. He genuinly doesn't appear to realise how cruel and potentially destructive it is. Stalemate.

If anybody gets this tonight, please respond because I just can't stop crying.

stuffedolivia · 23/04/2008 22:29

Sorry if that last post sounded self-pitying. what I'm trying to convey is that the more I try to sort things out and make amends, the worse it all seems to get.

Hope everyone else is holding it together. xo

Irisheyes78 · 23/04/2008 22:34

I think the others are off crying into their pillows.

Irisheyes78 · 23/04/2008 22:35

Or flogging a dead horse.....

mummybb · 23/04/2008 22:43

no, stuffed - I'm here tonight.

what exactly has upset you - is it that your DH can play games? Can he not see how you have rejected KT and are involving him in this.

Rememebr once I said my dp was always joking about me and torytwatboy - because I think in the back of his mind he knew i had feeling for him and maybe it was mutual and it was almost like he was pre-empting the worst consequences. Is your DH doing this - because he still feels threatened by KT?

xx

OP posts:

mummybb · 23/04/2008 22:43

no, stuffed - I'm here tonight.

what exactly has upset you - is it that your DH can play games? Can he not see how you have rejected KT and are involving him in this.

Rememebr once I said my dp was always joking about me and torytwatboy - because I think in the back of his mind he knew i had feeling for him and maybe it was mutual and it was almost like he was pre-empting the worst consequences. Is your DH doing this - because he still feels threatened by KT?

xx

OP posts:

Irisheyes78 · 23/04/2008 22:48

I'm convinced there is an email/post alarm in your house! Your here mins after there is a post!

mummybb · 23/04/2008 22:50

it was a bit of a fluke - but I'm here a lot - so I can see what you mean Irish. i have become a MN addict.

OP posts:

stuffedolivia · 23/04/2008 22:52

Thanks mummybb - hadn't thought of that. You may well be right.

I just thought that since everything had been good between us for a while - even made love at the w/e - this wouldn't happen again. Thought, given all the counselling, dh had made more progress than this. So disillusioned. Don't know where we go from here.

Irisheyes78 · 23/04/2008 22:59

You seem to have an addictive personality.

mummybb · 23/04/2008 23:01

Your dh sounds like a decent bloke (unlike kt), I wouldn't be surprised if this was some sort of damage limitation on his part. he must have been very hurt at some point. i do hope that you can get over this - hopefully it's just a blip. your poor nerves must be raw right now and everything seems bigger and more damaging than it might be. talk to him tomorrow - be lovely to him tonight - and let him know you love him x

OP posts:

mummybb · 23/04/2008 23:02

yes - I think I do Irish - and I just paid a therapist £38 to tell me the same thing last night

OP posts:

Irisheyes78 · 23/04/2008 23:04

I would have rounded off to £40.

mummybb · 23/04/2008 23:05

plus a few quid for the babysitter - I hope the cure is quick and permanent - it's gonna cost me a freaking fortune.

OP posts:

Irisheyes78 · 23/04/2008 23:07

Prevention is better than cure.

And I think some things can't be cured.

mummybb · 23/04/2008 23:09

in that case I think someone had better lock me up - it'll be a damn site cheaper

I have to go to bed - but stuffed - if you're still there - you keep calm - things always look worse at night - and I have seen a few of those myself lately.

keep strong x

OP posts:

stuffedolivia · 23/04/2008 23:10

Wish I could...he's gone off to sleep in another room. But thanks for re-setting my perspective. xo

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

mummybb · 23/04/2008 23:13

then give him a lovely treat in the morning perhaps ?

talk to you tomorrow - pls let me know how things are - i'll be around p.m. x

OP posts:

HappyWoman · 24/04/2008 07:20

stuffed -what your h is feeling is very rejected. He wants to know 100% that it is him you want. It is not a game he is just needing all the reasurrances that he can trust you.

By 'telling'you to go off he is 'pushing' you to the limit and if you do then he will have been proved right (and in some small way feel good about himself). Of course that is not what he wants but he is scared of giving you his trust in case you misuse it again. Hope that makes sense.

It is a long journey you have ahead of you and he will want to get every bit of comfort from you he can - even though it is so very hard on you. This is early days yet - if you are questioning your relationship imagine how he must be feeling - he dare not get his hopes up just yet.

Good luck

rascalboys · 24/04/2008 09:26

Hi Stuffed - hope you're feeling a bit better this morning?

Long lazy boozy lunch by the river is what we need....wish we all lived local!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.